Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

On line dating is not what I thought!

(31 Posts)
tireddotcom72 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:30:43

Hmm recently single so thought I would try on line dating! Inundated with messages from lots of unsuitable men but one left me shock! He didn't want a relationship just a deal in exchange for cash and gifts!! Since when has plenty of fish been an escort service!!

brokenbone Sun 12-Feb-17 18:43:29

I met my partner on Plenty of Fish the day I'd decided enough was enough. I was in there for 4 weeks and like you, was inundated with sex mad maniacs asking for naked pics and sending me dick pics! Once they realise you're looking for more than just a quick hook up, they disappear! Luckily as I was about to delete my account a message popped through from my lovely partner, we've been together nearly 4 years. I really wouldn't recommend POF. If you're serious about OLD then go for a paid site like Match as having to pay seriously thins out the weirdos! Make sure you put exactly what you are looking for on your profile and make it clear you are not after a one night stand. Good luck flowers

abbsisspartacus Sun 12-Feb-17 22:37:34

Yes I've had a few of those crop up and the ones where they work all over the country and "need" casual sex the wife doesn't need to know and it will be the best sex ever hmm naa

EighthElement Sun 12-Feb-17 22:41:34

I realised the other day I've met 20 men now. About 14 of these I only met the once. A couple I saw twice. A couple of doom McRelationships and maybe a friendship that dwindled as well. The only one I grew properly close to did not want a relationship hmm with me anyway, but still hovered around me for 6 months

The number of fat men in their fifties who are not looking for anything serious is hilarious. I am looking for a relationship and if I were just looking for sex I wouldn't be tempted by these guys.

EighthElement Sun 12-Feb-17 22:43:20

Disagree about paying for sites though. IME the fat bald short men think that because they've paid they're entitled to somebody gorgeous!

Free sites are better.

pendeen123 Wed 15-Feb-17 22:02:46

Eight element- you are so right! It is absolutely outrageous IMO that men in their fifties who are "short,fat,bald" should make any attempt whatsoever to find love online....

EighthElement Thu 16-Feb-17 00:01:21

I think you misunderstood ! Good for anybody male or female young or old fat or thin who makes the effort but most people have a vague idea of how attractive they are and who they might be successful approaching. I found that the money issued skewed that level of self-awareness. I went on a few dates with a few suited booted professionals who had nothing going for them and they were slagging off the site and women. I've met more men and nicer men on the free sites.

Blobby10 Thu 16-Feb-17 10:39:10

Im feeling very cheated that I've been on POF for three weeks now and haven't had a single dick pic or naked photo sent to me!! I've only given one man my number as we are going out on Saturday.

Dont think i've had any weirdos either - although as one of my early questions is "are you a weirdo or a pervert?" this may account for that! grin

Perhaps I've just been lucky - I've certainly had more interest than I did on Match! Unfortunately my children (all old teenagers) have banned me from Tinder as they are on it and dont want to run the risk of seeing my profile smile

ocelot7 Thu 16-Feb-17 11:38:33

OP when I first started OLD I looked at a few women's profiles to get an idea & saw one woman offering exactly that deal! - sex in return for stuff
OLD is a lottery - I met about the same number of men as Eighth with exactly the same result sad . Just that, when I had long given up on it, I randomly got a message from someone a year ago & we got together smile

ravenmum Thu 16-Feb-17 11:50:10

Hm, I am almost 50 and not the most attractive woman in the world but I still approach men I find attractive. Hope they are not all laughing at my cheek thinking I might have luck wth someone "above my station".

housewifedesperate Thu 16-Feb-17 11:55:09

Online dating can be brutal and you do need the hide of a rhino!
I try now not to take it too seriously. I view it as a nice addition to my life and not the bee all and end all. Be selective but have fun.

Chickenagain Thu 16-Feb-17 12:05:34

I used PoF, had a few nice dates, but never any pornmail. I took time over my profile and the pictures I put up and had lots & lots of really nice replies. Neighbours DS & DDIL met on PoF. I would still use it, but met someone in RL. Lots of the PoF men are on Guardian Soulmates too ( where my friend met her lovely DBF).

Writerwannabe83 Thu 16-Feb-17 12:17:12

I had a message on POF from a guy who asked if he could meet me, wrap me up in tinfoil (Baco Foil) and have sex with me as he had a fetish for robots.... grin

I met three guys from POF....

1) We dated for a few weeks and he seemed perfectly nice and normal but then he started showing me half naked photos of his ex-gf and asking if I was turned on by them....

2) We only had one date. We had arranged to go out for a meal which he turns up 20 minutes later for. He then tells me he's not hungry as he had a big lunch so I ended up ordering three courses for myself whilst he watched me eat. As he walked me back to the taxi-rank he asked if he could have a kiss because he was turned on by "women who enjoy their food" and I was like hell no! He text me later that night, going on again about how much he loved the fact I had eaten so much, that he felt a deep connection and could he see me again. Obviously I said no! His photos on his dating profile had also been very misleading.

3) I'm now married to him and expecting our 2nd child.

POF can be hilarious - you've just got to ride out the weirdoes and wait for Mr Right.

EighthElement Thu 16-Feb-17 15:49:26

That's amazing that you met a good one so quickly. I have met 23. I'm meeting 24 on Saturday. When I told number 23 that, he implied I was fussy. This from the guy who gave himself an injection in the stomach two feet away from me earlier in the evening. Bit of a shock, I coped. I ended up warming to him. Not enough to date him but he was ok. However the too fussy thing is no where near fair! There is literally nobody that I gelled with who also wanted to see me again! Even the two I gelled with who i would have seen again if they'd wanted to see me, neither of them were as communicative or as straightforward afterwards as I'd have liked, so after time passes you end up thinking nah they were 'no thank yous' as well.

JellyBean31 Thu 16-Feb-17 16:08:27

@Blobby10 unless you have your age limit set to men in your DCs age range or they have theirs set to people in your age range, you won't see each other on Tinder!

A 24 yr old guy in my office never saw me even though his age range went up to my age because he's way below my minimum.

I was only on POF for a week about 18 months ago, it was the initial messages from men I wasn't interested in and the subsequent ranty follow ups when I didn't respond that put me off. Has that side of it improved Eighth.

I know what you mean about the fat balding men, of course they are entitled to look for love, but it's the fact that they are usually married and looking for NSA fun that makes me laugh.

Blobby10 Thu 16-Feb-17 16:21:37

JellyBeans i think my son is more worried that some of his friends want an older woman so may get my profile!

I'm getting on OK with POF - havent had any abusive messages for not replying to their 'Hi' messages. Nor any naked or near naked or dick pics - not sure whether to be pleased or offended!! I just ignore those who dont meet my criteria (I have a minimum height issue!!!) or those from miles away.

Eighth I know what you mean! I had a date in RL in December and he was my ideal (apart from the fact that he smoked but he didn't smell of smoke so it didn't bother me!) but he wasnt into me! Think Im still holding a bit of a torch for him. There have been 3 on POF who I really liked but they didn't want me shrug their loss wink x Good luck with number 24!

EightiethElement Thu 16-Feb-17 17:43:18

Blobby, I think it can depend on how many dates they've been on before you sometimes. The one I really liked who I never heard from again (except for a linked in request confused , we'd got on really well and it was so effortless, and, not to be vain or say something disparaging about him, but he oughtn't to have aiming tooooo much higher because it would have been an over reach! lol. I'm trying to paint a picture without a thousand words there and yet I sound a bitch. I'm not, honestly!
But despite the fact that he'd been divorced for years, I was his first internet date and I think he thought, "bloody hell, this was easy, bit of banter on line, pretty slim good humoured woman who is very easy to talk to is sitting right in front of me! Just a few clicks is all it took". So instead of valuing that click that we had, he thought instead, that was so easy.

Jellybean, I think it's improved in that...... I am better at not investing. I'm meeting somebody on Saturday and he seems promising but it's me who's not texting incessantly (and he's so easy to chat to so I could easily) but I know enough now to know that we're both basically text-flirting with our fantasy man/woman. It's all smoke and mirrors till you meet somebody. Also, I once clicked on show interest by mistake, on the profile of a man of 5'7" and I admit I thought, uh-oh. He replied and his message was lovely so I ended up meeting him and he was the other one who I really liked who didn't want to follow up. But he was a bit cold in his way of telling me. Unlike the first one I mentioned who communicated through the medium of silence, this guy told me very upfront he didn't want to follow up (he cancelled a second date which he'd arranged confused ) so........ that was honest and straightforward but there was an edge of something else there. I think he just ladled on a bit of extra coldness. It's hard though, I know, the balance between cold and patronising. But yes it's got easier in that I seem to be ripping through them really quickly now and it's not taking the slightest strut out of my stride!

JellyBean31 Thu 16-Feb-17 18:57:12

Might resurrect my POF profile for a look see as I think I've "completed" tinder and have RSI from swiping left!!

There's another I'm on called Bumble... Tinder(ish) in that you swipe but it's USP is that the women must message first. Not loads of guys on there but the ones I have matched with seem less interested in just a hook up

ceecee32 Thu 16-Feb-17 19:01:30

I have dabbled in OLD for a while - get fed up and leave well alone for months but then decide to have another look.

I got chatting on line to a man who seems nice enough - but he doesn't work, says he is financially secure and that he doesn't work for health reasons.

I was married to someone who didn't believe in going to work - finished up in debt up to my eyeballs and struggled for years to get on top of things, so it has always been a complete No No to even chat to someone who doesn't work.

Am I being a bit too hard - its no wonder I never find anyone but have got my own house, money in the bank, no worries and no intention of living a life of debt again.

Not sure whether or not to say I am no longer going to meet him or is that really horrible

Boolovessulley Thu 16-Feb-17 19:19:58

I know lots of people who have met on pof.

I think it's good to write a detailed profile and set your boundaries.

Good luck op.

EightiethElement Thu 16-Feb-17 20:38:42

How busy is he?
An independently wealthy man could be a bored lifel3ss nightmare or somebody tuned in to their passions

ocelot7 Fri 17-Feb-17 08:13:40

I wouldn't meet someone who didn't work either - don't want them bugging me to do stuff when I'm busy! That happened to a friend with someone who claimed to be a "consultant" aka unemployed/retired.....

EightiethElement Fri 17-Feb-17 08:59:51

Yeh Consultant aka unemployed. Lol. A woman would never have the nerve!

Bant Fri 17-Feb-17 09:23:42

On the 'not dating someone who doesn't work' thing - what about a stay at home mum, once their kids are at school? Doesn't claim benefits, is financially careful but secure.

Red flag?

ceecee32 Fri 17-Feb-17 09:49:48

But a man in his 50s, who lives in social housing is different to a stay at home mum. It says to me that there is no ambition, someone happy to just accept life. I have worked bloody hard a at 2 jobs for 20 years to get myself out of the crap that my ex left me with, so yes to me it is a red flag,

And just writing that down has made me realise that it is a deal breaker for me

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: