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FWB - tell me I've done the right thing!

(17 Posts)
hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 20:09:25

I have just ended my FWB relationship. We both didn't want commitment. The sex is/was the best sex I've ever had. I found an ad he'd placed online wanting a threesome. He can do this if he wants? But I felt upset. I should feel nothing. He doesn't know that I've seen the ad, I just messaged saying I want to end things/don't contact me again. I feel shit.

everycloudandallthatjazz Tue 07-Feb-17 20:14:42

So basically you did want commitment from him? Otherwise you wouldn't feel upset now. If you were FWB he did nothing wrong, really.

AhYerWill Tue 07-Feb-17 20:16:33

FWB only works when you're not emotionally attached. That you felt upset by his ad means you're getting attached. You've done the right thing to end it now before you get in any deeper.

ThisIsNotARealAvo Tue 07-Feb-17 20:17:01

You have down the right thing. If it doesn't feel right any more then stop.

SandyY2K Tue 07-Feb-17 20:17:22

He could be putting your health at risk, so I reckon you've done the right thing.

hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 20:17:36

He has done nothing wrong. I'm in the wrong for feeling pissed off. So I did the right thing to end it.

hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 20:19:04

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are confirming my thoughts!

noego Tue 07-Feb-17 20:19:51

If you felt upset, then it wasn't FWB. You have become attached.
If he doesn't feel the same way and wants to pursue other sexual adventures then you have done the right thing. Its one of the rules of FWB relationships that one of you will move on, one way or the other.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Tue 07-Feb-17 20:27:43

It's entirely natural to become attached to someone you're having lots of good sex with. It always surprises me when people think you can completely separate sex and feelings for more than a very brief time. Doesn't work like that for most of us.

You've started to care about this bloke and I think you're very wise to split with him before you get badly hurt. It's humiliating trying to get a man to care for you when he never has. flowers

NotTheFordType Tue 07-Feb-17 20:28:55

It's natural to feel a pang of jealousy at the thought of your sexual partner having sex with someone else - even when you're not emotionally attached.

You could potentially turn this into a turn on and choose to reframe his experiences with other people as "honing his skills for me" or "getting a good variety, as I do", or even "phwoar, I wish I'd been there!"

However - it seems like your knowledge of this came from looking specifically for ads he's placed, which probably indicates your head isn't in the right place for a non-exclusive relationship with him. In that case, I think you've done the right thing.

What lessons can you take from this episode into future relationships (of any sort)?

DrMorbius Tue 07-Feb-17 20:44:24

I just messaged saying I want to end things/don't contact me again

Before you read the advert when things were fine how would you have felt, if out of the blue you got a text saying "I want to end things/don't contact me again" with no further explanation????

hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 20:45:19

I was specifically looking for ads placed by him. He placed the ad and then contacted me for sex shortly afterwards. I still don't want a committed relationship, but I don't want to feel so disposable/trashy.

hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 20:47:27

Should I have given an explanation?

newtoallthese Tue 07-Feb-17 20:49:12

Nah doesn't need further explanation, if he asks for it you can give it but otherwise....

Just use your new found knowledge to either find another FWB or maybe a committed relationship with exciting sex (they do exist!!!)

hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 20:50:35

I was quite nice in the message. I apologised, told him how much I'd enjoyed the sex, but that I wanted to end things and to stop contact.

IneedmoreLemonPledge Tue 07-Feb-17 20:54:52

How did you know where to look for the ads OP? Had he mentioned a threesome to you, with you involved?

The fact that you were looking I think means you were becoming over invested in him.

If you'd agreed on no commitment he's entitled to pursue his sexual adventures in a safe and respectful manner, as are you.

No explanation needed. I certainly wouldn't mention you were searching for his adverts somewhere. It might look a bit much. It isn't working for you, that's all he needs to know.

hereismyusername Tue 07-Feb-17 21:04:03

He's mentioned the website before and that he had put an ad up. I read the ad and know the criteria he uses. He keeps saying about threesomes...

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