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DP is driving me mad, am I?

(48 Posts)
marilyn246 Sun 12-Feb-17 13:37:47

Looking for advice:

ok so Friday night my DP came home after being away for two days. Both kids at grandparents, dinner in the oven a bottle of wine on the table. The problem? I had my engagement ring on the wrong finger.
Why have you got your ring on the wrong finger? Oh I didn't realise. Is it?
You know it is! Now you mention it, but does it really matter?
Yes why have you done that? I didn't do it on purpose?
I expect you didn't wear it at all today and you have just put it on! Oh stop being so stupid (i leave the room) when I go back in ...
Who have you friended on facebook? Pardon?
Who have you friended on facebook? Mmm The new lady at work.
Why have you done that? I was just chatting to her today so friended her.
Who else have you friended? No one
Well you have three more friends than the last time I looked, who is it?
I haven't friended anyone else, honestly. Look ( I show my friends list)
So now the evening is ruined. I'm angry and can't be bothered to speak to him.
He goes to another room as he cant sit there if I'm not going to talk to him.
Then he keeps coming in goading me.
You really don't want this to work do you
you're a cold hard bitch
you're just like you're mother
you are driving a wedge between us.
I tell him that I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I haven't done anything wrong.
he says its all my fault as i do not initiate sex anymore, I don't text him enough when he's away, i don't fling my arms around him when he returns. Because I wont talk about why I am not like this.
Eventually he goes to bed. I know I am shutting down. I have been for over two years, just gradually feeing worn down and numb. So when he says its my fault I believe him.
this is not the first incident, infact these kind of arguments are getting more regular. Is it me?

TurnipCake Sun 12-Feb-17 13:40:23

It's not you.

You are in an abusive relationship and it will only continue to escalate.

You don't have to live in this situation, you deserve to be happy flowers

sophiestew Sun 12-Feb-17 13:49:23

Why are you still in this "relationship?"

Clearly neither of you is happy. Life is too short for this kind of shit.

SorrelSoup Sun 12-Feb-17 13:52:51

This is ridiculous! Just end it now. What a controlling, abusive prick! You do know that, don't you?

Butterymuffin Sun 12-Feb-17 13:56:26

Whatever you do, something will always be wrong according to picky fuckers like this. Give it up. You'll only get more miserable. And you can friend whoever you want on Facebook. He has no right to demand control of that and it's a very bad sign that he does. Tell him you've had enough.

Astro55 Sun 12-Feb-17 14:00:10

LOL - does he want a 50's wife?

You can- befriend anyone you like
Wear or not wear your ring
Text him or not !!

He's been away - you've been alone with 2 kids - not sat around wistfully awaiting his return ...

Next time - fuck off out with the kids and ask him to text you when dinners ready

GarrulousGrimoire Sun 12-Feb-17 14:00:49

Don't get married, take your chance and go.

BeMorePanda Sun 12-Feb-17 14:07:25

Its not you it's him. He's an abusive arsehole and it's escalating.

He's probably projecting with all the accusations of you looking elsewhere and being untrustworthy - I'd put money on this being what he is up to.

Dontsayyouloveme Sun 12-Feb-17 14:08:02

It's not your fault, and it's not your fault you're shutting down if you've been on this receiving end of this shitty attitude and controlling behaviour for so long... find your inner self worth and leave. You don't deserve being treated like this. flowers

SparklingRaspberry Sun 12-Feb-17 15:30:32


TheNaze73 Sun 12-Feb-17 15:33:17

He sounds like a joy. Reread your post & your advice would be run OP

marilyn246 Sun 12-Feb-17 15:33:37

He keeps threatening to leave. The last time was last night. Packed all his bags and said he was going. He got really angry when I didn't react. Then kept coming to ell me how I was a real piece of work and I was destroying our family. He didn't go, said this morning that he wouldn't do that to the children!

PatriciaHolm Sun 12-Feb-17 15:42:18

Take your ring off, permanently.

MadMags Sun 12-Feb-17 15:44:45

Fucking hell.

It never, ever fails to amaze me how much women on here put up with.


LesisMiserable Sun 12-Feb-17 15:49:11

If you know you're shutting down and have been for two years why don't you just end it? Instead of both of you hurting each other like this and dragging each other into an abyss - get out, nothing and nobody is holding you there.

Pogolphin Sun 12-Feb-17 15:51:52

Is he projecting his own infidelity on to you to make himself feel better?

ImperialBlether Sun 12-Feb-17 15:55:17

I'm always really shocked at what women put up with. He came home looking for a fight. If your engagement ring was on the right finger then it would've been someone else. If you'd deleted someone from Facebook it would've been that. He treats you in an appalling way. You need to decide what you're going to do about it. And of COURSE he wasn't going to leave - I bet that wasn't the first time he's packed his bag, was it?

Thephoneywar Sun 12-Feb-17 15:55:20

He clearly doesn't trust you and suspects you are cheating in him. If you noticed he had his ring on the wrong finger and had new Facebook friends he wasn't telling you about you might be suspicious.

marilyn246 Mon 13-Feb-17 06:05:02

He has left. We had another row as I wouldn't sleep with him. He clipped me around the ear and told me he was going to find someone to sleep with and I would have to put up with it, oh and I could get my mum to look after the children as he wasn't my babysitter (they are his children) This morning he has gone. He said he would see me in a couple of weeks?

abbsisspartacus Mon 13-Feb-17 06:09:59

He hit You? Call the police

Practical level whose name is the house in? Can you change the locks

JontyDoggle37 Mon 13-Feb-17 06:17:28

Please call the police first and then make sure he doesn't come back. Do you own the property or rent? If you rent you could ask the landlord to change the locks.
Please keep your children and yourself safe - men like this will only escalate their behaviour from here.

JanuaryMoods Mon 13-Feb-17 06:32:45

Another voice saying call the police.

marilyn246 Mon 13-Feb-17 06:39:47

Unfortunately the house is in both names so I know I can't change the locks. Is a clip around the head enough to report? He does this quite a lot, If he can't get a rise out of me.

Wallywobbles Mon 13-Feb-17 06:39:59

He is awful. At the minimum he's emotionally abusing you. I bet if you told us all the little incidents it'd be a hell of a list. Really start preparing your future.

Paperwork is no 1. Copies of salary, pensions, mortgage etc passports

Work out what you want, what you be prepared to settle for and what need to survive.

See a solicitor or 4. Ask for recommendations.

PLEASE don't wait another day. Go into overdrive because at some point you'll probably have an emotional crash.

Good luck and welcome to a happy future.

SorrelSoup Mon 13-Feb-17 06:47:08

Do you mean he smacks you in the head? Yes that's enough to report.

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