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Getting things off my chest (sorry long and may stop abruptly)

(5 Posts)
somethingstupid Wed 28-Feb-07 21:27:28

I find it so hard to talk to dh so I thought I would have a moan here as it is the only place I can talk. Basically I sometimes wonder how and why I put up with him. He's not violent(well very rarely now) but can be verbally aggressive and intimidating. He is very intolerent and selfish. He does work hard but when he is tired he is irritable and unpredictable. He does not seem to want to spend time with ds but then says he is the centre of his life. I try and get him involved but then later on he will have a go at me for expecting him to look after ds. He moans and nags constantly at me. When he gets him he has to moan at something. The house could be perfect but if I slightly burn the chips then he has to moan about it. He never gives anything positive back and I just feel worn down. I am used to being given praise, support, encouragement, etc in my job and then although I get this from ds in his own way I do need it from an adult. He wants to relax but still has not got the idea that when you have a baby you can't just stop, they need attention, feeding, changing, etc even at the weekend and on holiday. I feel I never get a chance to relax.

paros Wed 28-Feb-07 21:36:54

your married to my husbands twin .Seriously if it wasnt so true it would be funny .

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 01-Mar-07 06:49:35

"He's not violent (well very rarely now) but can be verbally aggressive and intimidating".

Well he's now gone from physical to verbal/emotional abuse - both are just as damaging as each other with one result being that your own self esteem and worth are likely to be rock bottom. When you're like this you think its impossible to ever escape. Is this partly why you have stayed with him?.

No wonder you are asking yourself how and why you put up with him. I also note you are feeling worn down by him.

Presumably as well he's "lovely" around your DS isn't he?.

Do not make excuses for your husband - many people work hard but they all don't do what your husband does i.e be so unpredicatable. You are walking on eggshells here.

Is this all you think you honestly deserve?.
I hope not.

Would suggest you go to Relate on your own and talk these serious issues through with someone impartial.

You have a choice ultimately - to stay and see your son learn from his parents behaviours (we learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents) or leave him and make a better life for yourselves without this man in it on a daily basis.

You deserve to live without a constant fear and worry that he will kick off at some slight.

Womens Aid are also good to talk to - you need help here and I hope for your sake as well as your son's you seek it and fast.

He won't change - you know that deep down.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 01-Mar-07 06:54:18

There is a facility on that page to hide your visit.

Bucketsofdynomite Thu 01-Mar-07 11:00:57

Tell him you don't want your ds to treat women the way he treats you.
Just being nosy but what are his parents like?

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