I don't know why I'm writing this really, I think I just need to get it off my chest and have no one I can talk too.
I am 37 married 2 children a house and a good life. Thought I was happy.
There is a dad of one of my Daughters class friends which for the last few years I have noticed from a far but never really spoken to, I speak to his wife a bit and she is really nice.
But a few months ago when I had to call an engineer out and he turned up, I was kinda taken back when I opened the door and thought OMG its you, it was like something in side me got switched on like I got hit by a bolt of lightning, my heart started racing and I couldn't stop thinking about him when he left.
Since that day i started to see him more and more and hello turned into actual conversations.
The problem is I still can't stop thinking about him from literally the moment I open my eyes until the moment I fall asleep
It's affecting my whole life, when he says hello my heart melts and I'm on such a high but if I see him and he doesn't acknowledge I'm there I feel utterly down to the point I just want to cry.
I'm constantly in a day dream of what I'll say to him when we next meet, i overanalyse everything he says and does and replay all our interactions over and over in my head, I spend ages getting ready to try and look nice in case I see him.
I can't believe I'm even saying this but I have slept with my DH and thought of this man.
I do not have his number but I did open FB messenger and found him and even stared at a blank screen contemplating sending a message but I didn't.
Sometimes I get the impression the feeling is mutual but I don't know and it is driving me insane. Maybe if I knew how he felt I could move on.
I am trying to avoid him at school to turn my feelings off but it's not that easy when I have to drive past his house twice a day and when I see him all those feelings come rushing back.
I feel so stupid and depressed I just want this to end. I'm such a horrible person and I wish I never met him!
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Most insane crush I've ever felt :(
13 replies
user1486381586 · 06/02/2017 14:09
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