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XH and concerns about DCs safety.(8 Posts)
I have name changed for this as I have asked advice recently about our divorce and feel I may identify myself.
Myself and ex have seperated and have two DCs, one 4 years old and one 6 months.
Ex has the eldest a few days per week but no overnights as he is staying with his parents and nowhere suitable for DC to sleep.
The youngest is still exclusively breastfed so he only sees the baby around me, without going into it all too much, things have been difficult between us so his contact with DS until recently has just been an hour here and there. I have put aside our animosity so he can spend time with DS and today he came over to put the DC to bed. I stayed seperate and let him take the reins and used the time to do housework etc. I walked in to check he needed help getting baby out the bath and caught him texting giving no attention to DC. I couldn't see the content of the message but it wasn't a short ''yes okay" or anything so his attention was not fully with DC for some time. The baby has a bath support which enables you to be hands free enough, but he could still very easily roll of it/slip down. I was really upset, took baby out the bath got him dressed, he put eldest to bed and has now gone.
Now I have the scenario going over and over in my head, I don't know if he can be trusted if he thought it was safe to text bathing a small baby
We have talked about his phone use before as in the small times we are together he is organising work/friends etc. And I have said could you not leave that until you get home rather than waste your hour/few hours with DC.
If it's relevant, DS was 8 weeks premature so developmentally slightly behind, he is not sitting unaided, head support not great. so still very much needing a lot of support in the bath.
I'd say in a very polite and firm way, next time can you leave your phone outside the bathroom because a small baby only takes a second to go under the water, it would be great if you bond with your child than with your phone. My priority is the children and this should be the case with you, give him another chance but At least he knows for sure now what's expected of him. Anymore like this I'd be telling him your here to see kids not your phone and off with you. I know its not on what he did, but can only move forward from this
Thank you for your reply
We talked a little about it after, and I said that it could only take a second for something to happen and DS could have been hurt in the second he had his eyes off him.
I've said about the phone before because it really annoys me, he has 5 full days, every morning and every evening to message/email/social media to his hearts content but I'd hope in the time he does have with the DC he would just be 'there' I've watched our eldest's face when she says 'daddy look, daddy, daddy' and he's too wrapped up in a game or a message.
He text after getting home and still doesn't seem to see what he did was wrong, he said it was only for a second, was only a quick message he was in full control the whole time etc. and I can't work out if he is just too stubborn to admit he was wrong or genuinely thinks that's fine, which makes me worry about him when I am not there?!
I would be strongly considering only supervised contact with both children if he is texting whilst bathing a 6 month old baby. It only takes a second. If he realised his mistake you could move forward but as it is you can't trust him. Believe in yourself.
I don't think anyone is the 'perfect' parent and everyone makes mistakes, or has times where they get distracted etc. but it worries me that he can't see where he went wrong? It makes me worry about other things that he could be distracted and DC touches oven or another dangerous scenario.
I'm so torn, on one hand I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just being stubborn and defensive and does know it was a stupid thing to do, and the other side of me doesn't want to allow any unsupervised contact as I would feel so guilty if anything were to happen. I was planning to build up to him having DS on his own for a few hours for me to spend some time with DD and to give me an hours break, but that won't happen now..
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