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Totally Inappropriote crush!

(12 Posts)
shell333 Thu 16-Feb-17 15:34:51

So ive met this guy threw my young son!
Me and my oh have been in a bad place for years. Our relationship is pretty much none existant.. We barely see eachother, Long story. But i guess this is why i have developed this crush. The guy i crush on has al those qualities my oh doesnt! A completely different heart!

While this guy is single it is totally inappropriate to be having these thoughts!

Firstly he teaches my son!
Secondly he is 12 years younger than me!!!
Now that wouldnt be that much of a problem if i were like 50 and he 38 but im only 33 hes 21! And in a completely different stage of his life!!
And im probably closer in age to his mother!!

So even if the reciprocates feelings it is a total no go isnt it! Dont get me wrong id never cheat on my oh but ive debated leaving many times! Wel to be fair weve both thought we should end things many times. But even if i left him and was single too i could could never burden this new guy with my baggage! Or take away those years in your early twenties when your free and you find yourself from him.

I have never felt attracted to anyone younger than me.. Ever.. I find it really odd.. Especially to be this much younger. I always tend to go for real manly men.. To be fair he looks older more like 26 and has done alot of travelling and charity work which made me think he was much older when we met too. Now i know his age im like woah!! It feels wrong!! But i cant shake these feeling!

Anyone been there?!?! How can i stop feeling this way! Please no comments on my relationship with oh.. I know that situ needs sorted!

pudding21 Thu 16-Feb-17 16:10:23

12 years isn't that much if he is mature and you are young at heart. Many young men like an older woman. More together, experienced, look after themselves etc.

My friend is in a relationship with someone 16 years younger. They are very in love.

I don't think its a no go, but if you leave your OH, there is no reason why you couldn't have fun (you need to decide on the basis of your relationship though and not on the thought you could have a fling, but you know that already ;)

springydaffs Thu 16-Feb-17 16:16:22

I've hosted many (100s) young people over the years and, yes, I've been where you are.

You just don't go there. It's a distorted attachment. Granted, I wouldn't go there in my set up but yours isn't that different: you're in a relationship. Yes it's crap (at the mo) but you're in it nonetheless.

This guy represents all the unrequited feelings you have in your relationship. Either repair your relationship or get out. It's he the father of your kids?

Adora10 Thu 16-Feb-17 16:43:18

You probably feel it stronger because there's no passion, love and mutual likeness between you and your OH; I think this is telling you it's time to call it a day.

You say you'd never cheat on your partner, can you say the same for him, especially if you are living separate lives.

shell333 Thu 16-Feb-17 17:21:48

Yeah neither of us would cheat. I 100% believe that. He is much more willing to stay in our relationship than i am.. Other women dont interest him remotely. I agree that these feelings probably do stem from whats missing with my oh tho! I just cant shake them. Its just a crush i dont fully understand. We are in completely different places in our lives. My oh lacks responsibility, parenting skills, etc im certainly not seeing those in this other guy! So im not really chasing what im missing..if that makes sense.. I dunno i just feel a connection with him! So strange!

Adora10 Thu 16-Feb-17 17:25:19

If you were happy and content you'd probably not have those feelings, are you going to continue in a loveless marriage? How long do you think you can both do that?

Having one child does not really mean you have much baggage OP.

shell333 Thu 16-Feb-17 17:25:31

Oh and yes oh is my childrens father

shell333 Thu 16-Feb-17 17:29:26

I didnt really want to focus this thread on my current relationship. I know where that needs to go..and have discussed it lots. Its a complicated one that i cant really be bothered to explain. Weve been unhappy a good few years and ive never looked at another man though so this is very new to me

loveyoutothemoon Thu 16-Feb-17 17:34:33

Does the teacher feel the same? Even if he did he wouldn't be able to go there with a pupils parent!

You need to focus on your existing relationship. Call it a day if you're not happy with him.

shell333 Thu 16-Feb-17 17:48:35

He doesnt teach in a school setting, i don't think its would be inappropriate to date him in the set up to be honest. Not that im saying that would ever happen.

springydaffs Thu 16-Feb-17 18:35:50

How old are your kids? Anything over 7 and they'll be utterly horrified. Bear that in mind.

shell333 Thu 16-Feb-17 18:55:05

Theyre both very young younger than that

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