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How does an anxious introvert meet a potential partner?

(5 Posts)
dotandstripe Sun 12-Feb-17 13:56:30

I'm about to officially reach my mid-thirties and feel like I'm coming up to the time when I make one more attempt to find someone, and if it doesn't work out, accept I'm going to remain single and build my life accordingly instead.

I've always been an introvert; always preferred staying at home getting on with my own activities rather than going out and seeing people. I'm an only child with hardly any extended family. I have a few good friends I've known for a 5-15 years, most live further away so we rarely meet. I get along with people in my neighbourhood, at work etc. but we rarely socialise. Most of the time I'm very happy alone and in my own company because too much people-time makes me tired and overwhelmed. I've had a few shorter term partners, one I even lived with, but nothing for about 5 years now apart a very brief attempt at dating someone who I always knew was not suitable anyway but we had fun flirting for a few months.

I don't go anywhere I would really meet new people. All the usual places where people meet their partner i.e. university or work never had anyone suitable - probably because of the subjects I studied, the people there were 80% women, 10% gay men and the rest already partnered up. I don't like bars or clubs and imagine my ideal partner is not going to be hanging out there anyway. Hobbies or volunteering have also never helped. When I've asked friends if they know anyone to introduce me to, they've either said no or in desperation tried to set me up with someone unsuitable.

When I've tried online dating in the past it felt like a strange competition where everyone is simultaneously dating several people and trying to choose the best one. I'm not horrible - I'm reasonably attractive and can be good company but I'm not a bubbly, social butterfly type... And I feel like the people I come across online mostly seem to like a lifestyle that's way too "outgoing" for me. I don't crave exotic holidays or nights out, my idea of a good time is ordering a take away and changing into a comfy outfit... My ideal future lifestyle would involve moving to a small town/village with a countryside outlook and working from home (I'm building up my own business that is online based so I can work anywhere), probably having a house full of rescue cats. I'll probably always suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. On the other hand, I'm a loyal friend, can be fun company, am very creative and like looking after the people I love.

For a long time I've thought I'm just better off single because who could possibly put up with me, but every now and again I see someone else (usually online) who is a lot like me and has still found a partner who understands them and wants the same things, and it looks like they have a lovely life together, and at those times I feel like maybe there is someone out there for me too and I won't end up growing old completely alone...

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how did you meet your partner?

Lavinia28 Sun 12-Feb-17 15:10:45

I can not really relate because I am extroverted but have you ever tried a matchmaker. A friend of mine did. She is really introverted, very smart, interested in art and found a man just like her. They are married with three children now.

SharkBastard Sun 12-Feb-17 15:14:15

I'm an introvert, terrible in social situations! I met DH online dating, he's like me grin

We are both introverts, I was just open and honest about my introversion and lack of social circle etc, and he accepted this and confirmed he too was like that. We've been married 3 years now and expecting a child together. I have a child from a previous 'relationship' and he's a wonderful dad to her (her father has never bothered with her or wanted to meet her)

There are people like us out there, just got to make it obvious you're an introvert, you know us introverts like it spelt out smile

Purplebluebird Sun 12-Feb-17 15:18:19

I met mine in world of warcraft blush. Also met my ex there...

Online friendships that evolve into romance is the way to go for me, could work for you? Get to know someone more online before meeting irl.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 12-Feb-17 15:20:02

Gosh you sound JUST like me! Apart from the cats-I'm allergic to them!!

Watching with interest. I'm hoping I'll meet my match in the supermarket!

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