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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He wants kids

202 replies

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 10:40

Hello all. Im 34 and have two kids aged 15 and 8. Neither father is involved.
Ive been with a lovely man for 3 years and its fairly serious. Ive known he may want his own kids but never overly discussed it.
Last week he told me he wants us to get married and have a child fairly soon. Hes 42.
Im in shock i dont want another child and i suppose i knew this may happen but

OP posts:

Report

JoJoSM2 · 15/02/2017 10:46

Discuss it with him. And be prepared for the relationship potentially not surviving...

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 10:47

Yep JoJo he said he only wants one😅 its not that simple!

OP posts:

InTheMoodForLove · 15/02/2017 10:48

it sounds like he knows to and he is giving an ultimatum before moving on

InTheMoodForLove · 15/02/2017 10:49

knows that too (not to)

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 10:50

Its not an ultimatum as such. I said id think about it. My DD calls him dad and DS views him as a father figure definitely. Is that not enough?

OP posts:

Elroya1 · 15/02/2017 10:54

It may not be enough for him to have children around, as they are not his, even if they are genuinly interested in him. Still, this is something you must decide. If it is a problem for you and for him, you may go seperate ways ...

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 10:55

OP posts:

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 10:56

He treats my 2 as his own though! In years to come my kids would support him over their own fathers.

OP posts:

Ouriana · 15/02/2017 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 11:00

Ive never seen myself with more than 2. I cant imagine going through a pregnancy again and childbirth.

OP posts:

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 11:14

And i would love to marry him too

OP posts:

JoJoSM2 · 15/02/2017 11:22

That's the point - you really don't and he really does. I would also like to second what others have said - step children and children are different things.

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 11:24

I know they are jojo but hes made a life with me and my kids that must mean something

OP posts:

April2013 · 15/02/2017 11:25

Is it the pregnancy that puts you off or the having 3? If it's just the pregnancy/birth you could both consider adoption?

wherearemymarbles · 15/02/2017 11:26

I think its understandable to want be a biological parent. I suspect you would want your own if the situation was reversed.

You both need a full and frank discussion. he has a right to want his own Children as you have the right to say no more. There is no in between.

ElspethFlashman · 15/02/2017 11:27

Is that not enough?

You're naive to think so. He wants a BABY.

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 11:28

April id have 3 kids by 3 dads. After DS was born i trained to be a nurse and am quite high up in my career. Another baby would stretch finances too.

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/02/2017 11:30

Why has it got this far
You knew he wanted kids
You knew you didn't.

If I was him I would feel like you had wasted his time and been massively cruel in the process.
Why did your children have to meet him and get to know him if you knew it would at some point come to a stage when you would both want separate things

xStefx · 15/02/2017 11:30

Obviously marriage is about giving and taking and if he has given your children a steady home and is a father figure to them, and would make a great husband could you maybe consider it? If he really wants kids this feeling may never go away for him.

I agree, being a step parent is not the same having your own. I would say this is a deal breaker. Neither of you are being unreasonable, you don't have to have anymore but he has the right to want one of his own. Imagine you were only a step mother to his kids and didn't have your own, would you want your own?

wherearemymarbles · 15/02/2017 11:32

3 children by 3 fathers is not a problem these days.

If you really dont want more then tell him, give him all the reasons why and let him decide if he wants to say

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 11:34

I havent been cruel. I wasnt sure if i wanted more when we met 3.5 yrs ago now i know i dont.

OP posts:

xStefx · 15/02/2017 11:39

Would you be ok if you were only a step mother to his children and he didn't want anymore?
Would that be a dealbreaker for you OP?

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NapQueen · 15/02/2017 11:41

You need to be explicit with him; and promptly. Tell him you want no more dc. Then he can make a choice as to whether he stays as is or leaves to find someone tobhave a child with.

Ouriana · 15/02/2017 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 15/02/2017 11:46

Totally see his point. Think you'll need to both face into this as it'll probably be a deal clincher for him.

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