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How on earth do/did you tell your H you want(ed) a divorce, and then carry on living in the same house as them?

(7 Posts)
Perfectjob Tue 14-Feb-17 22:03:04

Am not quite at this stage yet, but my fear of what will happen is paralysing me to the extent that I can't do the things I am supposed to be doing now.

How do you tell someone you want a divorce when you are scared of them ranting / raving / shouting, and then proceeding to make your life as difficult as possible?

And then I am supposed to live in the same house as him until things are sorted confusedshock, because we have dc and I don't want it to seem as if I have abandoned them, or set the precedent of being able to live elsewhere??

What on earth am I supposed to do?

One of the reasons I want a divorce is due to H's short temper and cyclical rages (not super often, but often enough), but will these same things mean that I have to be with someone who doesn't love me forever??

My instinct would be to move out and divorce H from a distance, but I know any solicitor will tell me not to sad.

nobodyreallyknowsme Tue 14-Feb-17 22:09:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nobodyreallyknowsme Tue 14-Feb-17 22:09:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perfectjob Tue 14-Feb-17 22:40:14

Thanks nobody. I am sorry you are having a rough time.

Our relationship is completely dysfunctional and has been for a long time. I know that I need to get a divorce iyswim, but I am scared to do it. Partly because H will make my life very difficult.

Ouchiebum Tue 14-Feb-17 22:49:43

I was in exactly the same situation. Same behaviour from husband. I told him I wanted a divorce in April and am now a week from moving out into my own house.

I've managed it by not reacting to anything. Smiling through gritted teeth. Being utterly calm at all times. Letting him say what he wanted and not arguing. it's hard. But worth it.

Good luck.

Whathappensnowthen Tue 14-Feb-17 23:31:27

Actually in that position right now. Told husband I wanted to separate. Can't afford to run two households until I can receive some tax credits, so following the guidelines re living together but separately. Basically I now sleep on the sofa (had been for ages anyway), I food shop for me and the children whilst he gets his own stuff, do cooking/washing etc separately. He goes from being quite calm about things to ranting on about 'declaring war' on me. I'm just trying to ride it out. I have 4 young children, so can't just stay with friends. Trying to get things sorted ASAP but everything seems to take so long. I try to avoid being alone with him, as in, I will sit with the children or, once they're in bed, keep busy/be in any room other than the one he's in. I'll be honest, it's a pretty tense set-up, but no choice but to ride it out till I can afford to get out.

workingmumagain Wed 15-Feb-17 14:19:09

I can empathise, but prob not offer advice! We broke up in October, but he is only moving out next week, our house sells and I move into my own new place on 3 March. Longest 5 months of my life. Have had some really low moments, worst being when we have argued horribly in front of the kids on a couple of occasions, but even when we have had a truce in place the daily stress has been exhausting. We were angry before but we loathe each other now. I've used a therapist, friends and lots of self-talk to try to keep it together, with mixed success. Try to avoid it, if you can. If you can't, be prepared for the worst times of your marriage to be magnified. Good luck.

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