I had a miscarriage at the end of January. I was only 7 weeks along but it was a much longed for pregnancy. We were told that we weren't going to be able to concieve naturally due to DH's sperm count so started the IVF process in April 2016. As it was on the NHS it was taking what felt like a lifetime. I also felt like no-one was taking me seriously as I'm in my mid 20s (DH is in his late 30s).
Since we lost our baby DH and I haven't stopped arguing. We can't be kind to each other. We had a rough few years as his parents sent abusive emails and letters about me and he didn't stand up for me. They also attempted to stop their side of the family from coming to the wedding after making sure we had paid for everyone. He says they have since apologised for this (not to me of course!) and he is fine with them. I haven't seen them in two years but he goes to visit them.
I found his infertility really difficult to handle. I need to be a mother. I wouldn't have bothered getting married if I wasn't going to be a mother. I turned down a summer in New York (that I had already paid for) and a year abroad in Japan so that I could work out whether we were going to get married. We had only just started getting back on track around October last year.
Some of the things that have happened are:
I was kept in overnight while miscarrying and they lied said that my scan would be at 8am. I called him at 8:37am and he was at our house in bed asleep. I was terrified and in pain, being ignored by nurses, unable to sleep, hadn't eaten or drank anything since 12pm the day before and he was asleep.
His brother and his wife have just had a baby. DH's whole family dislike me I can upload the emails and letters as proof. They have texted repeatedly asking him to meet the new baby. No mention of me.
I have a very cheap engagement ring as DH was unemployed when we got engaged (he had trained in a profession, spent three months in this job and almost had a breakdown, I was supportive of him leaving despite only earning £16,000 a year at the time. He found a new job in four months). He talks about wanting to replace the ring as it doesn't have very good memories. We don't have much money but my parents gave us £3500 after the miscarriage to improve our house so we can sell and move. I found a 1.56 carat ring second hand for £800. It is a million times nicer than anything we could afford new. I showed it to DH and said that we could use some of the money my parents gave me and then top it up each month. His reponse was that if we use that money to buy a new ring I won't ever let him forget it. Apparently I'm such a nasty person that even a bargain like that wouldn't be enough to move him to purchase that ring.
Before we found out that I was pregnant I was on 150mg of Sertraline and had last cut myself on Christmas eve. I have been on antidepressants since I was 19 and in therapy since I was seven. My parents were abusive. DH thinks I may have Borderline Personality Disorder and I had started to speak to my GP about this. I have Googled the risk of miscarrying while on antidepressants and have decided to stop taking them until we decide to split or stop ttc. Obviously he's not a professional but if you thought there was something seriously wring with your spouse would you behave in this way?
Everything is pretty shit and I think this may be the end of us. I can't deal with his family anymore and I can't not have children. We live a shitty life, in a shitty house, with shit neighbours, and one car so even if I was able to drive I can't get anywhere. I am so sick and tired of everything. This is not how my life was supposed to be. I married the first person that was nice to me and now he's not nice to me anymore. I am so angry. It could be years before I get pregnant again. I spend a lot of money on phone psychics. I feel so hopeless.
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Relationships
Miscarriage could be the end of us
BloodSweatToilAndTears · 13/02/2017 10:48
OK, it's not long since you miscarried, and that's an awful thing and very raw. 
I think you should go and see your gp and tell them everything that's going on in the short term.
In the long term, it may be that you need to break up with your husband. It doesn't sound like you want him particularly, but do want the life you thought marriage would offer. But you have lots of time to become a parent. I think you might be better sorting out your life and mental health, learning to drive, pursuing some other dreams, making things less shitty bit by bit. A baby won't necessarily make the shitty life better. Someone to love and be loved by, but also huge responsibility and will be a huge reason to stay where you are, in not a necessarily happy situation.
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