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Feeling very vulnerable...

(12 Posts)
Purplebluebird Sun 12-Feb-17 21:04:00

I'm not sure if I'm worrying for no reason, as we have no plans of splitting up, but I can't help but feel very vulnerable.

I'm with my partner of 7+ years, and we have a 3 year old. I have never worked, as got pregnant straight after uni (planned) and became severely ill due to this (not planned obviously!). I still have major health problems which is preventing me from working, but I am working through it and hope I can soon. Also child care costs a lot down here (South East), so I haven't been able to afford it.

We live in a rented flat, and receive housing benefit and child tax credits. HB gets paid to our joint account, and most of my partner's wage too. We only use it for rent, bills and food - never anything "fun" as such. He has a small amount of money left after paying into the joint account. He is not in any way financially abusive or anything, though he's never been good at handling his money. At the moment he is fine, simply because he doesn't have any. I get the child tax credit to my account, but also put most of it to the joint account. We're barely keeping our heads above the water.

We are not engaged or married. I am worried if we were to split, would I be homeless? Both our names are on the tenancy, and we paid half the deposit each. I have absolutely no family here, as I'm not English. I can't move back to my home country for complicated reasons. I have 2 friends, neither of which would be able to let me and my son sofa surf due to space issue.

I basically have nobody, and no money of my own apart from a small amount in child tax credit (think £50 a month after I've paid for bills). However I'm well into my overdraft, so it's not technically my money.

What can I do? I feel like I just need to know what would happen if we were to split whilst I don't work, and if I would be homeless and on the street? Obviously my other half would never let our son be without somewhere to stay. We have no plans of getting married, and I won't pressure my partner to do that either. I just feel like I'm in an incredibly vulnerable position. Hope someone can give me some advice.

pocketsaviour Sun 12-Feb-17 21:45:36

Get a job. Not being UKIP but basically that's what you need to do.

But even in the southeast, single mothers with children will always get emergency housing, so you know. Whatever.

Why did you plan to get pregnant before you ever worked?

Lavinia28 Sun 12-Feb-17 21:48:29

It's non of my business, but I am just interested why you are not planning to marry.

RedastheRose Sun 12-Feb-17 21:56:45

You are both on the tenancy agreement so why would you have to leave if you split? Working would give you more than just money it would give you self confidence and help you make friends, if you can get a job it would be good for you both personally and socially. The cost of childcare is an issue and not being married unfortunately does leave you in a very vulnerable position in this country as you have more rights.

Jenniferb21 Sun 12-Feb-17 21:59:28


Firstly if your child is 3 aren then they entitled to certain free hours of childcare? I think it's just being increased from 15 hours. Could you work part time?

Unfortunately there are less rights for seperating cohabiting couples than those who are married. However the general rule is you get to keep what is yours. You'd be most likely to remain in your home as the main carer of your child. You would need to work out how to divide your possessions and finances. See:

(I am a qualified legal adviser with two law degrees I would recommend reading the above)

Just as a side note. If you have a smartphone these apps are fab for making some extra money (market research apps) Voxpopme, ipoll, valued opinions, Enlightly, one pulse. I've made about £150 in a few months. You need a PayPal account but it's taxfree and could help you save up to get out of your overdraft.

Does your local child centre have local playgroups and classes for mothers and toddlers? You could make some new friends there's. I've made loads since having my baby and most groups/ classes are free or only £1. (I.e playgroup/ music group/ baby-toddler massage etc)


Jenniferb21 Sun 12-Feb-17 22:00:19

Sorry another app I forgot... qmee.

Purplebluebird Sun 12-Feb-17 22:07:59

pocket that's very easy to say, but I have major health problems that means it's just not possible to work at this moment. I am recovering slowly though, hoping I can work a few months down the line (maybe 3-4 months from now). I would love to work full time, but not sure my health is up to that. Will have to try though, if I can find a job when I am able to work.

My son is not quite 3 yet, we get free childcare for 15 hours in April.

Thank you for the advice @Jenniferb21 I will have a look at the link and those apps. I do go to a toddler group, and have made a friend there recently, so hopefully that will lead to a good friendship.

Jenniferb21 Sun 12-Feb-17 22:33:49

That's fab so when you get those free hours maybe you can look for a work from home job? Basic admin sort of thing? Could you advertise on gum tree to house Sit/ dog walk/ iron? Obviously I'm unsure of why your physical health problems are so sorry if that's not possible and hope you recover soon.

Those apps will make a difference im going to save all my earnings this year so I have money for Christmas me am not getting in to debt like last year.

That's great about making a new friend at a toddler group maybe you can see if there's any more around. Sometimes local libraries have free reading sessions for toddlers and babygroups etc. X

Purplebluebird Mon 13-Feb-17 08:49:02

I have actually been looking for work from home (admin stuff), though not thought about checking Gumtree. I can manage to work from home in the evenings, or when my little one has free childcare.

I have downloaded some of the apps, so will definitely keep up with that if I don't have to register it anywhere!

Will check out the library too, thank you!

Jenniferb21 Mon 13-Feb-17 09:01:44

Yep also maybe saying some old clothes and bag stuff etc on eBay. My rule is if I've not worn it for 3 months it goes on there.

Also if you have a little one their clothes sell well. I've sold his smart outfits from m&s and next he's worn once for special occasions and got half the money I spent back. Any normal everyday clothes I put up in bundles get between £5-10 but it all adds up. X

SandyY2K Mon 13-Feb-17 09:08:48

You could start off with looking for part time weekend work, when your health improves.

Download shpock and use it to start selling unwanted and unused itejs

Purplebluebird Mon 13-Feb-17 09:56:27

Already sold some stuff on Shpock, very happy with that app. Will try Ebay, I have a pile of clothes (both mine and my son's) I have been trying to sell on FB and Shpock, but nobody is interested! Part time weekend work is also a good idea, I'd love to pay off my overdraft.

Thanks for good advice again smile

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