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Would you forgive this lie?

(123 Posts)
takingstock Sun 12-Feb-17 18:55:02

My partner has always been quite secretive. We've been seeing each other for 8 months and I've always had the sense that he isn't being straight with me. I did have it out with him a few months ago but he got angry and told me he would never lie and he was really hurt by the suggestion. However I've never met any family, only met a few friends and he tells stories about his past that sound very far fetched. So I still don't really believe or fully trust him. But.... he is a lovely, kind, caring man. He's been brilliant with my kids and I love being with him for all the good bits of our relationship.

However, I've recently found out that he went out to a black tie dinner without me when he had told me he was doing something completely different (in quite a lot of detail).

When I found out (by digging around social media and finding some photos of him at the black tie event) I confronted him and asked him to tell me the truth. When he realised I knew where he'd been, he admitted it. He got very upset, told me it was to do with his business (and to secure our financial future), and told me he'd been wrong not to trust me with the truth.

I've forgiven him but a few weeks later I've got this nagging doubt that he never actually told me everything about that evening, only what he thought I knew, and if he was capable of lying once, how can I be sure it won't happen again.

Would you have forgiven him and how can I truly put my mind at rest?

Buzzardbird Sun 12-Feb-17 18:57:42

It's been 8 months ffs. It's not meant to be difficult.

Let him go on his way. Find someone honest.

PaulaBBB Sun 12-Feb-17 18:57:46

Your gut is telling you something isn't quite right. Trust it.

End this now and save yourself the heartache that will eventually happen.

biddleyboo Sun 12-Feb-17 18:58:40

Sorry OP but if he's lying in detail and making up stories then you will never feel at peace. 8 months in....cut your losses and run!
Oh and it may be my cynicism but the whole "our financial future" after only eight months smacks of future faking to me.
Love bombing, future faking, lying in detail..narcissist 101

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 12-Feb-17 18:58:45

No I wouldn't. This doesn't sound like a one-off sadly.

AnyFucker Sun 12-Feb-17 18:58:46

No.

A few months in and it is clear he is a shady fucker

You know it. Don't try to find reasons to excuse it. I expect he took OW to the black tie dinner or else why not just tell you about it ?

Working for your future ? 8 months in ? Bollocks.

Incidentally, why have you introduced a boyfriend you know is not straight up to your kids ?

AhYerWill Sun 12-Feb-17 19:00:56

You'll never trust him as he's a proper shady lying fucker. If he's making up massively elaborate lies about an evening out, what the hell else is he lying about?

category12 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:03:49

You've met few friends and no family, he tells shaggy dog stories, he lies about going to this event. I think you will find he's married or something.

This is the best time, when you're on good behaviour with each other in the first few months and you don't trust the man at all (for good reason). Ditch him. Raise your game.

Nicpem1982 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:05:38

Nope if you can't trust him now why would you in the future

takingstock Sun 12-Feb-17 19:06:39

I introduced him to the kids as the first few months were great, I got really excited and it's my first relationship since being married for fifteen years. I know I was naive.

MadMags Sun 12-Feb-17 19:06:40

8 months. And going on about your financial future??

Run.

Janey50 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:07:29

Trust your gut instinct OP. I did when in a similar situation in a previous relationship. I'm glad I did.

AnyFucker Sun 12-Feb-17 19:08:46

Yes, you were naive.

But you would be really stupid to continue now it has dawned how dodgy he actually is.

Time to put it right.

TurnipCake Sun 12-Feb-17 19:08:55

This guy is so shady you don't need to wear SPF.

No way in hell would I be forgiving him. And securing your financial future is a lovely load of bollocks if I ever heard it.

I doubt he went to this event unaccompanied either

bananarama75 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:18:26

Seriously.Run and Fast.
Lying is never for no reason and if the excuse he's given you doesn't stack up then he's hiding something else.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 12-Feb-17 19:25:40

Yes you were naïve and indeed you would be foolish at all to continue this relationship. And I would agree with the comment about him love bombing, future faking and lying in detail aspects of this man as well. That all points to a narcissist. He needs to be out of your life now.

Work on you and raise your relationship bar a lot higher.

NeeNahh Sun 12-Feb-17 19:29:30

Did he explain why he lied? It seems a weird thing to lie about.

I think you should run for the hills. He sounds like a compulsive liar.

thisgirlrides Sun 12-Feb-17 19:32:17

It would be very odd to attend a black-tie do (unless it was a strictly work function) & not invite a partner let alone bloody mention it! My bet is he's either married/in a ltr, has a shady past he's trying to keep secret or is planning to scam you. Whatever it might be, get as far away from him as possible and trust your gut.

Bluebellevergreen Sun 12-Feb-17 19:42:51

I would not be with someone that lies, particularly if I had DC
Why would he lie over something so silly anyway?

I think better to walk now after 8 months because how will you trust him?

Woody67 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:43:49

Don't lend him any money.

Valentine2 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:47:43

I wouldn't have introduced him to my family. Why did you do it when he didn't? You need to go with your gut instinct and leave it here. He isn't worth it.

Gallavich Sun 12-Feb-17 19:48:11

You barely know him, and what you do know is dodgy.
In future, never introduce a man to your kids until you really know them.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sun 12-Feb-17 19:51:41

Dump and move on. Dont be in a massive rush to recreate your family next time.

takingstock Sun 12-Feb-17 19:54:28

Does anyone think that there is any hope for us because he admitted lying when I told him I knew the truth??

MadMags Sun 12-Feb-17 19:55:07

No.

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