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Does she want friendship or not??

(4 Posts)
cottonsox Wed 28-Feb-07 13:41:57

I got talking to a woman at school a couple of years ago, she always stood on her own, never really spoke to anyone and seemed quite nervous if anyone approached her, even if it was just to make light conversation.

Anyway we got talking a few times, I invited her back for a cuppa one day and she accepted and from then on we became quite good friends.

Thing is though it's always been one sides, it's always me that phones her, if she says she will phone me back she hardly ever does...I can't even remember the last time she phoned me. We arrange to do stuff during the holidays and she either cancels, says she has no money or just avoids me, she's never invited me around for a chat (I text her a few weeks ago saying I was near her house and would it be ok to drop in, that was the first time I'd actually been in her house!) and it just seems that she doesnt want me around her. I had her DD back for tea 3 times before she eventually agreed to have my DD back to hers for tea one night (and then she rushed to get her home!).

In conversation she has hinted that she doesnt like to socialise and prefers her own company but I find it odd that I've been nothing but nice to her and she does her best to avoid me.

We used to walk to school together and now she goes early so that she misses me...she used to walk home together and so she started bring her kids bikes so they would ride on ahead as if it was an excuse not to walk with us...

I like her and I feel sorry for her being stuck on her own with 2 kids etc but I'm starting to get sick of chasing around trying to be nice, I've even invited her to a craft class I go to and she makes her excuses...is it just me??

IsthereaDRinthehouse Wed 28-Feb-07 13:44:23

It does sound like she can't be bothered. Having said that, I'm sure it is nothing to do with you, more a problem with her. Did she seem shy when you have got together in the past?

Personally, I would leave it and see if she comes back to you.

lynniep Wed 28-Feb-07 13:55:17

I think you should give up to be honest. She's giving out fairly obvious signals that she's not interested in your friendship, which is a shame but please don't waste your time and effots flogging a dead horse.

Try not to take it personally either - it just sounds like you have very different outlooks - some people just arent interested in socialising and can't be bothered with friendships, others like yourself enjoy spending time with friends and would jump at the chance to join a craft class or whatever. Some are in the middle - like me

Also, dont assume she needs 'saving' - if she was really that lonely 'stuck on her own with 2 kids' then she'd take you up on your offers even if she's too reticent to make her own.

greenfinch Wed 28-Feb-07 13:59:25

i agree i don't think it's you, it sounds like she just needs some space. maybe you could say to her casually if you're ever passing you could call in for a cuppa, so the offer is always there if she needs you.

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