How to tell the kids we are separating?

[pudding21]

Morning.

So this weekend I finally plucked up the courage to tell my EA OH that I have reached my breaking point and I want a separation. He went from anger, to ignoring me and now being normal. We have been in separate bedrooms since and didn't spend any time together over the weekend. I will leave (I know its not ideal) and I will have our 2 DS's initially until he sorts himself out then the plan would be almost 50:50 child care. He will have them every other weekend and every Mondays (and maybe Tuesday's). He hasn't agreed to a plan, he won't discuss it.

I won't go into all the details, but basically the last 2 years or so have been hell. 21 year relationship, 2 DS's 9 and 5. We live abroad. We had a good (not perfect) relationship up until 2 years ago. He has issues with self esteem, anger, insecurities and negative outlook on life. I tried to get him help, he hasn't really taken it. He also has an alcohol dependency. I love him dearly, I will miss him massively but my mental health is suffering and the kids are picking up on stuff.

So I am asking for wisdom about when and how to tell the kids.

Do we tell them together? (I think he will break down, and sob which is not good for the boys).
When do I/ we tell them? (I hope to be outta here by the weekend).
What do we tell them? (don't want to give them false hope).

The eldest one kind of senses something as he was talking about it last night. I feel quite strong at the moment, but I fear I will break down when we tell them.

Help!!

[Intricatelysimple]

Watching with interest. Well done. You are so brave. Stay strong