I am really struggling with the end of my marriage. It was rocky but nothing serious just silly spats for a little while which then escalated when Ex started to see OW in Dec.
Basically OW started her campaign on ex a few months ago....He then got drunk on his works night out at start of Dec and she propositioned him. A week later she is telling everyone a married man is leaving his wife for her, the week after they go public at work and then straight after Xmas he tells me and the kids. They are living together and going to be renting in the most expensive area of town so they have enough room to have kids.
Can it all happen that fast? He is saying so and ex friends of his are saying the same too. Plus his behaviour changed overnight in Dec...He lost loads of weight, was constantly feeling sick, working late and being really distracted and not wanting to engage in Xmas festivities with our little family.
He has said it is definitely over with us, but he wants to be reasonable if I am reasonable. I have so far being totally reasonable. I haven't done anything vengeful. He thought I would and that has surprised him. I hate her (wouldn't waste energy on her) but feel he has just made a mistake and she has pounced on him and then she has exploited him. According to several sources she has done this before to a married man. She was boasting dramatically when it started to anyone who would listen. She also outed them on Facebook which resulted in him losing some friends. He swears she is a nice person and I should not believe what others are saying. He is now loved up with her. He is so stubborn I wouldn't know whether he really was or wasn't just for show.
He thought I didn't love him. I had been having some stress and personal issues recently which has made me distant. He genuinely looked sad when I told him. I was getting angry at the warning signs in Dec which compounded it further. I told him about my personal issues and that I loved him when he had left and the next time I saw him. He said if I had said something a few weeks ago it would have been different but it's too late now.
He has really changed at work, being over the top and loud (like she is) and lots of people think he is having a mid life crisis. He said to me he is 47 and there must be more to life than this. He is enjoying his childfree evenings although he does see the kids when she is working a few times a week.
It's gone mega public due to her posting all about her man on FB and where he works. Some of his friends are so disgusted they have fallen out with him, he isn't bothered, he said they aren't worth being friends.
He is fully blaming me for it, my behaviour and how difficult I was to live with. I do accept some of it, but for heaven's sake having two small kids is stressful and there are responsiblities that aren't fun and sexy.
The bedroom department had been a bit barren (twice a month) because I had some body confidence issues.
He is seeing the kids, although he has put her first a couple of times already. He is giving me some money (not enough for me to survive as I am a SAHM by agreement) but he hasn't commited to anything long term. He only packed a few things to go, I bagged up the rest and he was annoyed when I gave him the stuff as he doesn't have room until they move to their bigger house.
.He says he loves her and they get on unlike us because she likes the same music. We were married nearly 9 years and together 11.
I did offer him the olive branch in week 2 which he declined. In week 5 I said would he be ok if I divorced him and he said yes.
I know our marriage as was is over, but I don't want to give up on trying to work a way forward with him. I know I cannot get him to change his mind. I have started practical stuff like looking for work, sorting the house and trying to get the finances on an even keel.
My problem is that I still want him back and this is consuming me. I want a chance to work through this and see if there is a chance. We have two young kids.
I genuinely believe she has appealed to his ego and in a drunken moment he has weakened and then she has forced the issue. (Apparently she has previous for this sort of thing but I have no evidence she did this to my ex) Then it has all escalated in a month to him leaving. He was definitely not involved with her in November and was still commited to me. His actions back this up, their ex friends back this up and this is his story too. I definitely noticed a major overnight personality transplant.
I am trying to move on with me and the kids on my own, but don't want to. I know I have no choice. It is making me so stressed, I am not sleeping and have lost 3 stone with worry. I went to the Dr and got ADs but haven't taken them but I am booked onto counselling in March.
Am I deluding myself? I know that he is a friend man, but she is a professional man eater. I have heard this from multiple sources, from people who went to school with her to people who know her now, to people who only met her a few times. Ex has said don't believe the horrible things you hear about her, she is lovely and I will like her once I get to know her!
Do you think this is an exit affair (he said he was unhappy but I don't know whether this is genuine or re writing history) or whether it's just a whirlwind?
How can you tell the difference?
I cannot get angry with him. He has said he is sorry about the way this has happened but not that it has happened.
Do you think it is final final or is it a case of grass is greener. How do you know?
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Help Stuck moving on from ex
6 replies
Rarerabbit · 07/02/2017 21:17
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