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Dh says colleague will make a move on him

(167 Posts)
Tiredsahm Tue 07-Feb-17 14:10:06

DH has started working with a new colleague who he thinks it's only a matter of time before she will make a move on him. Apparently she has a reputation for this. They don't work together often but when they do they rely heavily on each other for business.

He says he is not interested, that if and when it does happen he will deal with it and it's ridiculous for me to be in any way upset.

I'm a little upset as he's obviously thought about it, he knows all about her background- growing up etc so they have already over shared, she is gorgeous and successful in a way he highly admires. I'm a sahm with nothing dynamic and interesting to say and almost a decade older.

I know this all sounds pathetic written down and I'm not sure what I'm asking from you all, just feeling a bit miserable about it and helps to get it off my chest I suppose.

TwitterQueen1 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:12:15

He's bragging and not very secretly flattered. I would take a somewhat patronising and dismissive approach to this..."there, there dear, enjoy the attention until the next gullible guy comes along..."

Tiredsahm Tue 07-Feb-17 14:12:23

Also when asked how it would make him feel if reversed he said he would feel flattered someone else found me attractive. I don't though, I find him attractive, I didn't not need anyone else to validate that.....

Tiredsahm Tue 07-Feb-17 14:12:54

Twitterqueen I really wish I had!!!

ScarlettFreestone Tue 07-Feb-17 14:22:45

I agree with Twitter he's bragging, it's a stroke to his ego.

Why has he even mentioned this - he's effectively accusing his colleague (whom he admires?) of repeated sexual harassment.

I wouldn't get annoyed about it - which is what he seems to want you to do "pick me, pick me" I'd either:

Do as Twitter suggests and say carelessly "that's nice dear - did you put the bins out"

Take it calmly but very seriously and recommend that he reports to HR.

I'd probably actually sit him down and ask him why he's raised this on this fashion. Women do not ordinarily make moves on men who are working normally with them and don't give an opening for flirtation etc. If she does then she's a sexual predator and should indeed be reported.

jobanana Tue 07-Feb-17 14:25:47

I think it's totally understandable. She is dazzlingly attractive in every way. And when she's with him, it's a close working relationship. And she's clearly very selfish and if not positively immoral, certainly is amoral. Whether anything happens probably depends entirely on how strong your husband is. Your happiness and that of your family is entirely in his hands (because take it as a given that she would have no qualms taking what she wants). So yes, of course you're nervous.

I don't know him. You do. He's saying the right things, so hopefully he'll take it as flattery and that's it. Although frankly if she always comes on to guys then it's not that much of a compliment. Tell him she's a whore and would he please have nothing to do with her as its demeaning for both of you. : )

SarahM24 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:26:56

It would be brilliant if she dosnt, that will really deflate his ego. Hes actually waiting for her to hit on him? Id love to give that surity expectation a good knock.

ChicRock Tue 07-Feb-17 14:27:46

Well I think he's setting it up very nicely so that when he shags her you're not to be upset because he told you she'd make a move on him... hmm

People generally don't 'make a move' on someone without some kind of indication that the 'move' will be appreciated.

Your DH could shut this down right now and ensure it never happens if he really wanted to.

Tiredsahm Tue 07-Feb-17 14:28:14

Apparently nothing inappropriate has happened so there would be nothing to report and any other apparent liaisons have happened elsewhere - she consults for the company he works for.

I dealt with it badly and really wish I had responded as you have both advised.

I don't know why he told me, especially as he knows I have low self esteem. I think he is possibly pleased.

ScarlettFreestone Tue 07-Feb-17 14:29:13

"Tell him she's a whore" confused

Goodness.

Based on nothing other than office gossip about a good looking woman?

ChicRock Tue 07-Feb-17 14:29:51

he knows I have low self esteem

He's the reason why you have low self esteem.

TurnipCake Tue 07-Feb-17 14:30:27

Well, isn't he the stud muffin hmm

How is your relationship otherwise?

Tiredsahm Tue 07-Feb-17 14:31:13

I do trust him but who knows how far people will go if tempted. jobanana, I think this is what is making me miserable - it's all up to him and there is nothing I can do about it.

RacoonBandit Tue 07-Feb-17 14:33:01

He sounds like a peach hmm

Kittencatkins123 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:34:53

Hmmm your DH is being a twat. Who even says 'it's only a matter of time...' - er, no, it might never happen.

I think it's really dickish of him to mention - there is a guy at my work who has a thing for me - it is NOT RECIPROCATED so I've never mentioned to my bf as nothing would ever happen so why bother. I also avoid working too much with him - maybe your DH has to work with her quite a bit sometimes but he could easily manage this situation so it doesn't get to the move making stage - most people don't leap on someone out of the blue.

Ignore him/the whole scenario and focus on yourself - do you feel like you need to work on your confidence? What would help you do this? Then you won't give a shit (best response) smile

ScarlettFreestone Tue 07-Feb-17 14:35:24

Tired it's entirely possible that there have been either:

No liaisons at all.

Considerably less than gossip suggests.

IME very good looking women, especially single very good looking women often develop completely unearned reputations as man eaters.

I used to work with a very beautiful unmarried woman. Brilliant at her job. Took no shit and terrified lots of my male colleagues.

If you believed office gossip, she was after any man going. Except I happen to know that she's gay and hasn't slept with anyone at the office.

Jenniferb21 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:35:31

I feel for you but at least he's been honest so even if he is flattered about it, you know he hasn't got anything to hide. I had someone at work come on to me I didn't tell my husband because I was worried about what he'd do. I was flattered because he was good looking and it boosted my confidence but I also would not have dreamed of acting upon it as I'm in love with DH and would never want to be with anyone else.

What I'm trying to say is it's very possible that he's flattered but is ccompletely disinterested too if he's told you at least he isn't going to do anything you wouldn't approve of and not tell you (or he wouldn't have said a thing)

there will be men who find you attractive and women who find him attractive, it's the way of the world. What matters is honesty and loyalty and it sounds as if you have that.

Xxxx

toptoe Tue 07-Feb-17 14:36:03

my twatty ex did this in our last final months to a. cover up an affair he wanted to have before it even began whilst b. making me feel like shit so I was easier to control.

The one good thing was the last time he was abusive and left, he decided he preferred to sponge off her instead. Sadly for her it meant he spent a few years abusing her then.

Adora10 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:36:05

Honestly, if you can't trust a woman around your man give up, I mean a work colleague to boot. Surely if he has any respect for you and his job he'd not go there; and I also agree I would doubt the woman is going to jump his bones without any encouragement; I'd also be wary of her being loose, takes two.

P1nkP0ppy Tue 07-Feb-17 14:36:19

Blimey, he fancies himself as the office stud, doesn't he?
Asshole.
No wonder you have low self esteem married to a self-opinionated twerp like him!

Tiredsahm Tue 07-Feb-17 14:36:51

Our relationship is ok, ups and downs. He'd like more sex so I suppose it worries me he'd me tempted in that respect. He does say he thinks I'm beautiful etc but honestly she is gorgeous.

venusinscorpio Tue 07-Feb-17 14:37:00

What an arsehole.

venusinscorpio Tue 07-Feb-17 14:38:17

I bet he's loving it, and your reaction.

VintagePerfumista Tue 07-Feb-17 14:40:14

It's mentionitis.

Why did he even tell you? Think about it. Why?

Because it's made him feel good, and he wanted to make sure you, the little woman at home, knows he still can.

Has he told you that he's told her that he's happily married and not interested? Ask him.

How do you know about her reputation? Wasn't him told you by any chance was it?

God they're so fucking transparent these fuckwit men aren't they?

I bet she'd have a completely different story about how their flirting goes.

TurnipCake Tue 07-Feb-17 14:41:01

I suspect he wants you to feel threatened so you'll feel motivated to f* him to death and/or manipulate you to badmouth this woman (so I wouldn't call her a whore) as it will give him ammunition to browbeat you, "Why are you being so jealous?"

Either way, he sounds like he's being a prized dickhead.

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