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Verbal abuse from partners ex girlfriend

(4 Posts)
Kettleka Mon 06-Feb-17 12:50:00

Any advice is greatly welcomed as I am at my wits end. My other halfs ex has decided to have a hate campaign against me and my 3 children. I have been with boyfriend for nearly 2 years and getting married in Sept. We are both in our 40's. I have 3 children from previous (10,13,17) and he has 2 (6,11). Everyone gets on fine in our house. my children have accepted his children and vice versa. The problem is his ex. They have been split for 6 years and he has had continuous problems, she stops him seeing his children, wont let him take them on holiday and is generally an abusive liar. They have gone to mediation and all is good then out of nowhere, she stops him seeing the children. We have now started the route of obtaining a court order. However, this does not stop her harrassment and vile names she calls me and my children. She has accused all 3 of my children of being violent towards her children, even taking the youngest to the Drs as she bruised her leg whilst playing with the other children. She is constantly bad mouthing me to her children and then denying it all and blaming her children. She says the children lie and it is them calling names etc. She completely manipulates her children and I find this heartbreaking that a mum could be so bitter that she uses her own children in her little game. This all sounds very minor, which i guess it is, but it is causing upset for me and my children as all we have done is be welcoming. I treat her children no different of mine. They have pocket money, new clothes when needed, they have cuddles and love and i Find it so upsetting that a grown woman could be so spiteful and bitter. I know it is not the childrens fault but I am starting to dread them coming over as there is always some sort of drama from their mum. I have always ignored her and have never got into discussions with her as I have no need opr desire too. I feel she is trying to make things so difficult for her ex but is hurting her children in the process. Any advice?????

EmilyRosanne Mon 06-Feb-17 13:23:36

Has she moved on at all? Could it be she isn't over your DP and trying to cause problems?

I'm recently seperated and to be truthful I am dreading the day my ex moves on and introduces a woman to my children, it would make me feel horrible thinking of another woman 'mothering' my children and if she had DC too I would worry that my ex would favour her DC to impress her (something I've seen a friends ex do) or upset our DC because he would be spending more time with hers. She may well be feeling like this and choosing to blame you. I know this feelings are unreasonable as once you are seperated then generally eventually both parties do move on but it is still sometimes hard to accept.

Her giving you abuse/calling your children names however is completely out of order. What does your DP say to her?

TheNaze73 Mon 06-Feb-17 14:05:25

Your best move would be to keep a log of stuff & maybe think of reporting her. You can't reason with batshit as they say & she's clearly stuck in a time warp

toptoe Mon 06-Feb-17 14:14:34

In what context are her dc telling you she's bad mouthing you? Are they asking you to explain what she's said or are they just repeating what she's said? I would start having a stock answer whenever it comes up and have a zero tolerance policy with it. So if they say 'mum said you're an xyz' you can say 'really, maybe she was in a bad mood. I don't want to hear about it.' and then leave it at that. If they persist, just say 'I don't want to hear about that' and repeat until they stop asking you about it. Don't go back to her and ask her about it either, because she wants this sort of response. Or she's right and the dc are playing you both for attention - which is a possibility (it's called triangulation - you get the adults to argue so you feel in control).

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