DH and noise

[Drjunior]

DH is noisy. He cannot speak or do anything in a moderate or quiet way. He opens doors like he is desperately trying to break out of a room, and closes them with a slam. He can only talk loudly or shout. His version of whispering is talking in a day to day voice.

He stomps around everywhere. Floors creek under him because he puts so much pressure down on each foot. He turns the TV up to a deafening volume. He makes noises to clear his sinuses at 4am which can wake up the whole house. When he blows his nose it's like a gigantic, high pressure balloon has just been released and is spluttering around the room.

When he coughs or sneezes, it's a shout. He slams items down on the work surface, slams pans on to the hob and shuts cupboard doors with a slam. He snores - you've guessed it - loudly, and he has nightmares where he screams and shouts.

This has so many more consequences now we have DC. He wakes them up at night, and the noises scare them during the day.

I have tried to talk to him about it but he says he has no idea what I am going on about. He accuses me of being controlling if I warn him in advance to do something quietly. I have become someone who is constantly shushing him, which I hate doing.

My DM has suggested that he may be slightly deaf. What do you think?

[dudsville]

Ah that's just what I was going to say. My oh it's hard of hearing and when he's not wearing his hearing aids he's a sound abomination. I nearly cried when he got them and spoke to me quietly.

[MissClarke86]

Do you have to shout for him to hear you?

[pocketsaviour]

Is he at the same volume with everyone else?

[DJKKSlider]

DrJunior

As you're a Dr have you thought that maybe ypou have misophonia?

[Lavinia28]

Your DM could be right. My DH is hard of hearing and he has the habit of talking very loud, nearly yelling.

[Drjunior]

pocketsavior no he is much louder than everyone else. Other people recognise it too but they just don't have to live with him.

missclarke86 I often think he is ignoring me when I talk and I get annoyed. But it could be that he just doesn't hear me

[Drjunior]

I have a lot of resentment towards him built up over the years because I feel I've been ignored a lot. Also because I feel that I've asked him to be quiet and he hasn't been.

If it turns out he is deaf I will then be able to understand a bit better.

Where do people get hearing tests these days?

[pocketsaviour]

You misunderstood me. Is HE at the same volume with everyone else? not your experience. His.

[Newbluetattoo]

I was just thinking at my yoga class yesterday how bloody noisy the men are. Always grunting and groaning - none of the women do it. I'm sure it's something to do with our society's expectations that women will be sweet and quiet, and never look for any acknowledgement or recognition of their hard work and efforts. Men, on the other hand are permitted to take up as much space or make as much noise as they wish. It drives me bananas. Although it does sound like the noise your OH makes is excessive....

[Drjunior]

pocketsaviour sorry about that. He will not concentrate long enough to give me an answer to a question like that. He does not seem to be able to tell me his experience. I think what may have happened is that he has not heard things from very young, then been excluded from things because of a hearing loss, so he is not used to getting asked about his own experience nor to practice concentrating on what other people have to say. I am having lots of realisations while I type.

[Darlink]

My dh is exactly like this.
It drives me up the wall .
Wish I knew the solution

[TwitterQueen1]

ADHD? Or maybe dispraxia? I do think you need to get him to see a doctor though and try to make him understand how difficult it is for you.

[Finola1step]

I wonder if there is a link between the hearing and sinus clearing. If he has to get up in the middle if the night ti clear blocked sinuses, then there is a problem here, I would have thought.

[maras2]

Can you not shout at him 'Stop being so flipping noisy please'?

[TwitterQueen1]

Really helpful Maras2 not

[Badhairday1001]

I know somebody like this and his loudness drives me mad. I physically recoil when he talks/shouts at me because he's so bloody loud it hurts. You have my full sympathy, I couldn't live with the loudness.

[SheepyFun]

Could you record him as he moves around the house, then play it back, ideally through speakers that can reproduce sound at the level he makes it. That might help him understand how loud he is (I keep meaning to do this with DH, who snores).

[SleepingTiger]

This sort of thing is normally cured via a job change.

A "one-week-off, three-weeks-on" schedule on a drilling rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

Has he been banned from the library by any chance?

[childmaintenanceserviceinquiry]

I was going to suggest a recording at night in your room, so he can see the nightmare waking situation.

The deaf suggestion sounds useful and could provide a constructive basis for conversation.

[Joysmum]

If he's going deaf then playing a recording won't help if he can't hear it properly!

We are going through this with my DF who took offense at the thought he was going death because his dad was going death and not great at wearing his hearing aids to the irritation of everyone including my dad. He's scared of being like that.

I'd talk to him and ask for him to get a hearing test. It's taken a year for my dad to finally agree and he's been referred.

[Cherrysoup]

Specsavers do hearing tests. That would drive me nuts.

[pregnantat50]

being deaf wouldn't attribute to loud snoring or door slamming though x

[geekymommy]

Actually, deafness could explain the door slamming. If you can't hear the door slamming, you won't be motivated to not do it the way other people are. Especially if you're hard of hearing and don't know it- you don't hear the door, so you assume other people don't, either.

[user1484750550]

Definitely attention seeking imo.

Call him out on it and tell him to grow up.

[user1484750550]

I was just thinking at my yoga class yesterday how bloody noisy the men are. Always grunting and groaning - none of the women do it. I'm sure it's something to do with our society's expectations that women will be sweet and quiet, and never look for any acknowledgement or recognition of their hard work and efforts. Men, on the other hand are permitted to take up as much space or make as much noise as they wish. It drives me bananas. Although it does sound like the noise your OH makes is excessive....

Yes newbluetattoo, men ARE noisier than women. Is it attention seeking and needing to be heard? Do they need to be cock of the walk? The brashest, the loudest??? When my hubby (And this applies to several other blokes too) is watching comedy on tv - they howl with laughter really loudly. I just giggle or laugh quietly. Same with sneezing......always so LOUD.

And also when we're out and hubby is trying to be a bit funny, he speaks loudly to make sure others can hear, so they can laugh hysterically at his hilarious jokes. He even swans in from the bathroom with an entrance like Larry Grayson, all swishy and sighing loudly to make sure we all know he has entered the room LOL!

Men!