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He wants kids

(203 Posts)
LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:40:02

Hello all. Im 34 and have two kids aged 15 and 8. Neither father is involved.
Ive been with a lovely man for 3 years and its fairly serious. Ive known he may want his own kids but never overly discussed it.
Last week he told me he wants us to get married and have a child fairly soon. Hes 42.
Im in shock i dont want another child and i suppose i knew this may happen but confused

JoJoSM2 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:46:16

Discuss it with him. And be prepared for the relationship potentially not surviving...

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:47:42

Yep JoJo he said he only wants one😅 its not that simple!

InTheMoodForLove Wed 15-Feb-17 10:48:41

it sounds like he knows to and he is giving an ultimatum before moving on

InTheMoodForLove Wed 15-Feb-17 10:49:15

knows that too (not to)

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:50:51

Its not an ultimatum as such. I said id think about it. My DD calls him dad and DS views him as a father figure definitely. Is that not enough?

Elroya1 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:54:15

It may not be enough for him to have children around, as they are not his, even if they are genuinly interested in him. Still, this is something you must decide. If it is a problem for you and for him, you may go seperate ways ...

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:55:49

confused

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 10:56:56

He treats my 2 as his own though! In years to come my kids would support him over their own fathers.

Ouriana Wed 15-Feb-17 10:58:44

Having step children is very different to having your own child, regardless of the bond you have or how much you love them. I think you need to have a very honest conversation with him as this sounds like it may be a deal breaker.

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:00:53

Ive never seen myself with more than 2. I cant imagine going through a pregnancy again and childbirth.

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:14:26

And i would love to marry him toosad

JoJoSM2 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:22:02

That's the point - you really don't and he really does. I would also like to second what others have said - step children and children are different things.

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:24:53

I know they are jojo but hes made a life with me and my kids that must mean something

April2013 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:25:16

Is it the pregnancy that puts you off or the having 3? If it's just the pregnancy/birth you could both consider adoption?

wherearemymarbles Wed 15-Feb-17 11:26:34

I think its understandable to want be a biological parent. I suspect you would want your own if the situation was reversed.

You both need a full and frank discussion. he has a right to want his own Children as you have the right to say no more. There is no in between.

ElspethFlashman Wed 15-Feb-17 11:27:28

Is that not enough?

You're naive to think so. He wants a BABY.

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:28:13

April id have 3 kids by 3 dads. After DS was born i trained to be a nurse and am quite high up in my career. Another baby would stretch finances too.

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 15-Feb-17 11:30:22

Why has it got this far
You knew he wanted kids
You knew you didn't.

If I was him I would feel like you had wasted his time and been massively cruel in the process.
Why did your children have to meet him and get to know him if you knew it would at some point come to a stage when you would both want separate things

xStefx Wed 15-Feb-17 11:30:25

Obviously marriage is about giving and taking and if he has given your children a steady home and is a father figure to them, and would make a great husband could you maybe consider it? If he really wants kids this feeling may never go away for him.

I agree, being a step parent is not the same having your own. I would say this is a deal breaker. Neither of you are being unreasonable, you don't have to have anymore but he has the right to want one of his own. Imagine you were only a step mother to his kids and didn't have your own, would you want your own?

wherearemymarbles Wed 15-Feb-17 11:32:18

3 children by 3 fathers is not a problem these days.

If you really dont want more then tell him, give him all the reasons why and let him decide if he wants to say

LovelyUnicorn83 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:34:16

I havent been cruel. I wasnt sure if i wanted more when we met 3.5 yrs ago now i know i dont.

xStefx Wed 15-Feb-17 11:39:27

Would you be ok if you were only a step mother to his children and he didn't want anymore?
Would that be a dealbreaker for you OP?

NapQueen Wed 15-Feb-17 11:41:01

You need to be explicit with him; and promptly. Tell him you want no more dc. Then he can make a choice as to whether he stays as is or leaves to find someone tobhave a child with.

Ouriana Wed 15-Feb-17 11:41:12

I think you need to tell him that then, amd give him some space and time to decide if he wants a child or will sacrifice that to stay with you.

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