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I don't want sex with DP

(8 Posts)
Exileinengland1999 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:37:56

DP and I haven't had sex for a year- we've always been mismatched in that my sex drive is a lot higher and he never initiates anything. It's reached a point where I want sex but just not with him and I'm not sure what to do now.
I'm probably a 'staying with him for the kids' as I come from a divorced background that was very unhappy and have got it in my head that I can't put my own kids through that.
But I'm 43 and I want to be in a sexually compatible relationship. There's also a big age gap in that he is 57.

Holly3434 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:46:50

Leave him before you end up cheating on him. He deserves to be with someone who wants him

wherearemymarbles Fri 17-Feb-17 19:36:31

Leave him then. His sex drive wont improve with age.

OFGSIsItTheWeekendYet Fri 17-Feb-17 19:56:13

I was in a sexless marriage, perfect guy, my best friend, but just didn't have the same sex drive as was soul destroying and like you, I also got to the point where I didn't stop thinking about sex but not with him. I ended it with him (hardest thing I've ever done) I loved him and still do (as a friend) we meet occasionally for coffee and catch up. It hurt so much as I loved him so much but more as a best friend after a year of no sex amd that couldn't be repaired. Within three weeks of us splitting I was having discreet but great sex with an ex, I wasn't proud of myself but I couldn't be in a sexless marriage, sex/intimacy meant alot to me and I've never regretted it, no matter how hard it was. I had to end it or I would've cheated on him and I respected /loved him too much to do that to us.

Exileinengland1999 Fri 17-Feb-17 20:07:32

Thanks @OFGS that's helpful. I do feel at a loss but I know I am really unhappy and unfulfilled in the relationship and staying for the kids. I hate infidelity and don't want to go down that road out of desperation. We are trying to get counselling but part of me thinks it's past that point. I just feel unattractive and unsexual and its depressing

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 17-Feb-17 20:16:47

I would leave. You and he are better off apart rather than together in your own miseries.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships?.

Your children will pick up on your overall unhappiness and such young people are also very perceptive. They know things are not great at home and perhaps wonder why you and he are still together at all.

Do not stay for the sake of the children; its a terrible idea and teaches them damaging lessons about relationships that gets carried over into their own adult relationships. It also places a heavy burden on the children to know that the parents only stayed together because of them; they should not be the glue that binds you and this man together. They also won't say, "thanks mum" for staying either, instead they could well call you daft and wonder of you why you put him before them.

HarmlessChap Fri 17-Feb-17 21:16:39

I could say the same with DW. While we try to put some spark back, if by some miracle she invited me to come to bed I'd have a hard job believing that she actually wanted me. We DTD 3 times early last year after a 2 year absence because I said and I simply couldn't get beyond feeling that it was a chore for her.

sammyjayneex Fri 17-Feb-17 21:17:02


That's so sad to think of sex before the love of your partner. Sex isn't everything and you said you loved him and he loved you so why throw that a way for sex? I find that strange.

OP you should talk to your husband about this, he may be able to change things and Compromise to make things bettter. If not then leaving is the only option

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