Hi, I'm a regular but have name changed as I need advice without outing myself.
This is long.
I'm contemplating ending my 10 month relationship but I don't know if I'm being ridiculous and I feel strongly that I may regret it if I do. So, I really need advice please.
Terrible track record of relationships, a longterm abusive one (resulting in my three lovely children), one with a narcissistic man who turned out to be married, and a couple of short term disastrous relationships which ended because they were simply twats! (Children was never introduce to a new man)
I took time out to be on my own and focused on my kids and work. I finally took the plunge again and met current boyfriend. He is without doubt a wonderful man. I've never experienced a relationship like it. I want it to work and believe him when he says he loves me.
However, when we met, I was really upfront about my expectations. I'm 35 - I don't want to mess about. I told him I was looking for longterm with the possibility of marriage and another baby down the line. I wasn't trying to scare him off. I know nothing is guaranteed and I certainly wouldn't contemplate those things so early on in a relationship, but that was my life plan. In turn, he was honest and said he wanted to settle and marry but didn't want another baby (he is full time dad to his son). His reasons were understandable as he had a bad experience with the mother of his son and after a traumatic custody battle he felt scared by it all.
I understood but was honest and said that maybe we shouldn't waste each other's time and fall in love etc as we wanted different things.
After a week of no contact, he asked to meet me and discuss things. Said he would now be open to possibility of a child if things worked out for us. He said he was nervous at the prospect but realises I'm not the same as his ex and that he shouldn't let his experience cloud his judgement. We both discussed how this was all forward thinking but we would now enjoy a relationship and see if it blossoms.
We are both full time parents and work. We live an hours drive meaning we only see each other weekends. We met each other's children around 6 months in. Kids are happy all round and we all get on great together.
Fast forward to now. I'm beginning to feel like weekends are not enough. But I know there is no real solution just yet. My kids are settled here as is his where he lives. We are not even a year in, so it would be madness to move in together just yet anyway. He talks about our future but lately I've got the impression that he is happy how things are.
Examples..
He 'jokes' about getting the whole bed to himself when I leave. But before he'd always say 'I love waking up next to you' etc
He very rarely goes out with his mates, but lately he's been hinting at neglecting them a bit. Genuine question.. How do people in long distance/weekend relationship factor in time for their friends,, as in how regular? I've never sulked about it and vice versa, but I do try and save our weekends for us best I can as it'll be two weeks until we see each other!
He's younger than me. By 6 years. I'm starting to see that although age gap is small, he is at a stage I guess where life is more fancy free (can't really explain what I'm trying to say?!) whereas I'm beginning to crave more structure and be more settled.
The honeymoon period is over as such, although he is still always affectionate, thoughtful and great with the kids. But is it enough? I just don't know. Some weekdays I just want to cuddle up to him on sofa or hug him after a shit day at work etc. But I sit here and wonder if that will ever happen and when!
I'm gutted as we have booked a family holiday to mark our year anniversary. But on reflection, we should have waited to see how things panned out. Kids are looking forward to it and I can't afford to loose what we paid.
I'm scared if I throw it all away, I may never find someone as wonderful as him.
Do you think I'm mentally trying to rush what should be a natural process?
What does a relationship generally 'look' like after 10 months?
Finally.. If I'm in the wrong ..tips welcome on how to put a lid on my emotions and get on with it.
If you got this far.. Thank you!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Need help making a decision
Daftasalush · 14/02/2017 00:19
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