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I feel really really stupid after crush on work colleague

(8 Posts)
user1486841477 Sun 12-Feb-17 22:49:04

I met a guy at work who flirted with me and who I thought liked me. Then after a few weeks he let me know in conversation that he had a girlfriend.

He did carry on friendly flirting and I did still wonder if he liked me but I'm not immoral and didn't go there.

He would get really jealous if I mentioned other guys and went out of his way to be around me and chat to me.

on my leaving party I got all dressed up hoping that somehow he might want to ask me on a date. But on the leaving do he made sure to arrive with a group of pretty women and stay away from me while simultaneously flirting with them.

I left feeling quite humiliated and like I was so obvious in my crush that he felt the need to go to great lengths to show me he wasn't interested.

He later tired to initiate contact with me by messaging every now and again asking how I'm doing. I've replied and we do have a very basic level of interaction.

I'm now thankfully genuinely over him and have started dating a lovely guy.

I just feel so so stupid for how far I fell for the work colleague and the fact I analysed his every move. How much I loved working at that place just because I got to see him each day. All the false 'signs' I saw.

I may be being too hard in myself as several people also thought he was attracted to me.

The reality is though, he wasn't. He has never tried to be anything more than a work colleague and has dated several women since I stopped working with him.

I've been so stupid. I should have never tried to depicted any signs that he liked me. Never made an effort to look amazing around him. Never flirted. Never even let the crush develop.

I find myself feeling very ashamed and I'm not even sure what of. I'm paranoid everyone including him knows I really liked him and is laughing at me for it. I'm not usually paranoid at all.

I never asked him on a date, never told him I was attracted to him, never even said he was good looking but somehow he seemed to know I liked him as he did eventually tell me he had a girlfriend and I think other work colleagues picked up that I liked him.

I really like my new boyfriend and wouldn't even want my work colleague now even if he wanted me.

But that hasn't stopped me feel like such an idiot and ashamed of how much time and mental head space I have the guy.

I'm just not sure how to get over the embarrassment.

OccasionalNachos Sun 12-Feb-17 22:53:10

Crushes can be awful and make people do stupid things.

Paranoia can also be awful but I really doubt anyone who you used to work with is giving this head space. In the nicest possible way, most adults have plenty of other things going on to occupy their time. There may have been a bit of idle gossip at the time but I doubt it's still going (although what kind of time has passed since you left? Weeks? Months?)

Cut down all contact with this man and focus on your new boyfriend and the rest of your life.

user1486841477 Sun 12-Feb-17 22:57:08

I didn't do anything too bad. In fact on his side he may well have thought I was completely uninterested.

But part of me has this huge embarrassment that he knew and felt horrified by it.

I know he wouldn't initiate and stay in contact if that were he case but I just feel so ashamed and I'm not even sure what of.

I just feel I tried WAY too hard to get his attention and in the end it was for nothing and he wasn't interested. So I've been such a fool.

Even though I'm now over him and have met a guy who is genuinely interested in me and lovely, this is affecting my mental health.

I feel very pathetic.

Maybe it's best if I delete ex work colleague on Facebook. Then there is no reminder. Or deactivate my account for now.

abbsisspartacus Sun 12-Feb-17 23:38:44

Block and delete you don't need it

AhYerWill Mon 13-Feb-17 00:28:29

It's easy to obsess over things like this, but at the end of the day you didn't do anything wrong. Finding someone attractive is nothing to be ashamed of. We're human, we're designed to find others attractive, even if it isn't always reciprocated.

If someone finds you attractive, but you're not interested in them, do you think they should be ashamed? The only time I've thought badly about someone who asked me out, was when they behaved nastily after being rejected; it was their childish response that upset me, not the fact they liked me.

Unless you've been secretly slashing his tyres, or sending him hate mail, stop beating yourself up, and be as kind to yourself as you would a friend who confessed to a crush...

Missbohan Mon 13-Feb-17 00:32:05

Seriously - don't think anyone would have noticed, in nicest possible way. From what you have said he sounds like a womaniser and a natural flirt - people might have just thought at most there was chemistry between you but don't think anyone will think you were stupid. You were both flirting with each other - people do, all the time. Not a big deal or anything to stress about in terms of being embarassed.

angieneri Mon 13-Feb-17 20:39:48

OP I can relate on a personal level. In my case the coworker took an interest in me, but very superficially. He lost interest after a few weeks of chatting and flirting.

I was gutted, despite the fact that I actually did not know him at all. It is not like me to loose my mind after a guy I barely know, but I met this coworker at a time when I was more vulnerable than usual and he really got me.

I felt ashamed about the whole thing for months, in hindsight it was so obvious he was just playing around while I thought there was potential for something more serious.

Eventually though I stopped caring and now I am completely indifferent to him. You will get there, it is just a matter of time.

Thankfully these mad crushes come and go relatively quickly and then we can get on with real life wink

SparklyMagpie Mon 13-Feb-17 22:43:12

How long have you been with your new boyfriend OP?

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