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Relationship damage to DCs?

(5 Posts)
Keepithidden Wed 15-Feb-17 08:47:40


Things haven't been great between me and DW for a while. We are cordial, amicable much of the time, but there's significant distance between us as partners. Communication about anything to do with us, or our own emotional wellbeing is difficult, although everyday stuff, DCs needs and general household talk , even light-hearted joking is there. I think she still loves me and I definitely still love her, hence us still being together. This situation has been going since DS arrived (8 years).

We work very well together as parents, are on the same wavelength, sense of humour, hopes and dreams for DCs and put everything into making our home as happy as possible for them.

Unfortunately, we have had a few problems with both DS and DD in terms of their behaviour, nervous tics, emotional outbursts etc. I have put this down to them being kids (DS is 8, DD is 5), and I wouldn't say any of their behaviours are unusual in that respect, but I do wonder if the distance between DW and I is a key factor.

As I said, we get on well as a family, there are no arguments between DW and me. We're both a bit conflict averse. However the emotional distance I am scared is sending confusing messages to DCs, but I'm not certain of this and wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation?

RaeofSun Wed 15-Feb-17 09:09:13

Have you spoken to a health professional? Is their behaviour same at school and home? You say you are both conflict averse, do the DC know their boundaries and routines or could this be causing anxiety?

Keepithidden Wed 15-Feb-17 09:29:34

We mentioned it to the GP a while back and noted that the tics were occurring primarily due to stress and tiredness (coincided with worst being at school end of term, then holidays back to normal again). Having spoken to the teachers, yes, the same at home and school. Also worth noting that their general behaviour is very similar at school and at home.

Both DC know their boundaries and routines well. We aren't conflict averse when it comes to them, just with other adults.

RaeofSun Wed 15-Feb-17 09:59:06

I'm sorry you're going through this. Hopefully more wiser MN will along soon with advice

Keepithidden Wed 15-Feb-17 10:36:46

Thanks Rae, I'm hoping it's just me being paranoid. It's just the number of threads on here about parents damaging their kids by staying together is too much to ignore. Although, I'm well aware things aren't as bad between me and DW as many, if not all, those threads.

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