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2nd Valentines Card

(30 Posts)
Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:18:29

Hi M's would love your take on this one please ... I left DH on A trial separation five months ago, after discovering he had been sleeping with prostitutes. The idea was that we would seek counselling, date and he would prove to me how important I was to him and then we would make a decision as to whether we could make a go of it or not.

Every time we go our separate ways after spending time together he gets upset and asks me to go back and whilst he says the right things I don't really feel like he means it.

This week I discovered that he had bought two valentines cards, one for me and the second one which says something like "I have dirty dreams about you" I intend to keep schtum about this and then on Valentine's Day, ask him how many cards he sent. If he says one, then that will be the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.

I guess on reading what I've just written I don't even need you to give me the answer because in my heart I know what I need to do, difficult as it is, I guess I'm just curious do you think he has a girlfriend, lining up the next one just in case I move on, or something else?

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Wed 08-Feb-17 00:20:05

There's somebody on the side. Dont waste your money on a card.

Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:22:51

LOL that made me laugh - not even THe £1 shop?

Justmuddlingalong Wed 08-Feb-17 00:44:31

Perhaps a bon voyage card would be more appropriate. flowers for the future.

Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:56:37

MMMMM! The only other possible explanation that I could think of was, that it could've been a joke/windup card (that's the kind of trick that I might have played in the past) but in that case I guess he wouldn't have hidden the card.
Seems pretty pointless paying £50 per counselling session doesn't it?

TheNaze73 Wed 08-Feb-17 07:45:28

You lost me at "he had been sleeping with prostitutes"

He doesn't give a shit about you, why are you almost revelling in the drama?

Kick the numbnut into touch, you're worth more than that surely?

FritzDonovan Wed 08-Feb-17 07:53:28

Yuck, you want him back after sleeping with numerous prostitutes? Doesn't sound like he does committed /respectful relationships. What was his excuse?flowers

Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 08:22:47

He had no excuse, he lied about it but i has so much evidence he had nowhere to go.

I guess I felt it was somehow my fault, that I drove him to it and still feel terrible that he (appears) so sad.

I suppose that I need permission (fuck knows from who) to pull the final plug.

You see from the outside I am the gregarious, successful business woman & he looks like the nice guy. I'm not going to shout from the rooftops to his family & friends why I left (many don't even know) so I'll automatically be perceived as the diva who wasn't satisfied & just abandoned him

FritzDonovan Wed 08-Feb-17 08:29:25

Omg, don't protect his cheating arse! He should be embarrassed. There is no way you could drive someone to that, it's purely down to his selfishness. Be kind to yourself, he's not your responsibility to look after. If anyone wonders, just tell him you'd had enough of his cheating. flowers

FritzDonovan Wed 08-Feb-17 08:29:57

Tell them, not him!

Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 08:36:59

Thanks Fritz that means a lot, I actually feel stronger today than I have in the whole time since I made this sordid discovery.

IneedmoreLemonPledge Wed 08-Feb-17 08:38:35

If you were to separate the card issue from the separation then it could be feasible that both could be for you.

In the past I've sent a funny one and a meaningful one to the same person. Just because one made me laugh and I thought it would make them laugh too.

But I also had an insecure friend who sent two to her partner (one anonymous) to see if he "fessed up" about it, like a test iyswim.

However I don't think it's the time for smutty innuendo or psychological games or explaining away his behaviour.

So...card schmard - the guy slept with other people while in a relationship with you. He proved who he was when he did that, rather than engage in a discussion on things in his sex life he wasn't happy with.

Why are you prolonging the agony and the stress and the overthinking on every tiny detail that comes with this?

And what's wrong with being someone that ends a relationship when they don't get what they want? You'd have more guts than him.

I'm giving you permission. Pull the plug.

Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 08:41:15

Love you peeps! Thank you x

VivDeering Wed 08-Feb-17 10:49:09

I'll automatically be perceived as the diva who wasn't satisfied & just abandoned him

Is this what's stopping you have permission to dump him? You've been accused of diva-ish behaviour in the past?

SparklyMagpie Wed 08-Feb-17 12:39:30

Tbh I wouldn't give a shit whether anyone thought I was a diva or not for ' abandoning ' him.

He's slept with prostitutes and honestly, I wouldn't care how sad he was, he wouldn't be coming near me or my fanny again

SparklyMagpie Wed 08-Feb-17 12:40:08

Oh and forgot to add

PULL THE PLUG!! you deserve so much more OP xx

mickyblueyes Wed 08-Feb-17 13:38:01

"Omg, don't protect his cheating arse! He should be embarrassed. There is no way you could drive someone to that, it's purely down to his selfishness. Be kind to yourself, he's not your responsibility to look after. If anyone wonders, just tell him you'd had enough of his cheating. "

^THIS, THIS and THIS again!!!!^

TurnipCake Wed 08-Feb-17 13:42:11

Call time on this OP, before the card, he doesn't give a stuff.

I remember being behind a guy (with a wedding ring) in a queue at a shop, he had bought 2 bottles of champagne, 2 identical bouquets and 2 identical cards for Valentines day. Grim.

jcne Wed 08-Feb-17 14:20:07

ew. please don't give benefit of the doubt to anyone who has taken it and run with it in the past.

HarmlessChap Wed 08-Feb-17 14:23:58

It will be interesting to see what you receive next week, there is an outside chance he will send both to you either as a joke or to imply that you have been encouraging someone else to fancy you.

Cougar52 Wed 08-Feb-17 14:58:49

Yes Harmless indeed or if cottons on to the fact that I've rumbled him he might send it now and re-buy it for the original intended.

He's recently been in a kayaking holiday & apparently made friends with a Spanish woman so I'm thinking he's wooing her. If it's still around at the weekend it must be a local - anyway as many of you have kindly pointed out, it's all rather immaterial in the grand scheme of things. The next counselling session will be a lively one!

HarmlessChap Wed 08-Feb-17 15:05:03

IMO if you do get both and he denies sending the 2nd I'll bet he raises its existence in your next counselling session.

HarmlessChap Wed 08-Feb-17 15:05:39

Assuming you don't let on that you know its from him that is.

BlueFolly Wed 08-Feb-17 15:11:54

Even if he does send both to you, it sounds like you don't feel secure in his love. So of course it is fine to end it.

I would be tempted to simply tell people that 'I didn't like the fact that he was seeing prostitutes. I tried to get over it but couldn't. Why should you get the blame?

jbee1979 Wed 08-Feb-17 20:23:21

Yes yes! Get him a Bonus Voyage card, or a Sorry You're Leaving card, but change it to "sorry, you're leaving" or "sorry, I'm leaving you". Asshole, don't waste one more minute on him, or one more counselling session. What a waste of time and energy.

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