Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm cheating on my husband.

(66 Posts)
AwfulWife17 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:08:42

My DH and I had separated, we are back together because he didn't want to loose our DD's and I, I don't love him at all, but I don't want to stop his day to day life with them. When we first met, I dated him to make my ex jealous, I got pregnant, we stayed together, I got pregnant again - we got married, I got pregnant again. I don't think I have ever loved him. I married him for a secure and stable life for myself and our children.

We are sexually incompatible. I need to be dominated, like BDSM. He doesn't even know this. As far as he is concerned, we have a crap sex life, but he doesn't know it's because I hate sleeping with him.

I have been sleeping with someone who gives me everything I need, but would be useless as a partner. Not least because he lives a very long way away. He flies to see me whenever my husband is away.

I know what I'm doing is hideous, I know I'm an awful person. I just can't stop myself from doing it though. I need to end things with one of them. I would leave my husband if I could have the other man instead, but I can't. I don't want to stop seeing my Dom, but I think I need to, being with him is the first time I've been happy in a decade though.

I wish I had never met my husband.

DaphneDeLaFontaine Sat 11-Feb-17 13:11:30

Leave him. He deserves so much more.

Juveniledelinquent Sat 11-Feb-17 13:12:39

Is this a genuine thread?

Gaaaah Sat 11-Feb-17 13:13:49

Why don't you leave your husband? He'd be better off without you if you really hate him that much. And you'd be better off too. At least you wouldn't have to feel bitter and resentful towards him all the time.

Your children will know too. You probably think they haven't got a clue but they will know.

MyheartbelongstoG Sat 11-Feb-17 13:16:42

Cheating is disgusting and so selfish.

If you think your sex life us bad, then its bad for your husband too.

Why do you get to shag someone else and he still gets shit sex.

Just leave him. He actually sounds like a decent man.

PurpleDaisies Sat 11-Feb-17 13:17:00

Just stop or leave.

That's it.

VikingVolva Sat 11-Feb-17 13:18:22

"We are sexually incompatible. I need to be dominated, like BDSM. He doesn't even know this."

You really need to stop expecting him to be a mind-reader.

"I know what I'm doing is hideous"

Then stop it.

" I know I'm an awful person."

Not necessarily, but you will soon be if you go in for this kind of histrionics instead of actually making proper decisions and then acting on them. Self-flagellation is a very selfish indulgence, and the sooner you can cut it out the better.

AwfulWife17 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:20:40

It is genuine.

I tried leaving. He wants to live with his daughters. He knows that's the only reason we are still together. They really don't know at all. I'm very good at lying, it's the only thing I do well.

I would leave again. But I feel guilty for ending his home life with them and there is no way on earth I'd leave without them.

TrojanWhore Sat 11-Feb-17 13:23:24

Probably time to start to learn to do other things well then.

Never too late. Start with pottery, perhaps?

Bloopbleep Sat 11-Feb-17 13:23:57

hmm biscuit

MyheartbelongstoG Sat 11-Feb-17 13:26:43

Pottery lol

MyheartbelongstoG Sat 11-Feb-17 13:29:23

It's you that wants to leave. Why should he lose out on his children because of your actions.

Leave him. You're denying him a happy life also.

Of course your Dom visits you when your husband is away. He gets a shag!

justbeinreal Sat 11-Feb-17 13:31:39

You're the one cheating and making every single decision for terrible selfish reasons.
Leave him, the kids and the house. Let them have the day to life and security they deserve.
That way you can be free to persue your 'relationship' with the compatible f buddy and he gets to be a parent. Something he must be fairly committed to to be putting up with this miserable marriage for his kids.

strugglingstepdad Sat 11-Feb-17 13:34:27

What if you talked to DH and made him aware of your bedroom preferences? Do you think it could make a difference if he knew and tried to accommodate your sexual needs?

BusterGonad Sat 11-Feb-17 13:36:11

Leave him and let the children stay with him then. He's not the one cheating so why should he suffer? You're the one prepared to lose everything over sex with another man.

AwfulWife17 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:40:10

Maybe. He wouldn't be able to do what I need though. Halfway could work.

I wouldn't leave my children. I do all day to day care. He works away a lot, so doesn't know them very well, can't even understand what the youngest says. If I go, they go with me.

eviloops Sat 11-Feb-17 13:40:54

Thank god it's not me you're being so disgustingly unreasonable towards. I'd hate to be with someone so dishonest, self-centred and spiteful. Your poor, poor child - what an awful role model this behaviour portrays.

Badcat666 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:43:45

Agree with just It's YOU you are cheating (and expecting DH to be the mid reader) and 'want everything your way so therefore YOU leave the house and go and live somewhere else. You have never loved him, you have just used him. He and his kids deserve better.

So you don't want to "leave without them?" You should have thought about that before you USED your husband to get what you want and embark upon fucking another man to get your thrills.

Your husband shouldn't have to leave the family home because you are a being a selfish bitch who is only thinking about your next cum quest.

So rather than be a liar and a cheater, put on you rubber studded big girl pants and act like a bloody adult and sod off out the "family home" and leave your kids with their dad and stop thinking of just yourself for once in your spoilt life.

I wish you had never met your husband either. He could be with someone who actually loved him instead of you.

TheNaze73 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:43:59

Is it half term where you are?

2/10 Poor effort biscuit

jules179 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:44:11

What is the point in living your life like this? If you split up properly you could both meet people that you can actually be in a loving relationship with.
The current situation could implode at any point, which isn't very good for your children.

Badcat666 Sat 11-Feb-17 13:46:04

If your husband finds out what you have been doing, good luck with them staying with you all the time.

So does your "dom" go to your house for a fuck? Are the kids at home or do you do that when they are at school or do you palm them off to other people to look after when you have your "sessions"?

Fackorf Sat 11-Feb-17 13:48:43

You should leave him.

Poor bloke.

Gingerbreadlass Sat 11-Feb-17 13:48:47

Why don't you make a decision in the interests of your family and be the one to leave the house? Least upset for your kids and DH who hasn't done anything wrong here.

You are poisoning their lives with your unhappiness. Walk away and pursue your sexual desires and let everyone else get on with their lives in the comfort of their home and routine.

Not hating btw, just looking at the most logical solution.

SpringerS Sat 11-Feb-17 13:52:05

Why don't you talk to your husband and see if he is interested in you having an open - parenting marriage? It mightn't be seen as the ideal but it allows you live honestly for you both to have your sexual needs met while being friends who co-parent full time. It does work for some families and if done with friendship, honesty, and obviously discretion, it doesn't need to have a negative effect on your children.

expatinscotland Sat 11-Feb-17 13:52:27


Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: