Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Seen a dubious message..

(133 Posts)
ughwhattodo Tue 07-Feb-17 10:14:30

Well there I am enjoying my breakfast with DH and he gets up to go finish getting ready for work.
The next minute his phone dings and automatically my eye is drawn to it (reflex thing, honestly I wasn't snooping it was right next to me)
And there's a message showing on the screen from 'Z' saying
"Are you really happy with your life the way it is...?"

He's gone to work now and I can't stop thinking about it. No, I didn't say anything to him as I was a bit shocked/confused.
The fact he has someone's number saved as just 'Z' is a bit strange to start with and then asking such a personal question....

To be honest it's felt a bit different recently but I'm not sure if now I'm overthinking things. We are newlyish married (nearly a year)

Any advice?? It's weird isn't it confused

TeaholicsAnonymous Tue 07-Feb-17 10:16:38

yes, and it sounds like he's been discussing what he doesn't like about his life with somebody else. Either confessing or hinting that there are changes he would make if x,y,z weren't obstacles. He could be fobbing somebody off or he could be genuinely unhappy with you,or with his work?!But either way, he's definitely having inappropriately intimate conversations with somebody else.

TheBlueDanube Tue 07-Feb-17 10:22:29

sounds like Spam to be honest.

Sure he's not got a contact who's into Forever Living?

ughwhattodo Tue 07-Feb-17 10:24:30

BlueDanube oh I'd love that to be the case those bloody MLM warriors...

ughwhattodo Tue 07-Feb-17 10:25:50

Teaholic I agree it does sound like he's been having inappropriate conversations.
He's such a closed book it's hard to have an idea of how he's feeling sometimes... sad

TwitterQueen1 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:26:33

Tea is reading way, way too much into that message.

As ^ - it could be anything. A training course he's signed up to, a newsletter, spam, blah blah.

Ask your DH.

CantstandmLMs Tue 07-Feb-17 10:26:45

I get emails from a healthy living guru I obviously signed up to once hmm that start with messages like this and they'd probably look weird flashing up on my phone ...

But that's email. The saved number is a bit weird. Are you sure it was a text? If so you need to just ask. Like you said it flashed up and you saw it, you didn't open the phone.

Fabellini Tue 07-Feb-17 10:30:55

It sounds like spam. And I'd just ask him about it. I have very occasionally had texts like this....random American companies trying to sell me stuff...and I don't know how, but they come up with a name and not an unknown number, even though I definitely don't have them stored in my contacts.
Lots of times people are being dodgy, but in this instance, that's not the immediate conclusion I'd jump to.

wispagold1234 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:31:18

Don't say a word to him, wait till tonight and the first opportunity you get, swipe the phone and lock yourself in the loo. Have a good look at everything on there.
If anything fishy is going on, you don't want to give him chance to delete things or lie, once you have seen something in black and white it's hard for them to wriggle out.
You might find a perfectly innocent conversation with a friend, might be work related, money related, or it could be an affair. You never know till you look.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:32:50

Weird but personally I wouldn't immediately jump to conclusions. Could be anything, and it's a really weird question tbf. Ask him. Just say you saw it.

Bluntness100 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:45:00

Yup, and if you follow wispas advice and find it's innocent , then your marriage is gonna be totally fucked anyway because you nicked his phone, locked yourself in the loo and snooped good and proper.

So may as well just start divorce proceedings now and by pass that bit.

Or just ask him, like most people in an adult relationship with no other cause for concern would do.

OnMyShoulders Tue 07-Feb-17 10:51:06

It isn't going to be spam. Saving the contact as 'Z' is a very bad sign. Speaking from personal experience. Snoop away because if he's behaving inappropriately (he is), he will most likely lie about everything that you don't have concrete proof of. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

ItWentInMyEye Tue 07-Feb-17 10:53:35

I agree with PP that saving a number as Z would be ringing alarm bells for me, that's with personal experience. Sorry flowers

thebakerwithboobs Tue 07-Feb-17 11:04:01

OP I've just seen your post as I sit on a never ending train journey but didn't want to read and run because....I quite recently inadvertently put my mobile number on some website or other (I must have not ticked the miniscule 'don't send me your shit' box) and received a text almost exactly the same as this from a Zodiac website thingy. Basically, pay us money to tell you how to improve your life based on the alignment of the stars or whatever. On the same day I got several text offering me loans with an APR of 1000% and several ringo bingo type invitiations. Might not be the case for your husband but worth a thought.

kali110 Tue 07-Feb-17 11:32:32

He may not have even saved the number under 'z'!
Massively jumping to conclusions!
I get random texts all the time, debt, roulette, loans, models, and they all come up with random names or letters! ( have no idea how they even got my number in the first place!)
I wouldn't snoop either.
If it is innocent you' ve massively breached his trust.
Would you be happy if he did this?

xStefx Tue 07-Feb-17 11:40:33

Sorry was this an email or a txt message? If theres someone saved under "Z" in his fone then its not a spam. If there isn't then it is spam. I would have a look (ask him if you can have a look) at least to put your mind at ease. Ive no issue asking DH if I am worried about something and he is the same with me, we are human so we do jump to conclusions happens.

ughwhattodo Tue 07-Feb-17 11:40:59

Thanks for all the messages guys.. I really would love to believe it's nothing sinister but I have a feeling in my gut that's hard to shift. It doesn't help that he has previous for something like this, a long time ago before we got married- i would like to say I trust him but I think once the trust has been broken it's never fully there again. So I sometimes question the smallest things.
I guess I'll just have to ask him outright and gauge his reaction.
Ugh sometimes I really do believe ignorance is bliss. If I hadn't have seen it I would now be worrying what I was going to cook for tea, Not about some glamourous Zoe/Zara/Zack coming with their gym toned non-stretchmarked body to steal my man! 😆😩 laugh/cry/laugh/cry

ShoutOutToMyEx Tue 07-Feb-17 11:43:24

I get texts like this a lot, from numbers that come up as random words or letters. We recently went through a mortgage application and I think our details were sold to marketing lists.

2014newme Tue 07-Feb-17 11:44:05

Get the phone. Message z "how was your day" or other innocent remark. See what the reply is.

ShoutOutToMyEx Tue 07-Feb-17 11:44:52

X post. Yes, it wouldn't even cross my mind to worry if I saw a text like this come up on DP's phone - the fact that this was your first thought probably means something. Instinct is powerful.

xStefx Tue 07-Feb-17 11:54:47

If "z " is in the contacts, I would ask him about it and the txt. If your still not satisfied then txt the number asking what 2014newme says. Fuck it .. if it stops you going insane girl do what you got to do. Don't listen to the "perfect people" with their goody two shoes advice. Listen to your gut.

GentleOnMyMind Tue 07-Feb-17 12:33:16

Sorry you have been alerted like this op. I was going to say it sounds like marketing type message but have just read he has previous. So I'll tell you what I did when I was going through something similar, ex had a contact saved as "G" whom was keen to arrange to meet up, I took the phone in the middle of the night, put "G's" number in my phone, checked WhatsApp and there she was smiling back at me. I also put her number into facebook search and to my surprise got her name and location to confront him with. I'm not at all sorry about it.

SparklyMagpie Tue 07-Feb-17 12:38:42

I hope it's just spam and nothing more OP! Xx

plimsolls Tue 07-Feb-17 12:42:10

I get spam texts from random companies and it shows as a name rather than a number, as if it's a contact. So Z could be a spam text name. And the message sounds like it could be marketing.

HappyAxolotl Tue 07-Feb-17 12:44:32

When I get companies repeatedly phoning or texting me I save the number as something daft in my contacts so I know to ignore it when the name comes up. Ok it is normallly Spamalam or Scammerdoodah, but Z names would work as well.

Ask him!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: