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Should I get involved in issue between DSis and our parents?

(8 Posts)
Larainette Fri 10-Feb-17 14:15:14

Before Christmas DF renovated DSis's bathroom. He did most of it, with professionals in to do the bits he isn't qualified for.

All fine, but this week there was a problem with a leak/something not working in the bathroom and DSis goes mental on the phone at my dad, her and her DH saying they've wasted their money and if DF didn't know what he was doing he should have hired someone etc etc. It's still not clear where the problem's coming from, so it's not clear that it is DF's fault as it hasn't been there since the beginning.

Today DSis asks if I want to meet up at the weekend for a meal. I don't want to go because I will probably end up telling her how much she has upset our parents and then she might flip and get even more angry at them. But at the same time if I don't go, I'm creating an issue for my parents. They don't want one, although they've made it clear (to me) that they can't do this any more. (DSis has a habit of using their help and then going ballistic if there's any issues).

Other DSis says I shouldn't get involved. She isn't going to, but she is abroad so it's easier for her not to.


Ingles2 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:21:05

Well if you don't go, you ARE getting involved! I would go for the meal and if ds mentions it, refuse to discuss it, and tell your dp's you are carrying on as normal and ignoring the situation so as not to create further issues.

ILoveCheeseMoreThanYou Fri 10-Feb-17 14:21:26

You shouldn't tip toe around your sil just because she behaves like a dick.

holeinmyheart Fri 10-Feb-17 16:26:03

It would be better if you didn't take sides as you may be compounding the problem. Your Parents need to sort it out and they probably will. The answer of course is for them to stop helping out.

I helped my Son by suggesting a workman to him and then the workman was unable to turn up.( good reason why not) Even though I was trying to be helpful I had to listen to a tirade against the workman, which made me feel guilty. I am friends with the workman and his family. My son now doesn't want me to be friends with him and it has caused an atmosphere.
NEVER AGAIN is now my motto and that goes for lending money to family members as well. If another of my children had got involved I would not have appreciated it.
It is also dangerous suggesting workmen to your friends as if things go pear shaped, you may end up in the middle.
Leave well alone is my opinion. Go to lunch but don't discuss the situation.

Larainette Sat 11-Feb-17 15:41:30

Thanks for your advice. I was tempted to say DC were ill and I couldn't go but I decided to go and just not talk about the issue. But then she decided she didn't have time as meeting up with DP's family later (they always come before our family, though that's a whole other thread!). Or she is a bit shamefaced about her behaviour and didn't want to face me (unlikely).

AyeAmarok Sat 11-Feb-17 15:52:05

I'd go.

And if she mentions it, I'd helpfully suggest that she stops using parents for jobs and starts paying a professional for the whole thing.

AyeAmarok Sat 11-Feb-17 15:53:06

Whoops. Didn't RTFT properly.

INeedNewShoes Sat 11-Feb-17 15:55:28

I completely agree with Aye - a perfectly sensible solution to the problem without you having to talk about her treatment of your parents.

I have similar issues with my siblings. Respect and appreciation for my parents is lacking but I have to choose to not try to talk about this with them as it would just lead to arguments and isn't worth the hassle for anyone.

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