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Sleeping with new partner... embarrassing problem!

(34 Posts)
steth Thu 09-Feb-17 09:43:19

So I've been seeing a wonderful man for a few months. I really want to sleep with him but I've Ben putting it off as I have an embarressing problem.

I have an enlarged labia while dangles down on one side. When I'm standing up it sticks out like a bloody tongue! I have to tuck it in.
I think he will be so turned off if he goes down on me that he will not want to sleep with me again.

I've looked into surgery but it's so bloody expensive, but I do know that I want to have it done for my own self esteem.

Can I ask, do most women have lovely bits and are happy to be naked with their partner or are most of us a bit dangly? I just wonder whether he would have had previous girlfriends with the same issue.


steth Thu 09-Feb-17 09:44:01

Please help

frazzled3ds Thu 09-Feb-17 09:47:16

If he's a decent chap and understands the basics of biology (i.e. We are all different) it won't be an issue. There is no 'perfect size/shape/colour' thing to adhere to! If he makes a big deal of it then he's probably not worth the bother!

RacoonBandit Thu 09-Feb-17 09:48:19

Tell him.

Nobody can tell you how he will react but if he cares for you then it should not bother him but its better if he knows how you feel about it before you DTD the first time.

Wonens bits come in all shapes and sizes and ime unless it has teeth men generally dont care grin

My friend says hers resembles a savoy cabbage. Shes never been short of relationships and no man has ever run screaming from the bedroom.

IateallthePies654 Thu 09-Feb-17 09:48:22

I doubt many women have neat and tidy porn type foofs, I certainly don't.

Good riddance to any man who's put off by a normal body.

Bigmoc Thu 09-Feb-17 09:48:59

Well as a guy, I can't imagine I would ever care about something like that at all. Everyone has body issues, most guys would be so happy to get that far that I doubt it would even occur to them

Bigmoc Thu 09-Feb-17 09:50:17

I def wouldn't tell him as if you say something you will raise awareness of an issue that he's unlikely to ever think is an issue

needanivoftea Thu 09-Feb-17 09:50:58

He won't care honestly and if he does then he's a tit anyway and you're better off without him.

My ex had an enlarged labia and it never bothered me in the slightest but she ended up getting the op because it was painful. It was done through the NHS. And tbf, mines not the neatest, is anyone's..? grin

Good luck and relax, it'll be fine! smile

Zippidydoodah Thu 09-Feb-17 09:53:49

I agree with bigmoc! Don't tell him! Just turn the lights low and don't start with oral sex (would you anyway?) do other foreplay and stuff first, and he won't even notice, I expect.

Have you had bad experiences with previous lovers? Because there really is nothing to worry about flowers

pudding21 Thu 09-Feb-17 10:06:43

As a nurse I can tell you I have seen a lot of foofs! Not one is the same, and from what I hear men ain't that bothered. He obviously likes you smile So don't worry and be confident smile (and have fun ;)

steth Thu 09-Feb-17 10:07:51

Thanks everyone, nice to hear that I'm alone...and good to hear a mans perspective too.

I know that he has had very beautiful girlfriends in the past, I just have this idea that they were probably beautiful in every area.

He did have a hand fumble a few weeks ago and afterwards (via text) I said that I have a body hang up and did he notice anything... he replied that he thought he felt something.... he didn't say much else. The fact that he said he felt something made me feel as though it wasn't usual for him.

On the other hand he told me that he needed to tell me somrung before we slept together.... that he caught herpes from his last partner, I was really understanding and supportive to him which he really appreciated.

So I guess that's my second question.... do I sleep with him as he has herpes?

Also, to answer your question, I'm recently divorced and ex never had an issue, no boyfriend previously had an issue but I think my Labia has stretched over the years with kids/ age.

steth Thu 09-Feb-17 10:10:03

A few typos but I think you can work out what I'm saying

GallivantingWildebeest Thu 09-Feb-17 10:22:00

Herpes - have a look at

Condoms. And be careful.

RainbowsAndLemonDrops Thu 09-Feb-17 10:28:47

steth If he's a good man worth investing in, he won't be bothered. It's no biggie.

I have herpes myself, contracted it from DP. I was absolutely mortified at first, I felt dirty when i'm actually over the top clean. It's something us herpes sufferers now have to deal with, he has told you upfront which is a good sign. Use condoms, but if he has any sores/blisters/scabs don't engage in any intercourse.

Enjoy yourself! flowers

steth Thu 09-Feb-17 10:43:02

Thanks guys.... would I be ok not to use condoms if he has no signs of outbreaks?

Ilovecaindingle Thu 09-Feb-17 10:46:34

If he is a new partner wouldn't you be using condoms anyway?

manhowdy Thu 09-Feb-17 10:47:03

steth my mate passed it to her boyfriend despite religiously using condoms every time they had sex and never having sex during an outbreak. He knew the risks but was still pretty devastated when he caught it. Once you've got it, you've got it forever and the first outbreak is generally bad.

You are already stressed about your appearance (unnecessarily so IMO). If you had to tell future partners about genital herpes on top of that.....?

Maybe hold off on sex with this guy for a little longer to make sure he really is worth the risk. If he's wonderful he won't mind.

manhowdy Thu 09-Feb-17 10:48:53

Oh and when you do start having sex, condoms every single time.

user1477282676 Thu 09-Feb-17 10:48:57

You need condoms unless you've both JUST had a full sexual health check and shared your results.

category12 Thu 09-Feb-17 10:50:14

Don't start off with unprotected sex. Leave that a while. There is no rush. It's nice to move to that after a good while. Preferably after both have been tested. I personally wouldn't go bare with someone who had herpes anytime soon.

You might find the online 'labia library' site reassuring. NSFW.

Kiroro Thu 09-Feb-17 10:59:44

do I sleep with him as he has herpes?

Yes but with a condom!

Kiroro Thu 09-Feb-17 11:00:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Kiroro Thu 09-Feb-17 11:01:37

Here... let me google that for you

GallivantingWildebeest Thu 09-Feb-17 11:10:39

Thanks guys.... would I be ok not to use condoms if he has no signs of outbreaks?

Um. I gave you a link above to the Herpes website. Why not search it for yourself?? confused hmm For heaven's sake.

Tokennamechanginglesbian Thu 09-Feb-17 11:21:16

Re: your original problem, I have seen a few women's bits (see username) and they're all very different. My ex had quite enlarged labia that hung down, and after I'd been with her for ages she mentioned that she had a massive body hang up about it. I was really shocked because I bloody loved the way it looked and found it a massive turn on.

Re: herpes - read the link that someone posted and educate yourself.

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