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Miserable. Help me make the right decision.

(7 Posts)
nojobistoobignopupistoosmall Sun 05-Feb-17 22:23:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs Mon 06-Feb-17 01:38:38

It's blindingly obvious what the answer is. You leave him. You save your kids from the pure hell of a hellish home. Your kids will probably be hugely relieved the pair of you are not under the same roof.

Please, stop holding on to this rag of a relationship. It's dead in the water - as it would be with an addict. You're doing the worst possible thing for the kids by staying in this appalling relationship.

MyheartbelongstoG Mon 06-Feb-17 03:33:50

I remember that awful feeling of being stuck.

It took me years to finally leave. I look back now and wonder what I was so scared of. But at the time my fears were very real, as are yours op.

What finally did it for me was imagining I was an old lady sitting in a chair and looking back on my life.

I knew I had to leave and I'm so happy and proud of myself that I did.

Mils45 Mon 06-Feb-17 04:07:46

People think because you are not in ear/eye shot the children won't know. Me and my brother used to sneak out and listen. Children are more attentive then we think, they can feel bad atmosphere. I mean, I can still remember it 20 years on??

If you both have talked it through and tried multiple times and it's still not better than hopefully you both can work together through separating? Do you think that's possible with him?

I like the above post, would you look back and regret staying in this life?

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 06-Feb-17 07:13:30

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

These children are receiving far more of an impact in terms of damaging lessons on relationships by the two of you staying together for your own reasons.

Your children would rather see their parents apart and happier than together and miserable like this. Both of you between you are teaching them very damaging lessons on relationships; you're showing them that a loveless marriage is their "norm" as well. They see and hear more than you care to realise; after all sound travels and your children do pick up on all the unspoken vibes. They know that things between you two are not right at all. I sincerely hope they do not blame themselves for their parents problems.

If you want to be happy with your children then you need to be apart from their dad. Its not working out at all and his gambling addiction (let alone you all having to see his family every weekend) should be enough for you to now run for the hills. You are woefully underqualified to help him and besides which he does not want your help.

springydaffs Mon 06-Feb-17 10:11:43

Addicts already have a 'spouse' and 'family'. It comes FIRST and you are a very shoddy second.

How would you feel if he had a lover in plain sight he expected you to accept? But he does: his addiction. You and your kids are playing archive fiddle to his lover. He is heartless with it.

You are not stuck. You may FEEL stuck but, in reality, you are not stuck. Leaving this appalling marriage is as easy as stepping over a low wall. Perhaps get some counselling to get over that low wall.

springydaffs Mon 06-Feb-17 10:12:39

*second fiddle

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