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Partner due to move in but didn't what would you think?

(110 Posts)
seriouslywhatthebeeb Sun 12-Feb-17 13:10:50

So I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and for 6 months we have been planning on living together. He was due to move in today (he would have been traveling since yesterday to get here! But instead he went out drinking with his friends for two days and didn't tell me anything until today hmm

We usually speak throughout the day but yesterday I was busy so didn't try to call him until around 4pm and then realised his phone was on voicemail. I then tried a few more times and thought maybe he was coming a day early to surprise me (he has done this before) but as it got later and later I knew that wasn't the case.

Anyway he called me after 11am today and said he knows he's out of order etc and he will still be coming but will be a day late.

I have told him I'm not sure I still want him to come, even if he was drinking and couldn't make it he should have called! I told him he is disrespectful and I'm not sure how I feel now!

What would you think in my position?

He is saying he really doesn't want me to throw everything away that we have built up in the last year and he know he has fucked up but he is so sorry etc!

What would you do in my position?

LIZS Sun 12-Feb-17 13:13:42

Tell him not to bother. A year isn't long and this could well be a taste of what is to come.

AnyFucker Sun 12-Feb-17 13:13:46

You have been warned

Proceed at your peril

knackeredinyorkshire Sun 12-Feb-17 13:15:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knackeredinyorkshire Sun 12-Feb-17 13:15:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quodlibet Sun 12-Feb-17 13:16:51

^^ agree with all the above. This has 'useless cocklodger' written all over it.

TurnipCake Sun 12-Feb-17 13:17:16

It's the canary in the coal mine sign, OP.

What's your gut telling you?

DeterminedToChange Sun 12-Feb-17 13:19:42

He couldn't have given a clearer message what an absolute tosser and waste of time he'd be, could he?

Send him a thank you card and then block him.

justnippingin Sun 12-Feb-17 13:22:42

Ditch the moving in for a good while yet....warning signs in my opinion!

OurBlanche Sun 12-Feb-17 13:23:02

He doesn't want YOU to throw the relationship away?

Oh, that is such a clear message for you. He expects to treat you with complete indifference, contempt and then blame you for being unreasonable in not accepting his behaviour.

Tell him to piss off! And throw a Close Shave party! Celebrate your escape!

Gallavich Sun 12-Feb-17 13:24:41

I would think this was a clear warning sign not to move in

SparklingRaspberry Sun 12-Feb-17 13:30:01

I'm not sure

I mean it's pretty shitty what he's done, and I agree that you need to make your feelings absolutely clear and let him know you won't put up with this sort of thing again.

But from what you wrote, it sounds like this is the first time it's happened.

I wouldn't throw it away over this, however I would make it known if he did it again then he would be leaving.

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 12-Feb-17 13:49:56

I'd put the move on hold and give the relationship itself say a month or two, and then see how I feel about him after that time. I'd be seriously considering bombing him entirely TBH.

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 12-Feb-17 13:50:20

*binning! Not bombing! grin though maybe that too ...

Maudlinmaud Sun 12-Feb-17 13:53:08

No way! He hasn't even his feet under the table yet. Op caution is advised.

Hellmouth Sun 12-Feb-17 14:14:57

You've only known each other a year, and in a long distance relationship at that, I think it's a bit soon for you to move in together. And this sounds like a red flag to me too.

DJKKSlider Sun 12-Feb-17 14:25:42

Desire to live with the woman he is in a relationship with.
Vs.
Desire to go get pissed with his buddies.

You lost OP.

Dunno the loser.

DJKKSlider Sun 12-Feb-17 14:26:06

Dunno = dump

tribpot Sun 12-Feb-17 14:30:21

Where is he moving out from, that he can apparently do so at his own convenience? Doesn't he have final meter readings to sort out, if not booking a van for his stuff? What about his job, if he currently lives a two day drive away has he not given notice on that?

Turnip is right, this absolutely is the canary in the coal mine. I couldn't cope with that level of disorganisation, never mind disrespect.

I'd let him know you may reconsider in a month or two but for now the option of living together is off the table.

KinkyAfro Sun 12-Feb-17 14:31:10

Dump

Earlybird Sun 12-Feb-17 14:33:23

I wouldn't dump him, but I wouldn't let him move in either - not after what has happened. Just curious - he is remorseful? Minimising what happened? How has he dealt with the incident? That will be very telling for how responsible he is, and how he will deal with conflict in the future.

I think you delay the moving in for now. Either
- continue as a long distance relationship for a while longer to see if this was truly a huge one-off mistake, or a warning sign.
- ask him to move to your city, but make him find somewhere else to live (i.e., not with you) while you get to know each other better on a day-to-day basis

He needs to know up front that you will not tolerate being treated in this way, and needs to convince you he is a worthy partner for a long term relationship.

HecateAntaia Sun 12-Feb-17 14:35:58

You'd have to be crackers or desperate to proceed right now.

I'd put a hold on it for now.

SandyY2K Sun 12-Feb-17 14:40:06

I'd say he's made it quite clear who /what his priorities are in this relationship.

Hold off moving in, until he can prove he's worth it.

Huskylover1 Sun 12-Feb-17 15:02:57

Depends on the circumstances. If his friends threw him a surprise "good bye" party, then fine. Although, surely he would call you!

loveyoutothemoon Sun 12-Feb-17 15:08:42

It's the no contact/communication that would piss me off. Yes I would wait I while before letting him move in.

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