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Would you want to "run a mile" if your girlfriend/boyfriend declined a proposal?

(37 Posts)
user1486845940 Sat 11-Feb-17 20:47:57

Just that... sad

Chasingsquirrels Sat 11-Feb-17 20:52:40

My first though "yes".
And then I realised that I told DH no a number of times - we'd both been married before and I didn't see the point. So he stopped asking. And I started thinking maybe I did want to. So I asked him.

Chasingsquirrels Sat 11-Feb-17 20:53:24

Didn't finish post .....
.... so I'm glad he didn't run a mile smile

DontstepontheMomeRaths Sat 11-Feb-17 20:58:43

I'd feel awful.

Did they say no 😟

luckylucky24 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:01:19

possibly. I would struggle to continue after such rejection.

Love51 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:03:17

Don't people sound each other out first, before going ring shopping and popping the question? I wouldn't run a mile, but I would wonder if we were on the same page.

user1486845940 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:03:16

Yes, I got a "look, I love you a lot. I want to be with you, but I don't ever want to be married". I don't know what to think.

SugarMiceInTheRain Sat 11-Feb-17 21:04:49

sad TBH I think I would. I can't help but think it would be such a rejection and I would realise we were on different pages wrt what we wanted from the relationship.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland Sat 11-Feb-17 21:06:12

There is no need to do anything really quickly.

I guess I'd question how important marriage is as a definate part of my life plan.

LaPharisienne Sat 11-Feb-17 21:06:35

I think you then need to decide whether you can get over your wish to be married? Whether you love/trust hem enough to give it up, I suppose.

Love51 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:07:10

Ask why they don't want marriage. What do you both expect from marriage? It isn't a compromise situation, so you need to know what you are considering walking away from. Give yourself time to get over the shock though!

PaperdollCartoon Sat 11-Feb-17 21:07:58

I think it depends why. I've asked DP to marry me loads of times and he's said no because he's not ready yet (mostly money stuff) not because he doesn't want to marry me ever

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 11-Feb-17 21:08:29

Did you ask why they don't ever want to be married? Because that would be what it hinged on for me...

AuditAngel Sat 11-Feb-17 21:08:41

I never said no, but said it was too soon to say yes, on 4 occasions before I said yes.

RandomMess Sat 11-Feb-17 21:09:07

I think not marrying depends on a lot of things...

If someone was absolutely be 100% to share finances /assets, share household duties and parenting 100% and not assume DC would take the fathers name then I would consider staying forever and not marrying.

Personally my DP wanting to make that public commitment to me was very important tbh.

If I were young and childish I would be very concerned that they were so against being married...

So I'm very grey on that issue!

user1486845940 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:11:16

Random that's the problem, she doesn't like the idea of sharing her money, etc.

I'm not marrying her for that at all. She does earn a lot more than me though, so I see why she wouldn't want that, I suppose.

WannaBe Sat 11-Feb-17 21:11:24

I would. Because it would show that we had a fundamental difference in what we wanted. But tbh I would imagine that we would have had a discussion at least prior to the question.

I wouldn't expect to find out they were against marriage at the time I proposed.... So if I proposed I would already be fairly sure that we wanted the same things.

F1GI Sat 11-Feb-17 21:14:19

Do either of you want kids?

WannaBe Sat 11-Feb-17 21:16:47

"that's the problem, she doesn't like the idea of sharing her money, etc." this would ring major alarm bells for me. Because sharing your money, while a major part of marriage, is only a small part really. If you e.g. Live together, have children together, share a mortgage etc you already have the majority of commitment which most marriages possess. So if she didn't want to marry purely because of money I would wonder what that was about, and how long-term she thought the relationship was going to be.

RandomMess Sat 11-Feb-17 21:21:25

Urgh I would feel like my partner didn't think I was trust worthy and that I didn't love them for themselves...

Would having DC together be on the cards at all?

PidgeyfinderGeneral Sat 11-Feb-17 21:24:16

I was in the opposite boat. I didn't want to get married again (having been in an abusive first marriage), but DP did. I didn't know this at the time but he'd bought a ring and planned to propose to me. But as he was aware of my feelings on the matter, he tried to sound me out first and I must have been in a particularly vehement frame of mind because he didn't propose, sold the ring and we nearly split up.

However, I mellowed a bit over the years and he decided to try again. That time I accepted and I was ready to be married again.

I had had various issues with being married, ranging from my loss of identity as a person, to a fear of being dependent on someone else.

StarUtopia Sat 11-Feb-17 21:25:35

Umm. Be a deal breaker for me. IN fact it was, with my ex. We were engaged but every time I tried to plan the wedding, he was just not interested etc. I came to the conclusion that marriage was never going to happen/not his thing etc, but because it was important to me, our relationship had to end.

I called it off. Very upsetting for both of us at the time but we are still great friends 7 yrs later.

I was stunned (understatement of the year) when he married his new gf this year. Stunned because I believed he didn't 'do' marriage. No. He just didn't want to marry me!!!

Trust me. If she thinks you're the right one, she would marry you in a flash. I know not everyone will agree, but if you're married (or even committed really) then your money should be your money. Really don't understand those who say it's mine etc. That alone would be a huge red flag for me.

Huskylover1 Sat 11-Feb-17 21:28:49

Marriage is VERY important to me. I am ashamed to say, that I expected my DH to propose the day my divorce came through. God knows why! I was very down and quiet that night and I think he guessed, and he leant in to me at about 11pm and said "I think we should get married"....and we did....he is a keeper!

WannaBe Sat 11-Feb-17 21:29:12

I would never have children unless we were married, so if marriage wasn't on the cards that would mean children with him would be a no as well, and as such I would have to move on to be with someone who wanted to MarRy me if I wanted to have children.

OP she doesn't want to marry you. You deserve better.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 11-Feb-17 21:38:00

Ok that is not a good reason - I'm sorry! For me, that would imply my partner didn't trust me and thought I was a gold digger.

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