Me and my ex split for around 6 months then got back together, we've been back together for 5 months but during the split we were still sort of seeing each other anyway as we have a 3 yr old. Split due to just bickering really an I always pestered asking him to come back from the moment he left.
Anyway when he moved back in I noticed he changed his password on his phone I asked if I was allowed to know it as it was never a problem before and he said no, so I dropped it as he's never given me a reason not to trust him before. Since we've been back together I've been extremely paranoid and I'm hating myself for it, even seeing him typing on his phone is getting to me, it's not right I know and I hate it, he knows how I'm feeling irrationally paranoid.
Tonight I thought I might test him and ask for his phone, so while he was on it I said let's have a look, he handed it me, but when he seen me click off the thing he was looking at he goes erm what are you doing you want my phone so you can start looking through it, so he took it back off me, then starts saying how he's a grown man I shouldn't think he would just hand over his phone.
I understand I'm probably coming across absolutely mental but I need someone else's opinion on this
Why do you think it's acceptable to go through his phone? He hasn't given you any reason to mistrust him from what you say and he's entitled to some privacy. I can't imagine my husband ever asking to check my phone and I would have some choice words if he ever asked me.
And I've thought that notthefordtype I felt like shit being a pest asking him to come back, and it always makes me wander well why didn't you come back and I sometimes begrudge him for that but we were arguing still whilst we were split which is what his reasons are.
Yes I would as he just has a password on it, yes he takes it back off you if you use it but you are tricking him into letting you see it. Just chill your together and I assume everything's going ok apart from this just enjoy
Sing, i think with a temporary split it does sometimes lead to paranoia. Talk to him about you concerns. He might give you his phone if he knows it would put your mind at rest. But just because you are an open book does not mean he has to be too and it doesn't have to be because of " something "
Thank you Lilly I keep feeling like I wish things could go back to "normal" and like how it used to be when really everything is fine apart from me being paranoid.
He won't let me look on his phone whatsoever which is entirely up to him of course I'm not entitled to look at it but it was just something to put my mind at ease asking him randomly.
I feel like if you don't nose or dig for things your never going to know if they are doing something behind your back which is sad really because just leaves me constantly worrying I hate it I don't know where it's come from.
I'm not possessive and I hate how I feel and how I'm coming across to him but I'm so worried about getting hurt, I honestly feel like an idiot but I can't help it.
Him not letting you look makes you more paranoid I get that. But fact is you don't trust him in the first place & from my experience it's always worth listening to your instincts around that stuff. You two need to have some honest & frank conversations - explain to him how you're feeling & ask him to give you a break & reassure you. Maybe suggest couples counselling. If his reaction stays the same I'd struggle to trust him too.
Sing having been in a 13 year relationship myself and splitting for 4 months before reconciling I know how you feel. Our split had absolutely nothing to do with cheating and was instigated by me. However when we got back together some of the old comforts returned but new fears and insecurities arose too. I know how you feel and I think it's somewhat normal...redefining your relationship familiarity in the old bits and finding a comfort level and boundaries with the new bits.
Keep your wits about you but try not to worry or obsess too much