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From good morning beautiful to there is no spark!

(29 Posts)
welshcakesareyummy Mon 06-Feb-17 20:13:20

I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I get that. I just find it really difficult to understand how guys text/call and are so interested in your life. Complimentary. Want to know what your evening plans are. Random texts throughout the day.
Become kind of friends (I'm not naive, I know they're not real friends but you feel like this guy is genuinely wanting to be your friend ) then you meet....
You feel the date went well....
Daily texts stop. Then a random 'there was no spark' text! That was that! No interest in what you ate having for ye tonight because he obviously didn't fancy me! Trying not to analyse.
Soooo why does that make me feel shit?

MegFlyAway Mon 06-Feb-17 20:15:28

You should never text too much before a first meeting, and try not to get over invested! It could have easily been the other way round and you may not have felt a spark with him.

welshcakesareyummy Mon 06-Feb-17 20:16:10

Ps. I know it was one date.

He doesn't owe me anything.....

Why do I feel so poop?

EmilyRosanne Mon 06-Feb-17 20:17:38

Because the majority of men only really do the whole 'good morning beautiful' etc. as a kind of investment when they are interested in dating/sex and then after the date if there is no spark or attraction there will move on, they aren't friends really. It does hurt sometimes but they just aren't the one for you smile

Bct23 Mon 06-Feb-17 20:18:13

Because they are trying to get you into bed and until they meet or get you into bed, they won't have a clue if there is a spark. They are probably doing this with 4/5 women at the same time and bingo one of them ticks the spark box.

It's making you feel shit because you don't get this and because you are allowing it to.

Don't overthink it and do the same. Have 4/5 irons in the fire and you are more likely to get your bingo moment.

Women tend to focus way too much on one person too quickly.

user1481320470 Mon 06-Feb-17 20:20:39

So so moving. I really enjoyed reading. I am thinking about talking about my relationship as I think my man might be cheating. It's so hard in relationships.

Bant Mon 06-Feb-17 20:36:34

Its because men have a romantic, fantastic ideal of who they're talking to, before they meet in person. So to them, they're talking to someone they're emotionally invested with, they think you're great, as good as your best photo on the dating site, maybe better. And maybe you're perfect, and will be great in bed and funny and amazing, and it's all tied up with how you look..

And then they meet you, and you don't look like their fantasy. And you're different in person. So there's a cognitive dissonance, and they awkwardly disappear or drop you and move on to the next fantasy.

Women do it too, by the way.

welshcakesareyummy Mon 06-Feb-17 20:36:38

He friend requested me on facebook. I know I am over analysing but should I delete him?
He liked and comments on posts prior date. Now nothing.
I know it's silly and I shouldn't care as it's only facebook but it feels horrible!

LesisMiserable Mon 06-Feb-17 20:40:40

I think the whole point of having a date is to see if the spark carries into real life isn't it? And for him it hasn't (and maybe for you too) and so there is no real reason to carry on texting. I can't see anything wrong…apart from buying into "good morning beautiful" texts from a stranger which I'll be honest I found slightly creepy when it happened to me and not very titilating or even enjoyable.

welshcakesareyummy Mon 06-Feb-17 20:44:18

No, I get that! Really I do!
I suppose it just makes me feel like I'm not worth any more of his time as he doesn't fancy me.
Not saying he is in the wrong. Just feel a but poop.
Just didn't understand how it went from over interested to abrupt text. A bit rude actually. Literally lovely texts to ' sorry, no spark'
I would still be friendly if it was the other way around.

pocketsaviour Mon 06-Feb-17 20:53:53

I suppose it just makes me feel like I'm not worth any more of his time as he doesn't fancy me.

I get this.
Try to reframe it. A first date is like a job interview. If you went to an interview and then decided you didn't want the job, you wouldn't keep sending LinkedIn messages to the hiring manager/dept manager saying "But we can still be friends!"

If he's on a dating site, he wants someone to date. Not to make friends. It's not personal, he's just being single-minded about finding what he wants. Yeah it stings when it's not you, but there's always one person keener than the other.

Definitely delete him on FB. Ready for the next!

welshcakesareyummy Mon 06-Feb-17 21:00:05

Hmm yes! True!
I guess it just batters your confidence a little.
He's gonna think I'm childish deleting him!
Actually he won't care will he! Hmmmm
Dating is hard!

dontcallmethatyoucunt Mon 06-Feb-17 21:02:13

pocket great way of looking at it.

dontcallmethatyoucunt Mon 06-Feb-17 21:02:42

Don't worry about what he thinks!

SaltySeaDog72 Mon 06-Feb-17 21:17:36

One date. That's date zero. He isn't, by definition, your friend until quite some time -after you've got to know each other. Y'know. After you've stopped being strangers and stuff. Til then keep it breezy and meet quick.

'Good morning beautiful' before meeting. Its meant by men in a different way to the way women receive it. As per Bant's insightful post.

TheNaze73 Tue 07-Feb-17 07:39:46

He really won't care if you delete him on FB, he's not interested. I think texting should only be used for setting up the next date & that's it. You get some incredibly unrealistic expectations on the back of texts, that he's probably sending to 10 women simultaneously.

Lovemusic33 Tue 07-Feb-17 07:57:07

Sadly it's just the way it goes, I have been online dating on and off for a couple years and have had it happen to me a few times and I am guilty of doing it myself. It's just the way it is, people over invest whilst messaging, they build up a picture in their minds of how a person will look, sound and come across in real life, when they then meet that person they are disappointed as they are not how they imagined at all so then they disappear.

Just delete him and move on, next time arrange a date before you get too involved, don't do the weeks of texting before meeting and then no one will get their hopes up, go to the date open minded, look at it as a night out with the possibility of never seeing that person again.

Gah81 Tue 07-Feb-17 08:55:47

Dating is hard (but can also be lots of fun!).

I think this kind of thing happens lots when people aren't emotionally invested e.g. beginning to date - you may think they're being friendly (with an ulterior motive) and you're becoming friends but more often than not when sex/romance is taken off the table (you're not interested, they're not interested) the friendly interest stops.

I agree with the poster who recommended dating a few people at the same time. I do this in the early days of dating - it means that there's always a text waiting from someone, a nice date to look forward to etc. If one of them doesn't work out, it really highlights that there are plenty of fish in the sea!

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges Tue 07-Feb-17 09:13:16

Definitely delete on FB! There is no way I would add someone to fb where they can see my holiday photos, read things I'm up to and find out where I go on certain days and at particular times before I'd even met them! That's madness!

I wouldn't add someone unless I really knew them well.

I doubt he'll even notice you've deleted him.

I don't get women being flattered by the "good morning, beautiful" type messages from someone they've never met. If I ever received a message like that, I just stopped speaking to them.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat Tue 07-Feb-17 09:19:29

Have you never met someone who in photos or on paper you think "phwoar" but then when you meet them in real life there's just nothing there, no attraction at all?

It's happened to me with potential friends too - a friend was desperate to introduce me to her friend, we have soooo much in common, so many similarities that on paper we probably should/could be best mates, but there's just nothing there, no connection, no spark. When we get together it's just flat.

It happens, just don't get so over-invested so quickly next time.

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges Tue 07-Feb-17 09:21:20

I just find it really difficult to understand how guys text/call and are so interested in your life

They're not interested in your life. They're interested in establishing some kind of connection with someone they wouldn't rule out fucking based on their photo. Then, when you meet, they either confirm whether or not they'd like to see you again. Women do the same to men too.

Anonymoususer1938 Tue 07-Feb-17 09:24:39

I've written before that this whole texting malarkey before meeting up is a complete waste of time and only serves to build up expectation which can, and it seems usually does, ultimately lead to disappointment....on both sides.
A few initial texts to gauge what the other person is like and then arrange a first meet. Notice how I didn't call it a date? That's because at this point it's not.
It's merely an introduction.
If it goes well then you move onto a date the next time.
Stop with all the pre-introduction texting and the 'how was your day' blah blah blah nonsense.
That way lies madness.

Anonymoususer1938 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:09:24

Sorry if that sounds harsh as I know you feel sad at the moment.

Chickdee63 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:22:18

Hi can I ask did you feel a spark?
Have you had many dates before?
I have been in this situation before and it was a nitemare I over invested it's a learning curve and I learn to take texts with a pinch of salt the beautiful, sexy, babe etc! As long as you believe your beautiful u don't need a text to confirm that. Be good to you. X

Chickdee63 Tue 07-Feb-17 10:24:26

100% delete him and block from favebook and block his number he serves no purpose to u move on

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