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Tips please

(8 Posts)
reikizen Sun 12-Feb-17 17:14:54

My dh is a nice person but he can be very careless with feelings (mine and the kids). He is always late, never apologises for it and forgets things like picking me up from work when he has the car. He has never once admitted he may be in the wrong or apologised to me (for anything) and if I ever try to tell him he has hurt my feelings it is always my fault one way or another (usually that I have psychological problems and am blowing everything out of proportion or I am like my mother who is emotionally abusive).
Anyway, does anyone have any tips for raising issues without turning it into a personality assassination? Or do I just suck it up/leave if I feel it is too much? I would like to feel there is a middle road.

AutumnalLeafs Sun 12-Feb-17 18:20:11

My dh is a nice person but he can be very careless with feelings (mine and the kids). He is always late, never apologises for it and forgets things like picking me up from work when he has the car.

Sorry but how is this a nice person?

He has never once admitted he may be in the wrong or apologised to me (for anything) and if I ever try to tell him he has hurt my feelings it is always my fault one way or another (usually that I have psychological problems and am blowing everything out of proportion or I am like my mother who is emotionally abusive).

Tbh this sounds a classic hallmark of a selfish bully (at best) or an emotional abuser (at worst). You've answered your own question. You've tried to tell him and the response you get is "it's your fault". "You are SOOOOOO sensitive" is the battle cry of an emotional abuser.

There is nothing you can do here. You've tried to tell him how you feel and you've seen how that has gone.

If you want to stay with someone selfish who prioritises their needs above you and your children, that's fine. But the only way to deal with it is to try to rise above it and make yourself not care. Why would you do that?

SparklyMagpie Sun 12-Feb-17 18:23:23

Sorry but you can't change somebody, LTB

flowers

Happybunny19 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:24:48

I like Autumn wondered how that behaviour ties in with the nice guy you described. He sounds like a self centered arsehole.

AutumnalLeafs Sun 12-Feb-17 18:24:58

Have a look at this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2850576-The-Grey-Rocks-1

AutumnalLeafs Sun 12-Feb-17 18:25:42

Happybunny - £100 says the response will be "he's very charming" and " a great dad to the kids who love him".

Happybunny19 Sun 12-Feb-17 18:27:27

Hmmm, saddens me when expectations are this low sad

reikizen Sun 12-Feb-17 21:01:10

God, I hadn't thought it sounded that bad! I thought I just didn't know how to react in the right way and all men were like that tbh. And reading the 'grey rock' stuff made me realise I do that a lot without realising it. Crap. sad

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