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Help me believe I am good enough.

(9 Posts)
notmrscookie Sun 05-Feb-17 22:39:39

Nearly two years ago found stbxh had an affair and many close relationship with other women . NEVER wanted to do anything with me or post pictures on facebook etc Text book wise blamed me . Found new partner very quickly , refuses to sign documents re divorce etc ..

I have created a new excellent group of friends we do loads together but I cant stop hearing exs words and find it hard to believe they ARE proud to be my friends and want to post pictures or do things with me or for me..

Tomorrow I start a new job as I new to escape my past but I just don't believe I meet the expectations of my clients or employees . Its with a local hospice as a nursing assistant .I cant fail those in there final days .

words of wisdom please xx

PurpleWithRed Sun 05-Feb-17 22:42:22

what are your new friends like? Do you trust their judgement overall? Who do you trust to make good decisions - them or your ex? They've chosen you and they believe in you. Trust them. You'll be great!

keepingonrunning Sun 05-Feb-17 22:50:59

Keep setting yourself challenges, large and small. Notice when you achieve them and congratulate yourself, reward yourself. Regard yourself as your own best friend.
So far you have found new friends, are managing on your own and secured a job. That's a lot to be proud of. Take time to reflect on your achievements. Your self-confidence should grow with each time you successfully meet a new goal, even the small ones.
Also, try to live in the present a little more, rather than dwelling on the past too much and worrying about the future. Mindfulness can be very effective - really focussing on the moment right now. Each time your mind wanders, gently catch yourself and bring it back to the present.
I expect you will feel a lot of relief when you are finally divorced.

notmrscookie Sun 05-Feb-17 22:58:35

used a group called meet up .. great bunch of girls .. coffee, meals , cinema nights . bottles of wines, holiday to Iceland . boxing day together . THEY are all honest fab ladies texting . calling never been busier .. I know deep down I have gained loads but a what cost ..
I have less money, cant divorce due to long court delays , kids who want to stay in same town .. me move away completely.. less time to myself ..sorted loads out in house. JUST NEED TO TELL MYSELF THAT AND BELIEVE IT .. I AM WORTH IT..

Joysmum Sun 05-Feb-17 23:00:09

May I ask you why you're not good enough? Why you think others are better than you?

keepingonrunning Sun 05-Feb-17 23:38:54

Did your parents/grandparents believe in you?
Lovely people have lovely friends. You've said you have lovely friends.
Good luck in your new job tomorrow. I believe you'll be great at it and that you'll be too busy being needed to worry about it.

notmrscookie Mon 06-Feb-17 02:37:31

its weird I was adopted by a great couple who will forever be a great influence in my life sadly they died when I was 17 within 8 months of each other. miss them so much.. my birth mum gave me away as she had split from her ex husband but they had an affair hence me .

I feel that I fail everything ..Eldest special needs , youngest on drugs. Too fat for anyone to fancy ..No new partner, ex friends wife never really included me they love the new girlfriend...ex family tolerated me ..

I need to listen to those who believe in me ..not the kids who hate me for caring , or ex and his family ...suppose I am missing that pat on the back someone close provides...

MyheartbelongstoG Mon 06-Feb-17 03:37:10

Op, your job says a lot about you. What a kind, wonderful, caring lady you are to care for people in their final days.

Every time you hear your ex partners words, tell your sell out loud something you like about yourself. It works.

Wishing you all the best.

keepingonrunning Mon 06-Feb-17 09:44:34

Do you really fail at everything or is that just your perception?
Talk to your GP about counselling, to help you frame your life in a more balanced positive light rather than a negative one.
To put things in perspective, no-one's life is one unmitigated success after another. It'a about making the best of what life throws at you, good and bad. And when things are so bad that is too difficult to do, it's about being proud of yourself for just getting through one day at a time until the storm has passed. Which it will.
You must be worried about your children. Raising a SN child with all the additional challenges that brings is a real achievement, not a failure. And I'm sure you are being as supportive as you can for your youngest DC. Can you find a support group for families of substance abusing children?

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