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did I do the right thing?

(6 Posts)
peppatax Fri 17-Feb-17 16:22:25

Long story short (plus massively outing) - left my DH a couple of years ago as fell in love with someone else. Nothing physical happened prior to split and had perhaps a month of beginnings of EA (texting, coffee etc) when I realised I had such strong feelings. Split request blindsided XH a little but he acknowledged our relationship difficulties - had a 'make or break' conversation with him where he did nothing to convince me to stay and things would change.

I still now struggle with feeling guilty about how I ended it but I knew at the time deep down there was nothing he could do. I read on here so often that one should end a relationship before embarking on a new one, which I did, plus saw no benefit to XH in spending months 'deciding' when my mind was made up. Was I cruel by ending it like that? Despite therapy and time, I need to make progress quickly on dealing with this as it's a massive weight on my shoulders.

NB. I am now with the 'someone else'. XH and I are amicable and consider him still a close friend.

Adora10 Fri 17-Feb-17 16:32:01

Sounds like it all worked out for the best OP and do you know what, in this life you need to love and look after no 1 so don't feel guilty for seeking happiness, life is short, sounds like you definitely did the right thing.

Jayne35 Fri 17-Feb-17 16:36:18

If you think you did the right thing and you are happy (sounds like everyone else is too) then try to stop worrying about it or the guilt will affect your new relationship.

I left my XH for some one else and I did feel guilty, he was surprised I wasn't in love with him anymore (we were more like lodgers in the same house IMO) and our relationship has been awful since which I suppose made it easier for me to not feel guilty I suppose.

I don't' know what to suggest to change how you feel though if counselling hasn't helped. I hope it improves for you soon op.

noego Fri 17-Feb-17 17:53:53

Guilt is what? Just a feeling that comes and goes. Don't attach yourself to it. It is just a visitor that will go eventually.

peppatax Fri 17-Feb-17 19:52:13

I feel bad for XH - I would describe him as 'not unhappy' and I just wish he was really happy. I'm trying hard not to feel guilty as rationally I know it's not my responsibility but he deserves to be happy. We weren't as far as the 'housemates' relationship but not what I was expecting for 'husband and wife'

oleoleoleole Fri 17-Feb-17 19:54:16

Only you know if you did the right thing.

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