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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Sleeping with new partner... embarrassing problem!

33 replies

steth · 09/02/2017 09:43

So I've been seeing a wonderful man for a few months. I really want to sleep with him but I've Ben putting it off as I have an embarressing problem.

I have an enlarged labia while dangles down on one side. When I'm standing up it sticks out like a bloody tongue! I have to tuck it in.
I think he will be so turned off if he goes down on me that he will not want to sleep with me again.

I've looked into surgery but it's so bloody expensive, but I do know that I want to have it done for my own self esteem.

Can I ask, do most women have lovely bits and are happy to be naked with their partner or are most of us a bit dangly? I just wonder whether he would have had previous girlfriends with the same issue.

Help!

OP posts:

Report

steth · 09/02/2017 09:44

Please help

OP posts:

frazzled3ds · 09/02/2017 09:47

If he's a decent chap and understands the basics of biology (i.e. We are all different) it won't be an issue. There is no 'perfect size/shape/colour' thing to adhere to! If he makes a big deal of it then he's probably not worth the bother!

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 09:48

Tell him.

Nobody can tell you how he will react but if he cares for you then it should not bother him but its better if he knows how you feel about it before you DTD the first time.

Wonens bits come in all shapes and sizes and ime unless it has teeth men generally dont care

My friend says hers resembles a savoy cabbage. Shes never been short of relationships and no man has ever run screaming from the bedroom.

IateallthePies654 · 09/02/2017 09:48

I doubt many women have neat and tidy porn type foofs, I certainly don't.

Good riddance to any man who's put off by a normal body.

Bigmoc · 09/02/2017 09:48

Well as a guy, I can't imagine I would ever care about something like that at all. Everyone has body issues, most guys would be so happy to get that far that I doubt it would even occur to them

Bigmoc · 09/02/2017 09:50

I def wouldn't tell him as if you say something you will raise awareness of an issue that he's unlikely to ever think is an issue

needanivoftea · 09/02/2017 09:50

He won't care honestly and if he does then he's a tit anyway and you're better off without him.

My ex had an enlarged labia and it never bothered me in the slightest but she ended up getting the op because it was painful. It was done through the NHS. And tbf, mines not the neatest, is anyone's..?

Good luck and relax, it'll be fine!

Zippidydoodah · 09/02/2017 09:53

I agree with bigmoc! Don't tell him! Just turn the lights low and don't start with oral sex (would you anyway?) do other foreplay and stuff first, and he won't even notice, I expect.

Have you had bad experiences with previous lovers? Because there really is nothing to worry about

pudding21 · 09/02/2017 10:06

As a nurse I can tell you I have seen a lot of foofs! Not one is the same, and from what I hear men ain't that bothered. He obviously likes you :) So don't worry and be confident :) (and have fun ;)

steth · 09/02/2017 10:07

Thanks everyone, nice to hear that I'm alone...and good to hear a mans perspective too.

I know that he has had very beautiful girlfriends in the past, I just have this idea that they were probably beautiful in every area.

He did have a hand fumble a few weeks ago and afterwards (via text) I said that I have a body hang up and did he notice anything... he replied that he thought he felt something.... he didn't say much else. The fact that he said he felt something made me feel as though it wasn't usual for him.

On the other hand he told me that he needed to tell me somrung before we slept together.... that he caught herpes from his last partner, I was really understanding and supportive to him which he really appreciated.

So I guess that's my second question.... do I sleep with him as he has herpes?

Also, to answer your question, I'm recently divorced and ex never had an issue, no boyfriend previously had an issue but I think my Labia has stretched over the years with kids/ age.

OP posts:

steth · 09/02/2017 10:10

A few typos but I think you can work out what I'm saying

OP posts:

GallivantingWildebeest · 09/02/2017 10:22

Herpes - have a look at herpes.org.uk/frequently-asked-questions/#13

Condoms. And be careful.

RainbowsAndLemonDrops · 09/02/2017 10:28

steth If he's a good man worth investing in, he won't be bothered. It's no biggie.

I have herpes myself, contracted it from DP. I was absolutely mortified at first, I felt dirty when i'm actually over the top clean. It's something us herpes sufferers now have to deal with, he has told you upfront which is a good sign. Use condoms, but if he has any sores/blisters/scabs don't engage in any intercourse.

Enjoy yourself!

steth · 09/02/2017 10:43

Thanks guys.... would I be ok not to use condoms if he has no signs of outbreaks?

OP posts:

Ilovecaindingle · 09/02/2017 10:46

If he is a new partner wouldn't you be using condoms anyway?

manhowdy · 09/02/2017 10:47

steth my mate passed it to her boyfriend despite religiously using condoms every time they had sex and never having sex during an outbreak. He knew the risks but was still pretty devastated when he caught it. Once you've got it, you've got it forever and the first outbreak is generally bad.

You are already stressed about your appearance (unnecessarily so IMO). If you had to tell future partners about genital herpes on top of that.....?

Maybe hold off on sex with this guy for a little longer to make sure he really is worth the risk. If he's wonderful he won't mind.

manhowdy · 09/02/2017 10:48

Oh and when you do start having sex, condoms every single time.

user1477282676 · 09/02/2017 10:48

You need condoms unless you've both JUST had a full sexual health check and shared your results.

category12 · 09/02/2017 10:50

Don't start off with unprotected sex. Leave that a while. There is no rush. It's nice to move to that after a good while. Preferably after both have been tested. I personally wouldn't go bare with someone who had herpes anytime soon.

You might find the online 'labia library' site reassuring. NSFW.

Kiroro · 09/02/2017 10:59

do I sleep with him as he has herpes?

Yes but with a condom!

Kiroro · 09/02/2017 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Kiroro · 09/02/2017 11:01

Here... let me google that for you

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GallivantingWildebeest · 09/02/2017 11:10

Thanks guys.... would I be ok not to use condoms if he has no signs of outbreaks?

Um. I gave you a link above to the Herpes website. Why not search it for yourself?? For heaven's sake.

Tokennamechanginglesbian · 09/02/2017 11:21

Re: your original problem, I have seen a few women's bits (see username) and they're all very different. My ex had quite enlarged labia that hung down, and after I'd been with her for ages she mentioned that she had a massive body hang up about it. I was really shocked because I bloody loved the way it looked and found it a massive turn on.

Re: herpes - read the link that someone posted and educate yourself.

morningconstitutional2017 · 09/02/2017 11:21

I would urge caution in this instance. Your labia is probably nothing to worry about and if he's a decent man he won't mind.
The herpes is another matter - you must use condoms for a while and avoid making love during an outbreak.
Plus a good man won't mind waiting a bit longer to make sure that you're both comfortable and ready for the next stage of your relationship.
Sorry for sounding like an old granny.

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