Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How to show your wobbly bits with confidence when you are newly dating?

(66 Posts)
welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 21:33:03

I have recently started dating again after a small stint at it after my divorce.
This time I feel ready to, hopefully meet someone. My confidence has grown since chatting on here and going on a few dates. I can actually meet for coffee without hyperventilating.
I know it's early days but I am really thinking about backing out again. The reason being....my body. I am a shapely size 14 and in clothes I feel rather confident. I get complimented on how I look quite often which is lovely. I know how to dress for my shape, I suppose. I try my best to look nice. With no clothes on I'm wobbly, my boobs are saggy, I have stretch marks and a jelly belly. I'm not over exaggerating here. I know all women have something they're not happy with but honest I'm actually quite ugly looking naked.
I know men like confidence and I do try. One day I'm going to have to be naked or dress and undress, holidays on the beach. It all fills me with dred.

hearyoume Sun 12-Feb-17 21:43:40

Why do you have saggy boobs, a jelly belly and stretch marks? I have all of those things because I birthed and nurtured 2 babies. Plus, age and maturity. I don't look like I did 10 years ago and I'm fine with that. My confidence comes from appreciating what caused my "imperfections" and I strut around my house like a big naked peacock.

PS Most men don't care

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 21:48:16

Hehe hearyoume, snap and honestly that's fine. It's natural after childbirth and maturity but I have also lost alot of weight so it's a little bit more wobbly than most!

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 21:48:51

Ps how do you know most men don't care?

SorrelSoup Sun 12-Feb-17 21:53:55

Men that like women don't care.

Do you exercise? I'm only saying that cos it makes me feel stronger and more body confident; not that you should looks-wise.

To be practical I'd be looking at underwear, negliges, those baby doll thingies...

HerrenaHarridan Sun 12-Feb-17 21:57:58

Stop telling yourself how ugly you are, it's so destructive.

Allow yourself to see the good.

Everytime you catch yourself glaring at your stretch marks, your belly or whatever it is I challenge you to tell yourself something you do like.

ShatnersBassoon Sun 12-Feb-17 21:58:07

People aren't daft, they can work out from your clothed appearance that you're not going to be super slim beneath. A wobbly tummy will not come as a shock to anyone. Would you be surprised or disappointed if a man who appeared to be slightly overweight didn't have a firm six pack?

Most men don't care because it's human nature to not care about aesthetic 'imperfection' when you're at the point of having sex. Small details are overlooked. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 22:00:08

I run but just bought a davina workout as I struggle with time and I'm a poor student so can't afford the gym.
Yes I think with certain underwear it may be ok but I think about times like....
showering, undressing, the beach, my boobs...men like boobs and mine are really gross!

ShatnersBassoon Sun 12-Feb-17 22:02:10

I think your standards for boob quality might be a bit higher than the average man's grin

As my old mother says - "Forget the quality, feel the width, Sir."

hearyoume Sun 12-Feb-17 22:02:14

Well I suppose I don't know that but I do believe it. My DH doesn't care, he's just delighted to have a naked lady to touch.

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 22:02:42

Aww thankyou. I do try to be positive.
Its all of a sudden I feel anxious about it.

Bant Sun 12-Feb-17 22:05:56

Well in my experience, getting to the point of going to bed with a woman means you're just very happy to see them naked at all. Most men will also be uncomfortable about bits of themselves, but to be honest they're too happy seeing naked you that they're not worrying about scars or wobbly bits.

Confidence is very sexy. Just try not to look like you're worried, and they won't give it a second thought.

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 22:14:10

Thanks all!
Oh god! I know it's me!
So you think they won't be looking? As long as I'm confident?

ShatnersBassoon Sun 12-Feb-17 22:16:06

They'll be looking at the overall thing in front of them. A naked woman. Have you ever given a man a thorough rental car walk around before committing?

specialsubject Sun 12-Feb-17 22:21:23

General concept for most (he or she) at first shag is 'yippee!' Reasonably clean ? Willing? Contraception ?

Go go go...

The most important word is 'willing'. No timescale beyond that. A partner that doesn't respect that isn't one you honour with your favours.

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 22:23:30

I just thought men liked to look at nice figures. Or something nice. I have nothing nice. Just my head. My heads ok haha smile

isseywithcats Sun 12-Feb-17 22:37:06

i had the opposite problem very skinny naturally no boobs to speak of bony hips stretch marks on my little boobs and my now partner said to me any more than a handful is a waste boosted my ego no end cos i have had a hangup about how thin i am all my life so no one is perfect and most men are just grateful for you being there maybe go for low lighting to start with

HarmlessChap Sun 12-Feb-17 22:39:53

how do you know most men don't care?
We don't, its true.

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 22:54:09

I know us women all have something we are less confident with. I am the first to try and boost someone's confidence just have difficulty boosting my own. It's hard dating again let alone getting naked.
Oh ok harmlesschap really? So what do you care about?

Mintychoc1 Sun 12-Feb-17 23:02:41

OP you do realise that men have imperfections too don't you?! I doubt you'll be getting naked in front of a model!

welshcakesareyummy Sun 12-Feb-17 23:05:38

Of course, yes!
I guess we all do its just I'm really really not just talking one or two imperfections here.

SleepingTiger Sun 12-Feb-17 23:07:00

Yep, we don't care about the wobbly bit.
We care about the laughter, the fun, the spontaneity and the enjoyment that we can share.

Leanin15yearsmaybe Sun 12-Feb-17 23:10:06

Blatant place marking..... because I am you OP hope you get some good advice smile

HarmlessChap Sun 12-Feb-17 23:32:13

Oh ok harmlesschap really? So what do you care about?
I'm married, but when I was single (many years ago) I rarely dated skinny women simply as I don't find them particularly attractive. I was far more attracted to women who were interesting, confident and comfortable in her own skin.

Unfortunately there are problems in my marriage which we are working on. Things are improving, but its been 2 steps forward 3 steps back for a long time and I need it to start moving consistently in the other direction if we are going to last. So its a subject I've considered, who I would be looking for, if we do end up going our separate ways.

In all honesty I do not see myself as much of a catch and I have my own insecurities (such as ED), so I would be too busy fighting my own battles with my fears to worry about wobbly bits!

All of us have insecurities, but if that time comes again in my life I shall endeavour to take the view that if someone is shallow enough to let yours bother them then they aren't the right person for you.

HelenaDove Mon 13-Feb-17 02:19:58

OP I too am a size 14 after losing a lot of weight and am still quite booby 32HH with a small waist shapely hips and arse. I feel pretty confident about myself.

Adopt a zero tolerance approach If someone shows any sign of being shallow dont give them a second date.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now