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So having got what I wanted, why am I now thinking OMG what have I done?

(16 Posts)
Bingo88 Tue 14-Feb-17 19:43:19

Long time lurker. First time poster. Looking for some wise advice.

In summary, I have a really good guy friend that I have known for a while that I suddenly realised I had massive feelings for. We live a distance from each other so due to work commitments only meet up every month or so. We get on great, but he seemed happy just to be friends. So, as part of an email exchange last week on why we had not seen each other for a while I told him that I had feelings for him, that it was not his fault but mine for reading something into nothing, and that I needed to stay away from him for a while in order to get him out of my head. He admitted that he also felt the same way. We therefore agreed that it would be good to see each other and meet on a trip away somewhere to celebrate his birthday next month. I told him to choose the location and we would split the bill. He’s now come up with a place and the dates. I should be deliriously happy, but I am completely panicking thinking OMG what have I done. Am I just nervous? I have not slept with anyone for about 3 years. Or deep down was this just a huge crush, and now that it is about to become RL (we’ll be sharing a hotel room) is my brain telling me this is a huge mistake? What do I do?

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 14-Feb-17 19:45:11

You'll never know until you try. Regret things you have done rather than not done.

Go! Have fun! He may be The One!!

Mix56 Tue 14-Feb-17 19:45:25

Go for it !! Enjoy yourself ! What else can you do ?

illegitimateMortificadospawn Tue 14-Feb-17 19:46:54

I've been with DH for over 20 years. We started out as really good friends & we were both nervous about starting an intimate relationship in case it totalled a really fantastic friendship. Turned out fine & we have 2 lovely kids to show for it.

Enough101 Tue 14-Feb-17 19:47:03

Yes you have just probably shocked yourself by coming out with it! Its natural to panic, but just go with it and enjoy.

keepingonrunning Tue 14-Feb-17 19:49:15

1) Go with your gut feeling. You are not entirely comfortable with the next level so make excuses
or
2) Imagine the day after going on the trip. How will you feel? Then imagine the day after having not gone on the trip. How will you feel?

LEELULUMPKIN Tue 14-Feb-17 20:06:13

I've worn those shoes. Best friends with a lovely guy from work for a long time until we went on a similar trip. Both of us were terrified of changing a great friendship, but both of us took a chance and today, 25 years later that lovely guy, long since my wonderful DH & I often laugh about how we almost allowed our fears to prevent our being together.

The only regret I ever had was that I had not done it sooner!

Ever since that time I have always lived by the mantra "feel the fear and do it anyway" The fear of failure is far far outweighed by the possibility that he just might be part of your happy future.

Just go at your own pace, don't feel pressured into anything and if it's right it will happen.

Good luck! x

Happybunny19 Tue 14-Feb-17 20:12:21

You're just nervous now fantasy is becoming reality. Relax, stop overthinking and enjoy yourself. Have a fantastic time.

thenewaveragebear1983 Tue 14-Feb-17 20:20:49

Does sharing a hotel room not seem like a lot of pressure? Call me old fashioned, but I think because you're already close friends, then sharing a bed might take you longer to be comfortable with. If you think of this as your first date, then it's a lot of expectation put on yourselves to share a bed/room even if you don't dtd.

Maybe book your own room- you don't have to use it but it might relieve some of the pressure.

LEELULUMPKIN Tue 14-Feb-17 20:26:01

What thenewaveragebear1983 said, I also forgot to say. It's great advice,

Start as you mean to go on and be totally honest about how you feel and if he is the kind of chap you hope/think he is, he will totally understand.

Don't forget he may well be thinking exactly the same as you!

If he doesn't understand or respect your feelings before you go, well there is your problem solved smile

Autumnchill Tue 14-Feb-17 20:30:54

My best friend is sat on the end of the sofa at the moment. Because he was brave enough to tell me how much he loved me, we are now husband and wife. Do it, go for it, in my husbands words, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life thinking 'what if'

EighthElement Tue 14-Feb-17 20:32:38

Change of gear from 1st to 5th there?

HappyAxolotl Tue 14-Feb-17 20:35:32

Maybe book another room so the pressure is off. And if it doesn't get used, surely a new love is worth the wasted money!

AskBasil Tue 14-Feb-17 20:39:09

I think sharing a bed is really previous tbh

A lot of pressure put on both of you, totally unnecessary.

Why is there an assumption that you'll be ready to take that step? What was going on there when you booked?

I think you need to take a couple of steps back and book a separate room so that you take some of the pressure off.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Tue 14-Feb-17 20:41:13

Bingo, you're going to have a really lovely time, relax, he'll be apprehensive too. ❤️

PollytheDolly Tue 14-Feb-17 20:52:11

You must!!!!

I'm excited for you. Have fun x

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