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Confined in friend, they have now made a nasty comment

(64 Posts)
pinkwattle17 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:27:38

So I've had a male gay friend for the last 14 years...met at work, kept in contact after I left...see each other every month or so, talk on phone often.

As relevant background, in all that time, he's had 2 relationships, both lasting less than 6 months. I've been in a relationship (LDR for 8) for the last 9 years. We were talking about sex recently, he was saying he's not had any for 18 months. I admitted that I haven't for the last 5 months...I'm bipolar, been on new medication that lowered my sex drive. My fiance has been very supportive.

Last weekend my fiance was visiting, we had sex...I was happy that that side of life is getting back to normal. Fiance went home on Monday with the beginning of a cold...which I also had by Tuesday. So I haven't talked to my friend all week. Sent him a message today, asking how he was...he replied saying 'he was **ed' which I replied 'like I was this weekend, lol'

I then got this reply...

' I feel sorry for you. Must be crap when your fiance doesn't wanna touch you for such long periods of time and it becomes an occasion when he does'

I'm absolutely horrifed...what on earth should I say/do now?

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Fri 10-Feb-17 22:30:49

I think it's a pretty fair point to be honest.

DontstepontheMomeRaths Fri 10-Feb-17 22:30:58

I don't know what ed means but his comment was really mean and unnecessary.

I'd tell him so. How about the mn classic 'did you mean for that to sound so rude'

Wolfiefan Fri 10-Feb-17 22:31:43

He's telling you that was too much information.

DontstepontheMomeRaths Fri 10-Feb-17 22:31:46

I wouldn't confide in him anymore either.

EssieTregowan Fri 10-Feb-17 22:33:18

He hasn't had a shag in a year and a half and didn't want to hear all about your weekend of passion.

Give him a break. I imagine he thought you were being an insensitive twat and replied horribly to make a point.

Happybunny19 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:34:55

Nice comment Troll, ffs.

I think he's a bitch who doesn't want you to be happy and resents you having the relationship nobody wants with him. I would drop him. No-one needs a "friend" like him.

Trollspoopglitter Fri 10-Feb-17 22:35:04

Message deleted by MNHQ for containing a personal attack.

Trollspoopglitter Fri 10-Feb-17 22:36:32

As in send him that reply.

It's vile, what he wrote. He sounds bitter and he's lashing out at you.

Happybunny19 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:36:47


Leggit Fri 10-Feb-17 22:37:36

Perhaps he expected you to reply with a "why, what's up" caring friend type reaction rather than rubbing it rather rudely in his face that you got shagged.

You are not the one who should be feeling like a comment was nasty.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Fri 10-Feb-17 22:38:09

Happybunny, I just thought it was a pretty shitty, OTT, TMI, gloaty thing to say to a person so his response is pretty fair.

Happybunny19 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:39:44

I thought it sounded like normal banter between friends. The response was off.

Eminado Fri 10-Feb-17 22:39:58


OP I don't think this person is your friend 😱.

Even if it was TMI (would be for me), his comment was below the belt.

Happybunny19 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:40:23

*OTT (fucking autocorrect).

pinkwattle17 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:41:28

I didn't go into any detail about the sex ... And the very last conversation we had before last weekend was about an hour of him whinging about his lack of sex life (even though he will never go out) ..I was commiserating with him, and said I hadn't felt like it in ages due to my meds... Where he got the idea that my fiancé never touches me? No idea...

Hateloggingin Fri 10-Feb-17 22:42:25

His text was horrible, he is not your friend sad

pinkwattle17 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:43:21

Also wanted to add that he goes into very TMI about sex...always has. Me saying what I did is about as graphic as Ive ever got.

Happybunny19 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:43:25

Honestly stop doubting yourself, he's jealous.

westeringhome Fri 10-Feb-17 22:45:08

Your friend said he was fucked so presumably he was tired or ill? And maybe expected a bit of concern rather than a gloaty reply about why you got up to at the weekend. Not knowing how 'familiar' you are with one another its hard to say whether you were tmi or he was snippy.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 10-Feb-17 22:45:59

Hes jealous. You rubbed his nose in it. Poor taste op.

MouldyPeach Fri 10-Feb-17 22:47:00

If he's not usually like this and you've been friends for 14 years I'd reply something like: 'ouch, bit harsh. Is something wrong?'

pinkwattle17 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:48:00

And his 'fucked' reply was to do with a work problem that he created, got caught (fraud - he told them his mother had died to get 2 months off work. He got caught out when his sister answered his phone one day and told HR their mum was alive) and barely kept his job over. Even his union rep advised his HR that he was guilty.

Happybunny19 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:49:53

He's as over-fucking-sensitive as a number of posters here tonight apparently

pinkwattle17 Fri 10-Feb-17 22:50:52

I've been supporting him through this for the last 6 months - even when I was in hospital myself. I'm literally the only friend he's got - all the rest have got fed up with him and dropped him.

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