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single mum desperate for some advice....

(17 Posts)
princesscake Wed 15-Feb-17 19:46:52

I am a student nurse with 2 Dd's 10 and 12 years. I decided to go back to school when my husband left 5 years ago. It's been a struggle working whilst studying and now full time work as well as training.
My girls dad doesn't have any input what so ever. He picks them up 2 Sundays in a month and takes them to his mum's and watches football the whole time. Very sad but that's another story but partly why I'm posting.
My eldest Dd is over weight and she often gets called names. She doesnt have a best friend and doesnt like going to school. Her weight has gradually gone on over the last 3 years. I have been so busy trying to better myself to better our life, keep our home I didn't notice until all of a sudden she is now over weight.
Her dad brings this up with her and often critisises what she wears. I don't have much money to buy her the 'in' clothes. Again I feel guilty.
What I am hoping from posting is some advice on how to fit in exercise with her aswell as full time work, study and housework. I'm exhausted to the point of crying all the way home from work just wanting to throw it all away because my dd needs my time but i hAve a mort gage to pay and i have worked so hard to get inot uni. Any advice would be appreciated. I feel so sad as she is so sad.

Proseccoisthenewlambrini Wed 15-Feb-17 19:55:48

That must be really difficult for you, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job though please stop blaming yourself, it's bloody hard being both parents!

Does she not enjoy any after school activities?

It sounds like you are really struggling for time, maybe things will get easier when the lighter, warmer evenings come and you could get out and walk together?

Juveniledelinquent Wed 15-Feb-17 19:56:49

You are doing amazingly OP. You've worked so hard and got yourself such a long way, so give yourself a massive pat on the back for that!

My friend is a student midwife and she had this problem with her DD. She was working so hard her DD had put weight on without her really noticing. Anyway, she started both her DDs at the local swimming club and the results have been amazing. You wouldn't recognise her DD now, she's a completely different shape. My friend used to take her studying with her and sit in the spectators at the pool with her head in her books.

princesscake Wed 15-Feb-17 20:06:23

Thankyou both so so much that means alot. It's a struggle and I think I have crash right now. On top of that I have family with medical issues which has probably contributed to me feeling so helpless right now. I get so frustrated wit their father but can't change that either.
I am thinking maybe the lighter nights I may find some energy to walk.
After posting I just Googled weight watchers. Money is tight but I have to find it from somewhere. I know I owe my dd that. She is a beautiful young lady with such character. Last year my books followed me on every summer outing.

Opel9 Wed 15-Feb-17 20:11:02

Some GP areas can refer to weight watchers or the gym, usually free for 12 weeks!

Asparagusupmynose Wed 15-Feb-17 20:12:33

Have you tried online videos of ballet, dance, yoga, boxing, tai chi or any other current fitness trend videos? You shouldn't have to pay out for anything, you tube has loads. 10-15 mins once a day can make a difference to fitness and confidence. It might be something you can do together.
I tend to feel like eating healthier food when I am exercising. It helps with stress too. You could say you need it to help with relaxation and ask her to be your partner and do it with you because you feel silly doing it alone. I wouldn't make her too aware of the problem, she sounds like she has it tough as it is.
You could also look up what her favourite star does for fitness and try to get her to do that.
Just ideas, I hope it helps. x

princesscake Wed 15-Feb-17 20:12:44

Apologies I have posted twice 🙈
What age is that Open9 do you know?

princesscake Wed 15-Feb-17 20:15:24

Thankyou Asparagusupmost (great username btw) do you think 15 mins will be enough? I might try this instead of trying to find an hour.

Asparagusupmynose Wed 15-Feb-17 20:23:32

Don't start by going for too long, you feel tired, sore and eat more. Build up slowly, 10-15 mins is a good start. Enough to get benefit, enjoy and then want to do more. It is always easy to find 10-15mins once a day, more difficult for an hour. Good days you can do it twice.

user1487015199 Wed 15-Feb-17 20:25:28

You are doing amazing! It's hard work being a student nurse, placement and essays, you'll do it! It's a massive achievement just think how proud you and your kids will be when you qualify as a nurse, this is short term, your ex sounds a nob xx

Asparagusupmynose Wed 15-Feb-17 20:31:38

A Street dance routine video is where I would start. You can repeat it and she has a reason to do it when you are not around. It depends what she likes though. Loads of other options.
OP- I went to uni as a single mum and it was tough. It is worth it though. You are doing this for your kids. The guilt is never ending. You'd feel guilty if you were at home and not working. They know their mum is a career woman and an inspiration. x

princesscake Wed 15-Feb-17 20:55:16

Oh thankyou smile
Yes he is a nob! It's frustrating and sad at the same time. I can't change him though unfortunately. Thankyou for your kind words.
Yes that's what I was thinking tonight. I am going to do just something each night. She loves dancing and goes on a Thursday so I'm going to try and find something like that. Thankyou so much. It's so lovely having the support from here. Being a single mum gets so so lonely sometimes and we don't always have the answers and feeling guilty all of the time.
Thankyou all again so much x

Proseccoisthenewlambrini Wed 15-Feb-17 21:27:02

Good luck op, you and your lovely did will be just fine flowers

Proseccoisthenewlambrini Wed 15-Feb-17 21:27:16

Dd not did!!

SpiritedLondon Wed 15-Feb-17 21:38:22

I think dance would be a good start...try a you tube video or the library for a DVD maybe? If you have a smart phone there are a number off apps which show you short HIIT routines- those you can do in about 10 mins if you work hard enough. However you're going to need to make sure the food situation is sorted otherwise it's not going to sort out the problem. Are you friendly with ex DHs mother / father? Could you rope them in to taking her swimming on
Sundays rather than watching TV ? ( assuming the ex won't get on board).

Member85426 Wed 15-Feb-17 21:59:40

Maybe parkrun. They have lots of free timed runs across the country held at 9am on Saturday mornings. you and the kids could do it together so she wouldn't feel self concious. You can walk the 5km route to begin with until fitness improves. Anyone is welcome, it's free and the volunteers who run the events are fantastic and supportive.

Lillygolightly Wed 15-Feb-17 22:25:21

Firstly well done you, working, studying and being a single parent with enough care and compassion to worry about your DD's needs ahead of you own.

Secondly the most effective time of day to train is first thing in the morning before eating. It's called fasted cardio and offers the most effective weight loss because your body is consuming it's fat stores rather than burning recently consumed fuel from breakfast/lunch/dinner. Even 5 mins of jogging, fast paced walking, dancing or whatever is enough. Pop on some music first thing and have a dance/jog about the house before or whilst getting ready. Drink plenty of water. More than half the time we think we are hungry we are actually just thirsty....drink water when hunger strikes.

Thirdly diet low carbs and lean protein. Switch white bread for wholemeal, do the same for pasta and rice, buy leaner meats or trim the fat. Drink a glass of water 20-30 mins before eating it helps fill you up but also aides digestion. Snacks: snack on nuts, rice cakes etc instead of crisps and biscuits.

When buying food be more aware of the sugar content than the fat content. Whole milk is a prime example of this. Whole milk is much more beneficial for you than skimmed...skimmed milk is basically milk with all the goodness (good fat) removed. Most food that advertise as being low fat are high in sugar and sugar is worse than good fat. Obviously you want to avoid trans fats and saturated fats but certain fatty foods are good for you like nuts, oats, eggs and these are very filling/satisfying and help to prevent cravings.

Lastly instead of making radical changes, make smaller changes over a longer time period. Make changes you and your family will easily be able to stick too. Like anything diet and excercise work best when they are consistent over a long period. Also once every week/couple of weeks allow a cheat day. This is a day to look forward to when you can eat whatever you've been craving/missing and it helps you stick to a healthy diet long term because your not completely denying pleasurable foods your just regulating them.

Sorry that's long but I hope it helps. Remember small achievable goals, a little at a time makes the whole thing more manageable. smile

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