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Found Dating Apps

(72 Posts)
GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 12:51:21

I'm shaking typing this, been with my boyfriend for seven months and he's the most affectionate, loving and perfect guy i've been with, he's so supportive and I really think i've found a keeper with him.

However, I recently added him to my family sharing so he can use my apple music. I didn't realise you can see each others purchased/downloaded apps. I've clicked into mine, it now gives me the option to look at his. I knew he was on dating sites before we got together, he was open and honest about it when we went on our first date but told me he'd deleted them. He's very open with his phone, leaves it around me, tells me I can go through it (I wouldn't) and shows me any messages he gets from his ex girlfriend regarding their DD.

I've found quite a few, some seem quite high up the list (if i'm right, apple goes newest to oldest in this list) sad

I don't want to fly off the handle and message him now, I can't tell if he'd be lying as we're both at work. I'm not sure how to bring it up, what to do, how to approach it. If it is dating apps that have been downloaded recently, he will be gone immediately.


oneburgerofham Mon 06-Feb-17 12:55:47

I've just looked at mine and it does look like they appear most recently downloaded at the top.
Can you look at the version number after the app and see if it corresponds to the version that is available on the App Store now? That might help you see how long ago they were downloaded.

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 12:59:47

It's Yellow - Make New Friends version 2.11.3 which was updated on 2nd Feb 2017, not sure if thats automatic update or he's purposely done it. sad

OnionKnight Mon 06-Feb-17 13:02:54

Yup, it goes newest to oldest and if he has automatic updates on it will have updated regardless.

oneburgerofham Mon 06-Feb-17 13:06:06

Hmm, just checked mine and the apps I don't have on my phone anymore do have the current version number next to them, even though I haven't updated them, so it could be automatic, sorry, just realised that is no help at all to you. 😕

I suppose if the dating app is above apps that he has downloaded after you started dating then that would show you that they have been installed more recently.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat Mon 06-Feb-17 13:08:12

I think he's doing everything right for someone that has nothing to hide, and the fact that you have used his openness to have a little snoop without cause (because that's what you have done really) and are talking about "flying off the handle" indicate that the issues here might be all yours.

Fwiw my first thought would have been "they must be from before we got together" and I don't think I'd even ask him about them. Obviously you're going to have to ask as it's bothering you.

When I see the notification that there are updates I just automatically click "update all" and don't check them individually. I probably have apps on my phone that I haven't used in years.

Bluebellevergreen Mon 06-Feb-17 13:10:57

Mmhh I dont know about the apps but I still get emails from dating sites I was on years ago (too bloody lazy to unsubscribe) and just delete them.
If he recently upgraded software maybe the apps were refreshed/ updated?
I dont know, you know him well what does your gut tell you?

Bluebellevergreen Mon 06-Feb-17 13:12:14

And this I agree too:
"fwiw my first thought would have been "they must be from before we got together" and I don't think I'd even ask him about them."

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 13:15:55

That was my initial thought too. They were from before we got together, until I noticed that the apps have been installed/updated recently. Also, he said he was never on any other dating app apart from POF & Tinder - that was his willingness to tell me these, I never asked or snooped, this is clearly a lie because there's Badoo, Bumble and others.

What happened before me isn't my business, nor do I want to know, but if he is downloading dating apps whilst we are together than I have every right too.

OnionKnight Mon 06-Feb-17 13:16:35

Actually, even if they were from before you got together, depending on how many apps he has downloaded since then they could be near the top.

OnionKnight Mon 06-Feb-17 13:17:38

How do you know that they have been installed? The version number in the app store means nothing as that will update anyway.

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 13:17:56

He has hundreds, finance, news, sports, games bloody all sorts!

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 13:19:16

The list of apps comes up as being downloaded onto that iPhone at some point, they must still be on the phone to update (they wouldn't update if they were deleted)

OnionKnight Mon 06-Feb-17 13:20:16

Yes but how close are the dating apps at the top of the list?

OnionKnight Mon 06-Feb-17 13:21:13

No but what I mean is the app store will automatically show the latest version of an app, even in the previously purchased list.

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 13:22:31

Number 11 - Yellow, Make New Friends
Number 12 - Signal, Private Messenger
Number 13 - A Call from Santa! - I was with him when he downloaded this, was around December 6th.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat Mon 06-Feb-17 13:22:48

Can I ask, why does he tell you that you can go through his phone and actually show you messages from his ex? Is there a particular reason for this?

Bluebellevergreen Mon 06-Feb-17 13:23:07

Also, sometimes you download apps that you dont use. So he might have just been on POF and Timder but downloaded the others and then didnt really use them.
What would be the point in lying about that? I dont think I ever discussed with DH which sites we used, I was on a couple but really then only used one. Once we met we stopped using them and never spoke about them.

Are you sure there isnt anything else? Did your ex cheat? Just asking because mine did and that stuck with me for a while.

I am usually quite good at spotting cheating behaviour but I am not feeling it here just with the apps thing.

Bluebellevergreen Mon 06-Feb-17 13:25:05

Just ask. Say listen we are sharing this family thinkg and I saw your apps and I have to ask.
Or move on.
But limbo is no good

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 13:26:45

Fly He's always been like it, I know I probably sound like i'm encouraging him to say these things but I don't. It's like an automatic reaction, "oh ex-girlfriend just text me then reads out the message"

I've had an horrendous relationship before, cheated on multiple times and was emotionally and physically abusive. I genuinely think he's a good guy. I'll be so disappointed if he has.

Do I just not say anything?

OnionKnight Mon 06-Feb-17 13:27:39

Ah, I think your paranoia is fueling the fire then.

GreenGrapesRedWine Mon 06-Feb-17 13:27:43

Can I just say, by the way I can see you apps i'd appreciate it if you deleted your dating ones? In a nice, friendly tone?

I've recently found out i'm pregnant, I don't know if i'm being hormonal sad blush

oneburgerofham Mon 06-Feb-17 13:28:49

They do update even when deleted, for example I used to have candy crush on my phone, which releases updates pretty much weekly. I haven't had it on my phone for a few months now, but on my 'purchased' list it shows the most recent version number.

I think it was me that caused this confusion with my first post and I apologise.

SandyY2K Mon 06-Feb-17 13:34:58

Technology can throw you off balance at times. I got a notification that I have new matches from a dating site I've never registered on or heard of.

And funny enough, the matches were with women.

I wouldn't say anything in your situation. He's been very open and knowing you have access to his phone, he'd surely have got a second phone if that was his intention.

You could make a note of the dating sites and browse on them to find him if that would put your mind at ease.

MyheartbelongstoG Mon 06-Feb-17 13:46:08

7 months and you're pregnant, oh dear.

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