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Am I losingthe plot or is he filling my head full of sh*t

(80 Posts)
Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:55:53

Long thread, please bare with to grasp the issue...

Dp of a year, live together, my place, he moved in with me (covering in case I get asked)

A while back (couple of months or so) he called somebody (randoms stranger out in public) a hefferlump (unsure how to spell sorry) and I said please don't call anybody personal names like that, it sounds awful and I really don't like it, sounded nasty as far as I was concerned. I got a sorry I won't do that again etc he said he was unsure of the meaning so I filled him in on that (basically told him my understanding was a baby elephant so I assumed he was calling this person fat)

Fast forward to tonight, a lady drove a little erratic around my car (I was driving he was passenger) I said silly women, he said hefferlump! I said I told you about using that word? It sounds disgusting coming from your mouth, why you calling people fat? He said Ooooh is that what it means? (Assuming he had absolutely no understanding of the word) I said yeah you knew that! (I raised an eyebrow) he said I thought it meant baby elephant (<now that is the part I'm confused about) I said yeeeaaaaahhhhh exactly... and he went silent... and I said aaaaahhhh stop acting you know exactly what it means!!!

Now this is the bit I am trying to work out...

I went silent after I said my last word to him... he said what's up? And I said you know what's up... you just tried to lie to me! He said no I didn't I was being sarcastic!

From where I ws sat it didn't sound Sarcastic AT ALL, from where I was sat he tried to sound dumb, slipped up, actually said the word baby elephant in his head because when I asked him that image popped up because he knew it was a baby elephant, said the words " I thought it meant baby elephant" then realising how stupid he sounded, tried to cover it calling it sarcasm!

So... when someone is sarcastic I believe they put a certain 'tone on' I've heard his sarcasm in the past and when I say he wasn't, I truly believe he wasn't, but he adamant he was.

Apparently it doesn't matter how it 'sounds' or ''looks' it's the words that are said that count 🤔

So this argument quickly escalated because I believe he tried to lie. I became angry during this argument, which we both did. He pissed off into the bedroom ignoring me which for some reason wound me up more, I said through the door, "stop ignoring me your winding me up more" which to be honest I never usually get angry or wound up (seriously), he didn't answer. I walked in and he was smirking, laughing at me. I fucking FUMED! now is it just me or is smirking and laughing CRUEL when someone is angry?

Help me see sense please guys! PLEASE!

Huskylover1 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:58:25

You sound like hard work, sorry.

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:59:04

Jesus do I? 😮

Huskylover1 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:02:13

Er yeh, a bit (sorry). Who cares? I would just have laughed. How is the rest of the relationship?

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:03:37

No that's absolutely fine! I am happy to take criticism if it helps me improve/see

At the moment it's good, it's just me! I am currently severely depressed and started new meds (no excuse I'm just a bit sensitive and bitchy)

SoleBizzz Sat 11-Feb-17 22:05:46

Calling other people names about their appearence is vile.

Lavinia28 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:07:47

I don't think a heffalumo is really an elephant. To my mind it is something that just exists in poohs and piglets dreams. I would not be offended at all by being called a heffalump.

Starting new meds can be tough. A friend of mine is on medication for depression and told me so. Be gentle with yourself.

Lavinia28 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:08:33

Sorry, typo. Heffalump.

wowbutter Sat 11-Feb-17 22:08:37

Do you not have, like, better things to do or think about?

That word means nothing, if you dislike your partner calling people names, tell him that, but don't start ww three about it.

Chill out.

Joysmum Sat 11-Feb-17 22:09:56

Yep hefferlump is calling someone fat.

From what you've said, he doesn't use the word like that though because he used it about a driver in relation to their behaviour, not their appear wan etc.

Therefore I think you're reacting about something he's not actually doing.

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:10:36

Sole 100% agree, to me someone that calls other people names like that are low themselves, makes me so angry. I would never dream of calling anyone a personal name like that 😷 I don't have that kind of nature.

So am I just being a butch then? I will lavinia ty 💐

Itscurtainsforyou Sat 11-Feb-17 22:12:03

I don't like name calling op, so I would be annoyed, especially if you'd asked him not to before and he was sat there smirking at you.

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:12:06

Joysmum the lady cut the corner and I saw her and so did he. She was a big lady so I do think he called her fat unfortunately

snowdropsnow Sat 11-Feb-17 22:12:34

You called the driver "silly woman". Isn't that calling names too?

DJKKSlider Sat 11-Feb-17 22:13:04

Are you his mummy telling him off for using naughty language? Do you often ground him? Send him too bed without any supper?

Hefferlump.... Its hardly the same as,
"Fat cunt lard arse"

Besides how did he know the driver was fat?

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:13:47

Curtains he always opens his mouth before thinking that man, when someone (especially my dp) calls another person a personal name it really makes me think twice about them 😑 I have what you call a kind hearted nature and that type of behavior makes me rile!

DJKKSlider Sat 11-Feb-17 22:14:02

Also, baby elephant is a Calf I believe?

EdenX Sat 11-Feb-17 22:14:57

What a fuss about nothing. He said heffalump not fat cunt.

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:16:38

Snowdrop I suppose so but I don't feel that would offend someone as implying someone is fat.

Slider, how did he know? Because the lady turned the corner besides us and cut the corner and she past right beside the car, she was a lady of a bigger build, you could just tell

HappyJanuary Sat 11-Feb-17 22:17:07

I think there's plenty worse things to call someone.

Yes I associate it with an overweight person, but he's not saying it to her face.

Seems very controlling to initiate a furious row because your dp used a word you have forbidden them to use, he is an adult not a toddler to be ticked off.

If you're saying you think he's a nasty person, is rude to/about people, or that your viewpoints are fundamentally different then that's different, and you can end the relationship.

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:17:27

So if you say to someone... size of a house you! Does that make it ok just because they aren't calling them directly fat?

Lavinia28 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:18:40

Yes, it is called an elephant calf, DJKKSlider. A heffalump is a fictional creature from A.A. Milne's "Winnie The Pooh" and i am not sure if there is any consensus what it looks like.
I think that this is a really odd insult, but I am not a native speaker of English.

HappyJanuary Sat 11-Feb-17 22:19:41

Saying it to someone's face is completely different. Calling someone after a character from a children's book because they've annoyed you with their dangerous driving seems pretty harmless to me.

DJKKSlider Sat 11-Feb-17 22:20:10

Snowdrop I suppose so but I don't feel that would offend someone as implying someone is fat.

So as long as you judge what they may or may not find offending its fine to call them what youmlike?

Maybe that woman was a barrister, a judge, a Dr, a serious academic in the field of ancient Japanese religion and being called 'Silly' would be far more offensive than being likened to an elephant in a child's cartoon...

Hashtag26 Sat 11-Feb-17 22:21:10

I don't like the word used around me because I was bullied in school (long childhood history) all my child/teenage life I was overweight and severely bullied, fat this that etc so calling somebody fat (personal attack) around me I don't like. He doesn't know her! She may have medical issues that cause the lady to be overweight, she may be overweight through no fault of her own.

I asked by partner at first nicely to please not call personal names when I am with him, it makes me cringe and I don't like it.

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