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Please help me think this out?

(17 Posts)
Twiggy71 Wed 08-Feb-17 18:35:38

Found out 3 weeks ago that ds's (23yr) girlfriend (19yr) is pregnant. Dson still lives at home as does his girlfriend still at her home.
The pregnancy is still very early 7/8 weeks i've found it to be a bit of a shock to be honest as it was unplanned but i will support them both no matter what and help them as much as i can.
I think my ds is still in shock to be honest as he never mentions it.
My dilema is i suffer from depression & anxiety and this time last year i was very ill. My main support is my dm who is my rock as I've been a lone parent these last few years. Dson is very close to his dg too but doesn't want to tell her for about 6 more weeks which is his right to do.
I feel i need to talk to someone about it as I'm very worried about them both as dson is now saying they need their own place etc but they don't have enough money. They can live with me until they get on their feet.
It's maybe selfish of me but i want to say to my dm now as i don't think i'm coping too well with it all and to have some support as i'm always afraid of my mental health dipping.

BrownEyedLady Wed 08-Feb-17 19:16:39

What's stopping you from reaching out to your DM this time?

Twiggy71 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:37:10

It's because my dson is very close to his dg and he wants to tell her in about six weeks time. It is his news to tell and not mine..

BrownEyedLady Wed 08-Feb-17 19:43:18

Hmmm. That's tricky. Is there someone else not related that you can talk this through with? It's understandable that you are worried. But please remember that people their age have survived/thrived through this situation so try not to draw any (usually negative) conclusions about it. Don't borrow troubles from tomorrow. X

Twiggy71 Wed 08-Feb-17 20:39:23

Thanks BrownEyedLady I think i'm still in shock about it all to tell you the truth. I thought being a dg was a long way off for me. My dson still lives in a mess of a bedroom where i have to just shut the door. So him being responsible for another wee human is just shock
I will take your advice and take one day at a time.. x

BrownEyedLady Wed 08-Feb-17 20:53:50

Great idea! Check back in here when you've had time to process xxxx

Dowser Wed 08-Feb-17 21:40:40

I found out I was going to be a dg on the eve of my daughters wedding.
It wasn't her baby either but her baby brothers.
What a shock.
He was 20 didn't have a full time job even.
I really despaired.
Now my dgs is nearly 14. My son became a single dad..yet another shock, but he's stepped up to the plate.
He's dad to three now and a fantastic dad with a new lady in his life.

I love them all so much. Hang on in there. He's going to need his lovely mum.

Dowser Wed 08-Feb-17 21:41:54

My sons gf was 18... just

BrownEyedLady Wed 08-Feb-17 21:51:36

Yes. It might be the making of him. We can't know yet xxxx

WorkingBling Wed 08-Feb-17 21:59:34

I am afraid your ds' desire to keep his grandmother out of the picture is irrelevant. If you feel your dm can be trusted, tell her but ask her not to mention to ds until he tells her.

It will work out!

PollytheDolly Wed 08-Feb-17 22:10:54

Well, talk to us! flowers

jayho Wed 08-Feb-17 22:38:09

Yes, were hearing you

EmilyRosanne Thu 09-Feb-17 07:54:43

I was 19 when I fell pregnant and my ex was 21, my mother was understandably really shocked and couldn't even talk to me a few days after telling her. I knew very little about babies and my ex was still in a tiny room in his DM's house, however everything did work okay, we found a place to rent, ex took on a second job and we were alright. They will be entitled to tax credits and if on low income the council can offer a loan towards a housing deposit.

Twiggy71 Thu 09-Feb-17 08:17:30

Thanks everyone i am just going to work now but i will be back later on.
I feel a bit better just having said it out loud,
I will reply

Twiggy71 Thu 09-Feb-17 16:35:35

Great to hear it all turned out well for your ds Dowser.
Workingbling i was hoping that it would be ok to do this but i felt very conflicted about it.
Pollythedolly, Browneyedlady & Jayho thank you for hearing me.
EmilyRosanne so glad everything turned out well for you and your little one.

picklemepopcorn Thu 09-Feb-17 22:28:35

Is there another friend you can confide in? Someone less close to DS?

VivDeering Thu 09-Feb-17 22:43:42

Why don't you look into psychotherapy? Would help you with all of this and give you someone to talk to in confidence.

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