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what do you think?

(6 Posts)
user1487269128 Thu 16-Feb-17 19:52:07

I've lived with my partner for 10 years, we live in a remote island location , Hes a good man when and when we are together at home we rub along fine and i do love him BUT he doesnt want to go ANYWHERE thats holidays, meals out , socialising anywhere.
I retired recently and have baby grandchildren 700 miles away i visit when i can which is probably for 3 weeks every 3 months. Its not enough i miss them i want to watch them growing up .
Its his house and its been an uphill battle to change anything , to the point that i really can't face the hassle any more. I also miss all the things that come with living in town although i love the countryside too
If he pops off first there is no will so his house will go to his sons
I have found a flat near to my family which i'm intending to buy , my intention being thats its a second home and i spend approx half the year there , my man is welcome to come with me but i know he wont. I fact our relationship may not stand my desertion which is how he'll see it . I really dont want to hurt him and i would miss him a lot.
what do you think?

HerOtherHalf Thu 16-Feb-17 19:56:17

A boring recluse who doesn't care enough about you to ensure you have a home when he dies or being there to watch the grandkids grow up? It's a no brainer for me.

oneohfivethreeeight Thu 16-Feb-17 20:11:52

If he's not making any effort or putting anything in to the relationship, I'd move to the flat and say if he wants to continue as a couple, you need to see some commitment.

Skooba Thu 16-Feb-17 20:17:05

I would definitely give it a go.
My SIL has moved to near DCs, my DB goes there part of the time. She believes family is her priority, and imv is probably correct.
Only proviso is that when I visit my DDs we can get on each other's nerves after a week or so. So I wouldn't want to live near them permanently.
Your arrangement would be ideal.

SleepingTiger Thu 16-Feb-17 23:55:03

Talk to him about leaving his house in trust for you to live in for life after he goes. If he says he is leaving it to his kids then go to the mainland. There is nothing left on that island.

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 17-Feb-17 01:07:43

You're just there for his convenience really, it seems.

He doesnt want to put anything into this relationship for you, nothing with the house, your security after he dies, your happiness, your relationship with your children and grandchildren. He would consider you taking this flat as you deserting him, but doesnt consider his own selfish behaviour as a problem at all. The biggest mistake you have made is putting up with it for ten years.

Just go.

However, there is one problem I see with your plan, and that is spending half the year with a selfish prick who doesnt give a shit about your happiness or well being. I suggest you stay in the flat full time.

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