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Couple have made my life difficult after I turned down a threesome. How to explain to others?

(62 Posts)
Ffsishowifeelabouteverything Sun 12-Feb-17 16:15:58

Where I live there is a very well regarded couple: funny, great jobs, lovely DC, wealthy, good looking, influential, do loads for the community. When i was with my exP, we were 15 years younger but they and other people took us under their wing. I used to be great friends with the wife back when I was with my exP too, but around the time that we broke up, everything went wrong.

I was in quite a vulnerable position when I broke up with my ex as he was borderline abusive. I was alone with not much money and I confided in this woman and she made sure that I was included in various things where we live and with all of mine and exP's mutual friends.

During an event at her house she told me to come up to their bedroom which they'd recently renovated so I could see what they'd done with it. They had a new bed and she told me to try it out. I thought that was a bit weird but maybe she was just having a laugh and we were very good friends so lay down on it together on top of the duvet and I was saying how comfortable it was and we were chatting about general stuff.

Next thing I know her husband comes in and lays down next to us. I got up, feeling it was slightly awkward and said I would go back outside. They both got annoyed with me and told me to "relax" and pulled me back down. So I very awkwardly stayed on the bed with them with her husband hugging me and running his hand on my arm until they started kissing and began to take each other's clothes off. When I tried to leave again they gave me the impression that I had somehow led them on which I hadn't. It was very much a "you have to go ahead with this now because you've got us excited." I inmediately made my excuses and left to go back outside to the other guests.

At the time I was very confused and naive and just thought they were very highly sexed and I had accidentally been in the wrong place, wrong time, but looking back now I see exactly what it was - at the very least they were trying to get me to have sex with him and at the most, they wanted a threesome.

Well since then they stopped speaking to me. Completely. They also told other people that we know that they no longer spoke to me. No reason why but they are giving the impression that it is something I have done but because they are "discreet" and good people they are not saying.

This has caused a huge amount of problems for me in friendships and work relationships. It means I get excluded from events in the town, I find it hard to make friends and - because here your employment is very much wrapped up in what you do socially as it's a market town - it has affected my work. They have massively affected my life.

It has got to the point that I am extremely tempted to tell people what happened, but I'm not sure how to do it. It sounds so far-fetched, inappropriate and ludicrous as no one would ever think that of them. People actually say to me "why does X dislike you so much?" I would like to be able to have an answer that I could tell people from my closest friends to potential employers.

What should I say?

Cricrichan Sun 12-Feb-17 16:19:36

I'd tell people!

TulipsInAJug Sun 12-Feb-17 16:26:09

I'd be tempted to tell people, too, but would they have it in their power to make your life even more difficult /miserable if you do?

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sun 12-Feb-17 16:28:04

You'd think for a couple who clearly appear to run the entire town, they'd have a better command of etiquette not to try and have a threesome whilst hosting a soirée.

Ffsishowifeelabouteverything Sun 12-Feb-17 16:29:03

I think as soon as the information was out there and that it wasn't a "discreet" problem of mine that they weren't going to disclose, things would change a lot.

But how to tell people? I can't announce in an interview that so and so doesn't like me because they tried to have a threesome.

Is there a way I can imply it so that people can come to their own conclusions? Without me ever sounding crass?

PossumInAPearTree Sun 12-Feb-17 16:29:13

I would just say that they did something which didn't make you feel very comfortable but that you don't want to discuss it more than that. Let people draw their own conclusions but leave them in no doubt it was something they did.

OneWithTheForce Sun 12-Feb-17 16:32:01

Tell people! I guarantee you aren't the only person they have tried that with. There will be others. Some people will believe you. Others won't. But some will. Because they know it happened to someone else or it happened to them.

PlumsGalore Sun 12-Feb-17 16:34:48

Personally I don't believe this will have been their first time. I would tell, I bet they are whisperings in a market town about them anyway.

I live in a small market town, I know where a couple of swingers live!

BonnyScotland Sun 12-Feb-17 16:36:39

stop covering up for his pair of absolutely disgusting pair of scumbags.... they tried to take advantage of you in your very vulnerable insecure state of mind to try to play sex games and turn you into their threesome buddy... I'm appalled that you would even consider keeping their 'dirty little secret' whilst they run you into the gutter ...

Had they simply invited you to have a Threesome.. and you politely declined or accepted is nobody's business... but that's NOT what happened here... you were manipulated.... Horribly... SPEAK UP GIRL x

Thinkingofausername1 Sun 12-Feb-17 16:37:42

Name and shame. You could even report to police as unwanted attention. They sound weird.

MrDacresEUSubsidy Sun 12-Feb-17 16:38:02

Tell them exactly what happened! It will cause a ruckus - some people will believe you, some people won't. But those who do may form the source of some new friends for you and it will at least shine a light on this other couple and their completely inappropriate behaviour.

No issue with anyone having a threesome as long as all involved are happy with it and have given consent - which was exactly what was missing here. They KNEW you were uncomfortable when you tried to get up and leave. They never ASKED you if you were interested in them sexually. Now they are fronting it out by making out it's something you've done - nice bit of victim blaming from them.

Tell people. I bet my shiny pound you aren't the first person they have tried it on with and who has felt uncomfortable with their mode of approach. If someone asks then keep it short but to the point: Oh it's quite awkward. I was round at a party one night and after being invited to look at their redecorated bedroom they ended up trying to get me to have a threesome with them. I wasn't interested and they were pretty unhappy with me as a result and have blanked me ever since. I was pretty shaken by the whole thing to be honest as it's the last thing I'd ever expected to happen!

Gaelach Sun 12-Feb-17 16:39:23

If you're asked outright again why they dislike you, I think I would say someone vague-ish like, "some people just don't like being turned down" or "they feel uncomfortable with how I responded to a proposition from them, I suppose it's make them angry". It's implying what happened without explicitly saying it.

AuntNancy Sun 12-Feb-17 16:41:06

You'd think for a couple who clearly appear to run the entire town, they'd have a better command of etiquette not to try and have a threesome whilst hosting a soirée.

^^ this.

FurryLittleTwerp Sun 12-Feb-17 16:41:51

If asked I'd say that they'd tried to put me in a compromising position & didn't want to take "No" for an answer.

Let people draw their own conclusions from that.

Keep your head high, be polite & friendly, keep putting yourself out there.

Agree with Plums this won't have been the first time they've tried to swing with a friend.

EweAreHere Sun 12-Feb-17 16:44:33

Is there anything keeping you in that particular town? Can you relocate?

And start telling people about the weird threesome attempt you turned down cold before you go...

specialsubject Sun 12-Feb-17 16:46:54

sounds like an attempted rape to me, which fortunately you got out of. When one participant isn't willing and the other(s) involved won't stop - that's sexual assault.

women can be sexual assailants too.

nothing to lose by keeping it quiet...

Ffsishowifeelabouteverything Sun 12-Feb-17 16:47:32

They always host parties, drinks flowing, big house, caterers. This happened in the summer and it was an all-day affair.

I agree they should have a better grasp of etiquette but so much of this well to do community is oriented around being "liberal" and "open," which is great in many ways, but not when it's fake liberal, ie not respecting someone else's wishes.

Ffsishowifeelabouteverything Sun 12-Feb-17 16:48:33

I could leave the town but tbh I feel quite angry about all of this. My parents also live here and I grew up here.

Nofunkingworriesmate Sun 12-Feb-17 16:57:49

Write a racy novel/ blog with their names barely changed post it on lamposts or leave copies on bus, make money by selling it to trashy mag
That should do it
Scum bags deserve no mercy

RandomMess Sun 12-Feb-17 16:58:02

When asked I would consider responding with something along the lines of...

"oh they were disappointed I wasn't in to swinging like they are" and let them draw their own conclusion that you turned them down!

MiMiMaguire Sun 12-Feb-17 17:02:10

"Cos I'm not into threesomes with OAPs"

NewPuppyMum Sun 12-Feb-17 17:02:48

Trying to assault someone is fuck all to do with etiquette! hmm

AuntNancy Sun 12-Feb-17 17:19:37

Well, if they're relaxed enough about swinging that they're prepared to engage in a threesome with a house full of people downstairs, who might overhear or walk in, then it must be common knowledge amongst their set that that's what they're into. And I agree that you won't be the first person who's turned them down either - if you start responding to questions about their cold-shouldering with something like, 'I'm not into their particular hobby' then you'll maybe find a few people quietly letting you know you're not alone.

SuperFlyHigh Sun 12-Feb-17 17:20:28

Just tell the truth! If necessary I'd maybe consider reporting to the police as attempted sexual assault/rape.

AnyFucker Sun 12-Feb-17 17:26:52

This is a strange sort of town

Is it Royston Vasey ?

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