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Husband doesn't contribute

(4 Posts)
Sodonewiththisnow Sat 11-Feb-17 21:17:57

Just wrote a massive post and the page refreshed and I lost it. Can't face rewriting it so to be brief. Married with 3 kids. DH works full time but at the minute that's about 30h per week as his company has had its budget slashed. He pays toward our very small mortgage but that's it. I feel like I do every thing else. Today he didn't get out of bed until 11am and when I asked him to watch the kids so I could tidy up he headed off to the shop! In his defence we needed lunch but it could have waited. I'm so sick of paying for everything. I'm on ML at the minute so only get SMP and a tiny amount of TC so all my money goes on bills, the kids and food. I've asked for money towards the family pot but he just says he knows he's crap with money so I need to take his bank card from him and use it and he'll take a set amount each week in cash. I refuse to do this as he's a grown man and if I have to slave over a spreadsheet to work out if I can afford to put petrol in the car next week then so can he! I'm not his mother! Anyway this offer seems to have been withdrawn as he hasn't offered this month and when I mention money he just gets cross. Presumably he's probably overdrawn already! I do check his accounts every now and again and he's not spending money on anything luxurious, just drinks and food all day at work.
Sorry I'm rambling now but I just don't know what to do anymore. Surely most men would want to contribute to the family? Our relationship is rubbish as we never do anything together but we are happy enough when we are together. Just money (and his lack of personal hygiene) really eating away at me now sad
Has anyone else had similar and can advise? I won't be LTB, but if things don't change I'll be a walking misery (permanently)!

Starlight2345 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:27:22

One thing I learnt is that you can do one thing or another complain or do something about it.

My Ex did nothing in the house ( not the reason he is ex) ..I ended up writing list of jobs for him to do. It annoyed me however it annoyed me far less than doing everything myself.

Can you sit down and agree a figure he will transfer into the account for bills for the week/month ? He could then set up a standing order.

The relationship sounds grim in itself and not sure why he will change as you are going to accept whatever.

Sodonewiththisnow Sat 11-Feb-17 21:38:23

Thanks for the reply. Have to admit the relationship isn't great, there's a lot that irritates me but I really do love him too much to leave him. I'm sure he could write a thread of what I do to annoy him.
We had a long chat recently and he wouldn't do anything other than ask me to give him cash each week. I'll try the standing order option, but the problem is he then just goes more overdrawn and has to pay to be in his overdraft. I think a lot of it is my fault as you're right, I just accept whatever. Probably very low self esteem on my part, and not wanting to affect the kids lives negatively. Just wish he'd maybe take the kids for breakfast or out without me once in a blue moon. I don't think he ever has. Gosh seeing it written down really blows as if my daughter wrote it I'd tell her not to be so bloody stupid!

scoobydoo1971 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:39:56

Time for a family conference as you cannot keep going financially like this. If his hours at work are cut back then it signals the prospect that he may lose his job and you need a Plan B in terms of keeping the family going.

He has to give you X amount per month towards the household expenses and you need to take it from his bank directly if he is inconsistent about this. You may not be his mother but you may have to ask like one to get what you want. You say he buys food and drink in work which is disposable income that could be used for the family. Buying from catering outlets is far more expensive than taking a packed lunch. Again you may have to make this for him, but if it means you have more spending money per month then it is a small effort.

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