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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Valentine's Day, received nothing.

85 replies

babyboy2015 · 14/02/2017 16:00

Hi all,

me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now, and to this date he's never gotten anything for me on Valentine's Day.

I did give him a hint about 2 months ago and said I'd love something for Valentine's Day but he hasn't even sent me a "Happy Valentine's Day" text.

He's working away at the moment, and I can't help but feel a little crushed. I know it's silly but I really do feel disheartened as he never really does anything to make me feel loved.

OP posts:

Report

LittleRed90 · 14/02/2017 16:05

Meh, my husband and I have been together for 7 years. Married 4. I don't have anything this year, either. Last year he was working away and sent me an email with the promise of an eternity ring (I'd just given birth to our DD). The year before, he was also away then. Came home the day after with nothing and rushed off to the petrol station for a bunch of ugly flowers AFTER I'd cried.

He used to be amazing at Valentine's Day surprises before we tied the knot.

Anyway, some men are just like this and we still love them... even if they do refuse to succumb to a commercial, money grabbing, stupid day. I think they still love us?

All the flowers and vino for you, my love. You can be my Valentines

P.S - Yes, I have cried quite a bit today haha!

LittleRed90 · 14/02/2017 16:06

Also worth mentioning that said eternity ring never materialised!

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 16:08

No it's not silly hun if it's upsetting you. If he doesn't do it as he can't be bothered/isn't interested, then there's little you can do.

I have just come off the phone to a teary friend who has just ended it with her fella because he flat out refused to get married. 5 years together, both 28, and he said 'no not ever.' Even though she wanted to. So as he didn't love her and care about her enough to marry her (her words,) she ended it.

He didn't resist either, and just said 'shame it's had to end, but I do see why you're upset. However I can't get wed as it goes against everything I believe in.'

She wanted to get married. He didn't. Not sure why his preference was more important than hers.

Your call hun. Is this a man you wanna be with? He doesn't appear to care about your feelings and how hurt you are.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2017 16:09

Did you get him anything OP? Or send him a message? Sorry you're feeling sad about it. But it sounds like it's not really his thing and if he hasn't done anything for Valentines in the past it was unlikely he would this year.

What's he like with birthdays, christmas, gifts for no reason?

PleasantPhesant · 14/02/2017 16:11

I'm torn with this...

I think it's insensitive of him to not bother with even a card when you've said you'd like something....

However, he's never bothered before and my personal choice is that it's more romantic for things to be done on a plain old day-just because he thought it would be nice.

Also- the day isn't over yet !!

user1484750550 · 14/02/2017 16:11

Have to see re the post by littlered90; I don't think it's a ridiculous money grabbing day at ALL. It takes very little money. £3 for a bunch of flowers, and 50p for a card.

'Commercial events' like Valentine's and Christmas are as 'expensive' as you make them, like weddings.

Adora10 · 14/02/2017 16:14

It's not about money, it could mean him making you a nice cup of tea or doing something that shows his love, doesn't have to be monetary but if he doesn't show he cares in general and you are not happy then that's worth talking about, your feelings are valid.

GTS · 14/02/2017 16:16

I'm a little bit on the fence about this tbh.

On one hand he's clearly never shown any interest in V-Day so it should come as no surprise that you got bugger all. *BUT I would be more concerned that he never does anything to show you you're loved. Christmas? Birthday presents? Affection? Little gestures? Nights out? Anything?

Petalbird · 14/02/2017 16:17

You hinted 2 months ago my dp had to be reminded every day nearly for a week to remember our anniversary (done up to the date) and even then we got my gift together. Try hinting now

NerrSnerr · 14/02/2017 16:20

What did you get him?

I think it's important to make expectations of things like this really really clear (more than hints). Some people hate Valentines, some love it.

MNcuriousnewbie · 14/02/2017 16:22

I don't think it's silly if you have made your expectations perfectly clear the last two years (including getting him something!). Relationships should be about making each other happy! And if you have suggested that you would like to celebrate Valentine's Day, I'd have thought a caring boyfriend would want to make some attempt to do that. (Even if it's a crap attempt, I mean, he is still a man )

Happy Valentines from me to you!! Treat yourself to wine and chocolates xx

babyboy2015 · 14/02/2017 16:27

Actually I did get something, an ear infection :(

I've given up, not expecting anything from him today. We've just texted each other and I don't think he even knows it's Valentine's Day today so I'm just going to try and leave it. His birthday's coming up and gets what he's getting from me? Nothing.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/02/2017 16:30

Did you get him anything? Have you text him Happy Valentine's Day or anything?

His birthday's coming up and gets what he's getting from me? Nothing.

Does he also miss your birthday?

NerrSnerr · 14/02/2017 16:32

So you didn't get him anything but you expect him to get you something? That makes no sense.

Adora10 · 14/02/2017 16:34

He knows what today is OP.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/02/2017 16:34

he never really does anything to make me feel loved
So what are his good points?
Why are you with him?

Valentines day aside (it's a whole pile of crap, by the way) he you don't feel loved you shouldn't be with him.

Happybunny19 · 14/02/2017 16:38

Isn't it more important how he treats you every other day of the year though? It is a commercial bit of drivel really. My dp probably won't get me a card again, but he treats me like I'm special in al sorts of little ways throughout the year so I couldn't care less.

LittleRed90 · 14/02/2017 16:40

user1484750550 - Have to see re the post by littlered90; I don't think it's a ridiculous money grabbing day at ALL. It takes very little money. £3 for a bunch of flowers, and 50p for a card.

'Commercial events' like Valentine's and Christmas are as 'expensive' as you make them, like weddings.

Hey, I was being sarcastic haha. My mother text me this response when I whinged to her. I've cried a lot today. A little message on the back of a receipt would have been lovely so I totally understand :) x

Happybunny19 · 14/02/2017 16:40

Posted too soon: Your comment about him doing nothing to make you feel loved is the important part. That's an issue, not Valentines Day.

LittleRed90 · 14/02/2017 16:43

I would honestly talk to him properly... like I have with my husband. Explain how it's made you feel and how you don't feel as though he ever really does anything to make you feel loved. You'll only solve this problem by having a proper conversation with him. Maybe he has been showing you that he loves you in HIS way and he's just not too good at it? Benefit of the doubt and all that.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 14/02/2017 16:44

He's away working, it's one day, one day of artificial nonsense. I'd be concentrating on the actual relationship, not just today.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/02/2017 16:44

"he never really does anything to make me feel loved". Does that mean he doesn't ever get you presents? Or maybe shit ones. Perhaps this stuff isn't important to you. Or perhaps he's a selfish dick. You haven't really shared enough

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Giddyaunt18 · 14/02/2017 16:48

The day is not over. We don't do valentines day. I hate the enforced thing.We have been married 20 years but we are still romantic and do surprise kind things for each other. Does your bf do this? I wouldn't worry about it being on 14/2.

TinfoilHattie · 14/02/2017 16:49

Been with DH 20 plus years, married 16, 3 kids. Never had a Valentine card or present. Never sent one either. Some people just don't buy into the whole tacky Valentine's thing. We must have saved a bloody fortune over the years.

If you need a crappy card, scratchy red lingerie or some half dead flowers to let you know that your partner loves you, you have serious problems in your relationship.

Adora10 · 14/02/2017 16:52

Tin, it's not about V Day, it's about his lack of anything in general.

Oh and I got gorgeous flowers today and a surprise meal tonight, nothing tacky about either, it's called being nice and doing nice.

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