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Should I wait?

(8 Posts)
Playdohwoo Fri 10-Feb-17 02:05:48

This is my first post. I am just looking some advice on a complicated issue. I began a relationship with a guy last year. He says he is separated but he still lives in the same house as his wife. They have separate bedrooms and I've seen him take selfies at all times of the night and morning when I text and he does seem to be in his own bed.

The reason he has not left the family home is cause his wife was pregnant and she gave birth 5 months ago and he has been fighting over custody rights since then. He has shown me text messages between himself and his wife and they are clearly at loggerheads. There are also lawyers involved on both sides. It is still annoying me that he hasn't moved out, does this seem legit? He says that he can't move out until he gets proper custody rights of his child and that will take a while longer and potentially have to go to court.

I am getting a bit tired of waiting tho. He has told me that he expects it to get sorted in the next month but I am concerned that I am wasting my time with him, as there is no actual finish line in sight. There is no doubt that he and the wife are not still together, as I've seen the some of the lawyers letters.

I do love him and I think he loves me too, and don't want to give up the relationship but am interested to see what other people think I should do.

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 10-Feb-17 02:08:31

Walk away.

You won't cope with all the shit that is to come if you are already 'fed up of waiting'.

Italiangreyhound Fri 10-Feb-17 02:33:27

I am afraid I agree with AnnieAnoniMouse. He is still living with her, they have a child together, it is very big stuff and you are obviously thinking of how it all impacts you. Much as he may like or love you, his attention is currently elsewhere.

I'd be tempted to find someone free to committ to you if that is what you agree.

This could go on for a long time.

If you really like him as a person you could stay friends but that is a tough road too.

Good luck.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Fri 10-Feb-17 02:39:38

You should walk, sorry!

I was in a similar situation, except my oh's kids were all grown up, and he did end up moving out after we had been together a couple of months.

That was difficult enough- I imagine if he has a new baby things will be even trickier and his time will be even more limited.

Is your relationship a secret?

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 10-Feb-17 03:24:06

If he is lying, then you need to walk away.

If he is telling the truth; that he impregnated his wife then ended their relationship, refused to give her space to get over the end of the relationship, ensures that her home life with her newborn is hell on earth by being at loggerheads with her and ensuring she has no escape from him and his demands - then you need your head examined. Seriously, the guy's an arse. How he is treating her now is how he will treat you in future. Walk away.

ZeroDarkHurty Fri 10-Feb-17 03:32:16

If the baby is only 5 months old what custody rights is he hoping for at this stage? If he's expecting overnights or anything close to 50/50 I imagine it'll be a fair wait as that is a very young baby to separate from the mother for more than a few hours.

ghostwatch Fri 10-Feb-17 03:39:27

Way to much baggage and he is lining you up so he won't be on his own. This will be a waste of your time with a large possibility of them getting back together once she finds out about you and then wants him back. It would be much nicer to find a man who is definitely available.

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